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08 October 2005 @ 06:23 pm
new Atlantis fic: "History"  
Title: "History"
Rating: PG-13
Category: Sheppard!fic. Sheppard/other, Sheppard/Weir.
Summary: You never forget your first.
Thanks: phrenitis beta'd and was generally adorable. Thank you! :)


****


The first time John Sheppard gets a crush on a girl, he is five years old.

Her name is Lucy, and from her he learns two things: girls can make you do stupid things without even asking, and it is never nice to pull a girl's curly hair because she might try to bite you.

Her family moves into a duplex down the street three months before John and his mother move to the other side of town. She always looks dressed up -- pink dresses, bows in blonde hair -- and won't play outside on muddy days. She makes him play with dolls with her and, whenever no one else is around, he doesn't even pretend he's going to tear their heads off.

He skins the whole right side of his body by climbing on a bike far too big for him just to show her he can ride it.

His mother grounds him for the attempt, so he's not allowed to see friends for a day, but he hears Lucy at the door, politely offering get-well cookies. His mother calls Lucy his "girlfriend" when she talks on the phone to his grandparents. John tells her that girls are stupid, and Lucy's just an exception because there aren't any boys in the neighborhood to play with. He then spends the rest of the day ripping up magazines, because Lucy likes that stuff for paper doll furniture. He ends up giving her quite a few of his toys.

There are boys in his new neighborhood, and he forgets all about Lucy until his mother drives him back across town one Saturday for a playdate. Only a few months have passed, but they barely recognize each other.

He tells her he doesn't want to play with girly things like dolls, because that argument is how all their old playdates started.

Lucy doesn't argue this time. "That's okay," she tells him brightly. "I've found another boyfriend. He's better at it."

They spend the afternoon watching cartoons instead.

John tells his mother that he and Lucy aren't friends anymore, and goes back to thinking girls are stupid for a while.


****


The first time John has sex, he is almost sixteen. She -- Stacey, a junior -- is seventeen, and he has no idea in the world why she's interested in him.

"I think you're cute," is what she tells him, though he never asks the question straight up. He always gets the feeling she's laughing at him.

She makes him think about sex all the time.

He abandons schoolwork, sports practices, and his friends to follow her around like the horny teenager he is. She acts like she's bored -- ignoring his phone calls, mocking the notes he leaves in her locker, saying that she's too busy to be bothered with him -- but she gets mad whenever he stops chasing her to do something else for a day.

She tells him he isn't her boyfriend when he asks. She talks about her ex-boyfriend Robert endlessly, and calls John a "good friend" when he listens or buys her things out of sympathy. He thinks he's probably her boyfriend anyway, and her saying he isn't is just another one of her tricks.

The fact that he really doesn't like her all that much as a person gets muddied when she parks her father's car behind the dilapidated roller rink, sticks her hand down his pants, and makes him come before he can think. He ends up sprawled in the passenger seat every time, weak and embarrassed, as she wipes her hand clean and then drives him back home. He thinks he can put up with whatever nasty things she says to him as long as she can make his body feel like this.

The first time they have real sex -- sex where she's out of her clothes, too, and the rest of the house is empty -- John says "I love you," because he thinks he's supposed to and because he'll say just about anything to be allowed to do that again.

"Awww, that's sweet," Stacey tells him. He thinks she's laughing at him again.

They have real sex four more times -- she tells him he's "getting better" -- before Robert returns to the picture.

Stacey doesn't see him for two weeks, and when she finally does break the news in the school parking lot, it's with a pouty face that begs him not to be angry with her. "You're so sweet, John," she tells him. "There are lots of nice girls."

He thinks girls might be better, as a concept, if he never had to listen to them talk.


****


John is twenty-five when he has what he calls his first real relationship.

He's not counting the flings that last a handful of nights or take place entirely in motels. He's also not counting the one-night stands that he actually does call again, but who lose interest either before or after he next ships out overseas.

