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16 July 2005 @ 03:21 am
new season, new 'lantis fic (seige III)  
Ahhh... new Stargate: Atlantis, me unwisely writing fic at 3 am and dedicating it to A.j... feels like old times. Unbeta'd, for besyd is asleep. Sharing anyway, for am high on new season. (Actually, I just wanted to be first so it would look cooler, but msraven929 beat me to the punch.)

Title: "Lullaby #101"
Category: coda, Sheppard/Weir
Rating: PG
SPOILERS: Seige III
Summary: Sleep you little soldier boy, with your ear against the wall; you have held that rifle all of your life, now it's time to let it fall.
Dedication: A.j., who somehow convinced me not to set this in a bed with more nakedness. *evilly forwards blame*
Liner notes: Kris Delmhorst's 'Lullaby #101' (yousendit) didn't really influence the fic, but enabled me to write headers.

Three hours after the Wraith leave, two and a half days without even a five-minute rest break, and John Sheppard is too exhausted to sleep.

It's eight in the morning, for one thing. Light is streaming in through every window and the interior lights are twice as bright now that they have full power. He's so strung out on caffeine and adrenaline that he has no idea if he's coming or going. Dead or alive.

Yeah, that's the real kicker.

One of them, anyway.

John has walked by his quarters three times and hasn't been able to open the door. He'll be out as soon as he lies down, he thinks, and he can't help feeling like the Wraith will return the second he relaxes.

He grabs food instead, and more coffee. The mess hall is far too bright, so he retreats into an adjoining lounge where Elizabeth occasionally meets him for a meal, if the matter at hand is too sensitive to be discussed in the main room. They had breakfast and lunch here nearly every day for the two weeks leading up to the Wraith attack, planning and sharing information and trying not to take out their nerves on each other. The furniture is more comfortable here than in the mess proper -- couches and coffee tables, arranged in a square -- but more importantly, it lacks windows.

He touches the wall panel on the way in and the lights lower, blessedly, to the point where he can barely see anything but shapes.

The coffee is vile, brewed hours ago, and his stomach turns with too little food and too little sleep. He sinks back into the couch opposite the entrance instead -- it'll be a while until he can sit with his back to doors again -- and leaves his meal on the table in front of him. He wonders how long he's had the headache he can only now just begin to feel.

Probably since he nearly died. Or thought she had died. Or since the city had been attacked again, Everett, the Deadalus, Ford...

The door slides open and he jumps. He squints against the light, but can still instantly recognize the figure.

"I thought I might find you here." Elizabeth steps in far enough for the door to close behind her. A painfully tired smile is evident in her voice.

He wants to ask if she needs him for something, if everything's okay in the city, but conserves the energy to take another swig of coffee. She'll tell him anyway.

She doesn't. "I've been wanting to sleep for three days," she confesses, joining him on the couch. "For two weeks. And now?" She sounds almost on the edge of tears, but that has to be exhaustion.

It unnerves him anyway. Unnerves him as much as the way she looked at him when he beamed back to Atlantis, right before she violated all his expectations regarding the stoic Doctor Weir and hugged him close. She looked like he was throwing her a lifeline in the middle of the ocean, and he doesn't know what to think about that. He knows even less what to think about the way, for ten or twenty seconds, the universe seemed to become so small around him that there were only two people in it.

"I know the feeling," he says around the coffee mug, unsure if the caffeine is even making a dent anymore. His hands are shaking -- that's something, anyway. "You should sleep."

"So should you," she replies, equally uselessly. Then, "You deserve it, John."

Her voice is weaker than normal, but so full of genuine pride and gratitude and relief that it's almost hard for him to listen to. He can't see her face properly in the low lighting, and so to him, she looks exactly the way she did before he boarded that puddle-jumper in the first place.

He doesn't think anyone has looked at him that way before.

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry."

She frowns. He can't see it, but he knows it from the tilt of her head. "For what? John, you couldn't have stopped Ford. You tried."

That twists into him, because he shouldn't be sitting here warm and caffeinated when a member of his team is somewhere in Pegasus turning into God-knows-what, and worse, that wasn't even what he meant.

He doesn't really know what he's apologizing for, since they saved the city. It just feels like he should.

Without warning, there's a tentative brush of fingers on his forehead, and his heart almost stops. He can't say anything, only closes his eyes, drunk on exhaustion and feeling like, in one gentle stroke of disheveled hair from his sweaty brow, Elizabeth Weir has thanked him far more than she ever could with words.

His whole body is shaking, and not from the coffee. He wants her to touch him like this, all over, like that will be the only way he will ever truly know that he survived, that an Asgard-enhanced deus ex machina really plucked him out of that cockpit in time, that he's really still alive.

That she's still alive.

"Elizabeth." He doesn't know what he's going to say, only has to get out her name.

She says it for him. "I thought you were dead."

"No," he promises. He means it to sound flippant, but it doesn't at all. "Still here."

Elizabeth pulls her hand away and he sighs, trying not to will it back, but he's too tired to properly censor his thoughts. He didn't know he felt this way about her. Or he did -- completely, totally did -- and just hadn't quite realized it. Needed to be three days' worth of exhausted first. Needed to go through that.

She plucks the coffee mug out of his hands with a remarkable gentleness, resting her fingers on his for a long moment as if to ease the transition. Before she can sit back all the way, he touches her cheek, just as tentatively as she touched him, like they're waiting for more bombs to go off.

They don't move much. Her forehead is an inch from his, her fingers sliding slowly through the hair behind his ear, over his jaw. His thumb finds a spot on her neck where he can feel her pulse, fast and strong.

They breathe there, slowly, for a long time, just barely out of contact. His nose touches hers after a long minute without his even meaning to. Her breathing pattern shifts, interrupted by something that isn't quite a giggle or a sob, and he kisses her.

John thinks, again, that he might be dead, that he would never have the chance to feel like this in his own life. He doesn't mind.

He's the one who breaks it, more overwhelmed than he can deal with in his war-wearied state. Elizabeth rests her head against his, temple to temple. This time he's the one who hugs her, pulling her as close as he can, and it stuns him to his core that he can feel her shaking.

"No more coffee," she whispers, drawing away only slightly. He hopes she's not crying. "We've got to sleep."

"Stay here," he begs before he even thinks about it. He's only thinking about comfort, about how warm she is, about staying close to her in case he wakes up in the night alone and thinks one or both of them is dead.

"John, we have to sleep," she argues, her voice breaking on three days awake. "In beds." She doesn't mention the hard day they will face tomorrow, but it's implied.

"Sleep on that couch," he tells her, indicating the adjoining side of the square.

Elizabeth agrees without argument. He feels better knowing neither of them wants to face total solitude in their empty quarters after the past three days.

He positions himself with his head close to hers and begins, unconsciously, to count her breaths. "Good night," he offers.

She reaches a hand across the empty space between them, and he meets it. They hold on until they fall asleep.

*end*
 
 
feel: contentcontent
hear: kris delmhorst
 
 
 
Daxdaxterdd on July 16th, 2005 08:07 am (UTC)
Yay!

:hearts the fic, beginning to heart Weir/Sheppard, hearts Atlantis:

:Also a bit high on the new season:
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
It is like DRUGS. Happy drugs. OMG. *is still rather buzzing*

Yay! I'm glad you liked! And don't hate Sheppard/Weir! :)
(no subject) - daxterdd on July 20th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
I'm not very interestingastropoet on July 16th, 2005 08:19 am (UTC)
Did I tell you I love you?

Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
Love you toooooooo!!
w0lfstarw0lfstar on July 16th, 2005 08:43 am (UTC)
It is 2 in the morning for me, and I am about to fall flat on my face. But *leans on the 'e' key* eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *loves you and fic*

Ok, that was the last of my ability to be coherent I had in me for the night.
Little Red: sga - sw not subtle - thefakeheadlinemylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:37 pm (UTC)
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

OMG. WTF. EEEE. *brain explodes into little happy pieces*
tarkheena lizzeeen: [DR LIZ!]liminalliz on July 16th, 2005 10:54 am (UTC)
Long (v. unsinful) story short, it's 5:54, I checked my flist for funzies before passing out and OMG HAD TO READ AND OMG I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES. .... metaphorically speaking, of course. :) OMG! Will be back with an awake review much much later. ::runs to crash::
Little Red: sga - SINFUL Lizzie! - liminallizmylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
I pause from squeee to say that I am very glad for you that your story was unsinful!

5:54! OMG! You win! *feels less bad about not sleeping til 4 am now*

EEEEEEEE YOU DON'T HATE SPARKY ANYMORE!! *gives you metaphorical babies!*
qwirky on July 16th, 2005 11:27 am (UTC)
SPARKYYYYY

*clings*

Cuteness and angst. Mmm.

Post Siege 3 fic!

*Clings*
Little Red: sga - sw not subtle - thefakeheadlinemylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:34 pm (UTC)
Yay!! Thank you. New season!
Fi: reliefmuldy on July 16th, 2005 11:43 am (UTC)
AAAAW SO ADORABLE!! And I haven't even seen Siege Part 3 yet!!

But I have seen the hug scene!!

Aaaw that fic was soooo adorable!! Can i huggle them and squeeze them tightly yet?!

Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:32 pm (UTC)
Aiiieeeeee!! Icon makes me squeee! It all makes me squeee! I am totally going to use up my yearly allotment of exclamation points soon!

*hands them over for you to huggle and squeeze*

Theyaresocuteomg!
Rose Wilde-Irishrosewildeirish on July 16th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
Love this, and the following rang especially true/nice:

He sinks back into the couch opposite the entrance instead -- it'll be a while until he can sit with his back to doors again --

It unnerves him anyway. Unnerves him as much as the way she looked at him when he beamed back to Atlantis, right before she violated all his expectations regarding the stoic Doctor Weir and hugged him close. She looked like he was throwing her a lifeline in the middle of the ocean, and he doesn't know what to think about that. He knows even less what to think about the way, for ten or twenty seconds, the universe seemed to become so small around him that there were only two people in it.

He didn't know he felt this way about her. Or he did -- completely, totally did -- and just hadn't quite realized it.


Thanks! :)
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you! *snuggles* I think I may have projected a bit on Shep in that middle line... but that whole scene was shot as if the entire show had collapsed around just the two of them for those thirty seconds. Eeeeee. *flails*

And man. I feel like it would take a long, long list to describe all the expressions and emotions and stuff running through last night's ep... I am so delighted with the fic fodder. OMG.
elliejane: beautyelliejane on July 16th, 2005 01:19 pm (UTC)
::Sighs in happiness::

See, this is one reason I friended you to begin with!! So I wouldn't have to wait for new Little Red fic, it would be there, right there, gleefully shiny and succulent and yummy. Loving it. Loving them, too. And I haven't seen Seige 3 either!

In fact Atlantis season one started over here (UK) on terrestrial tv yesterday (which is almost freaky as you guys were getting Season 2 at the same time!). I've already seen it on satellite tv, but shall be watching em again, tried and failed to record it (must have pressed wronf button) and boy!!!! Shep DOES smirk at lot doesn't he! Had forgotton how much! And because it was my second time around I got to wacth out for any Shep/Weirness and yay!!!
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
Eeeee! *tackles you* Yes, I have subjected you to MUCH BABBLING about my life all because I am too much of a dork to crosspost things anywhere! (Right. Must do that. Er. After beta. Which will be god-knows-when. Aiieeeee! This is why I never crosspost anything. *fears the world*)

So yay for livejournal for providing convenient and relatively fearless ficforum! :)

Shep's still a cocky bastard... but was much more so before he had Real Responsibility And Death on his shoulders.

But aaaaaa, the chemistry! From day one! Aiieeee!

*coughs* Er. Yes. Thank you! :)
A.j.: amazedaj on July 16th, 2005 02:16 pm (UTC)
OMG.
Dude, I'd forgotten how good it felt to have fic blamed on me.

OMG.

NOT ENOUGH EXCLAMATION MARKS IN THE UNIVERSE. PERIOD. (I think this actually outclasses the stunned giddiness of last year's "38 Minutes". Huh. Wow.)

*clings to them* Oh. Oh, they're so cute and exhausted and DRUNK ON TIRED and too fried to know up from down. Hugging. So awesome. *fangirls you*

I MISSED THEM SO MUCH.

::clings to John and Liz::

::clings to you again::

::must go to work and attempt rational thought despite being up until 3am and currently having a post-adrenaline hangover::
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
Re: OMG.
Dude, I'd forgotten how good it felt to have fic blamed on me.

Welcome back to town, baby!! *squeezes you* (I think it's odd that the tones of both of our lantis ficstyles changed quite a bit once we stopped having marathon chat sessions... SCIENCE!)

ALL. YOUR. FAULT! Drunk on tired was such a beautiful, beautiful way of putting it that I had to steal it. And squeeee! And I was all distraught when you were all "no, they must just cuddle AS FRIENDS!" and dashed my lover's-reunion idea, and then I started to write it and the UST'd the hell out of it all by themselves.

*natters the word 'sparky' to herself like crazy person over and over again*
Re: OMG. - mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
a universal sighnaushika on July 16th, 2005 03:40 pm (UTC)
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was so beyond perfect. I have no words. *worships you like the fic goddess you are* Guh.
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:21 pm (UTC)
YAYYYYY!! OMG, I'm so glad you liked it. Last night's episode has set my brain on fire, omg. New season! New season!

*loves you like mad*
jennylouise123 on July 16th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
Awww that was great!
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you! YAY! NEW SPARKY SEASON! *dies of teh joy*
rogue equestrian: SGA:: Shep/Weir Chemistryelvinborn on July 16th, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC)
*happy shippy sigh*
that was perfect.
love the closing image.
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:19 pm (UTC)
*squeeee*

Thank you! OMG. How freaking great is it that we are now in SEASON TWO and therefore can write blatantly romantic post-eps that can almost be IN CANON!? My mind, it is blown. Cannot cope, in the best possible way. OMG.

Er... ignore me while I bounce around for the next few days. :)
(no subject) - elvinborn on July 16th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
tangerrine on July 16th, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
Oh my God. This is great. Just how "Siege III" should have ended because they're both so tired and thought the other had died and did I mention this was great?

Sparky!

*collaspes with teh squee*
Little Red: sga - sw season two! - A.j.mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:18 pm (UTC)
Yay! *flails* OMG. Seige III was SO PERFECT. If it had actually ended like this, I totally would've freaked out. But OMG. They practically gave us canon! While leaving it open to interpretations of professional codependency and friendship and eeeeee! Cannot get over how awesome that was.

Sparky Sparky Sparky Sparky!
(no subject) - tangerrine on July 16th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
MsRaven: Sunshine by Melyannamsraven929 on July 16th, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
This was just lovely.

I didn't mean to beat you to the punch, but these days, I have to write fic when I get the chance or it gets put off and never written. :)

I'm really loving all the different aspects people are providing for the "after the hug". I love yours because there's a softness and desparation in their need to have each other close. *sigh* Love this. Love you. :)
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:16 pm (UTC)
Aww, no! I love that you did! :)

That feeling of "now or never" is totally why I wrote this last night, but arg... I'm quite frustrated with it, really. I could see the scene really perfectly in my head and had no clue how to get the feeling across. *shrugs* I'm glad it still worked, though!

Poor kids. They've got to be so incredibly dead exhausted. *snuggles them and squeees like a banshee*
(no subject) - msraven929 on July 16th, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - msraven929 on July 16th, 2005 06:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on July 16th, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - msraven929 on July 16th, 2005 06:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Blue: Sheppard/Weir - Emotionbluebanrigh on July 16th, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)
Sweet, a great fic that isn't mushy. It seems to be more about the characters rather than the romance (if that makes any sense at all, it's really early in the morn over here). Am glad there was no bed or nekkidness, it fits better this way. After two and half days without sleep who'd have the energy.

Lovely final image described there.
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on July 17th, 2005 02:27 am (UTC)
Yes! That totally makes sense, and I'm glad you said it, because you got me thinking. Presumably, in tv!verse, they don't really have a relationship yet, and probably haven't put all that much thought into how very badly they want to do sex. So... it should be more incidental at this point. *squeeee* Professional codependency! Friendship! Oh, these are a fangirl's best friends. :)

OMG. Your icon is so unbelievably sexy. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT THAT SCENE!!
(no subject) - bluebanrigh on July 17th, 2005 05:42 am (UTC) (Expand)