His buddies have all started to get married, and Jill is the college roommate of his friend's new wife.

"She'll love you," Brian and Kathy both assure him.

He's never sure if she does or not. He thinks she probably does, because they stay together for six months.

Jill is smart -- a business graduate -- and has one of the most incredible bodies he's ever seen. She lives her life at a relentless breakneck pace, while his is full of the stops and starts dictated by his career. She rarely sits still, hates sedentary pastimes in both herself and in him, and likes everything around her to move as quickly as she does. It's a trait he both admires and fears.

He gives up reading for the duration, except when he's on deployment. They run together every day -- she can keep up easily, even though it isn't a part of her job fitness requirement -- and she beats him handily at tennis. She teaches him to surf. He's slightly uncomfortable in the whirlwind of social engagements she invites him to whenever he's back State-side, so he slings an arm around her waist to keep her from abandoning him in a crowd of strangers and whispers lewd suggestions in her ear to encourage her to leave early.

It's a new kind of wonderful. They go out to restaurants every night -- neither of them can cook -- and know all each other's favorite selections. She writes him letters weekly when he's away -- short and concise, usually, but that's the way she is -- and despite the fact that she's hot enough to have gotten other offers every single day, she's still interested when he gets back. He gets sick with the flu, and she takes care of him with soup and saltines and daily laundering of their sheets. It's awkward to be in her space, to fit himself into her apartment while he's on leave, but it's also nice. He sees her before her makeup is on, when she's sitting at the breakfast nook slicing open the morning mail with her executive letter opener, and no one else gets to see that side of her. He likes that a lot, even though she's cranky as hell in the mornings.

Part of the reason why he counts this as a real relationship where no others have been is the fact that they argue so damned much.

"Oh, stop looking like a hurt puppy," she'll tell him, in a tone of voice that can cut like a knife, as her way of ending an argument. "I don't think I'm being unreasonable, here."

He does, about whatever they're fighting about that day, but once the anger has cooled off, he regrets thinking that. She's good, and good to him, and her requests shouldn't be that unfair, which means that he's the one being unreasonable. She wants him to tell her things, things about combat, things about him, but he's just fine with her continuing to see him the way she does now, without any of that attached. She wants to help, because she cares about him and because he's a puzzle. She wants him to trust her. She wants him to make something of himself.

She wants to get married.

He's not ready. He knows it with a coil of icy fear inside him that's entirely different than the adrenaline-laden fear he gets when he's sitting on explosives in a fighter jet.

He snaps at her that they can't possibly be contemplating getting a place together or a life together when they can't even get through five minutes without fighting, and she says that's unfair, and that if he wants out of this, he should just say so.

An irrational image of Jill sitting on his chest, prying him open with a crowbar, flits across his thoughts right before he walks out.

He wants to disappear from the relationship completely, but has to see her again when he goes to pick up his things. She tells him, arms crossed over her chest, that they can work it out.

"You just have to trust me, John. I'm not asking for a lot, here. We have something good."

He knows they do -- it's something better than anything else he's had -- and so he relents. They play twenty-questions for a while and he forces himself to answer, to tell her watered-down versions of why he never mentions his father, why he can't quite "toe the army line" even when it's in his best interest, and how he wants to marry her, really, most likely, just not yet.

Her arms stay crossed the whole time, while he shreds the edge of her kitchen tablecloth with his fingers. "Thank you," she says when he's done, arms still crossed, like she has won a battle. "See, none of that was so bad."

He stays for the rest of the week, and that's it.

For months afterward, he misses her whenever his friends are reading letters from home, and he wonders if he made a mistake.


****


The first time John Sheppard falls in love, he is thirty-four years old and living three galaxies away from where he was born. She is his boss, and he is completely out of his depth.

He has no idea when it happened, precisely. He has laid his life directly on the line for her three times, but no one moment stands out in his mind as the exact point of revelation, before which he felt something totally different for her, or felt nothing at all. He doesn't initially know what he feels for Elizabeth Weir, only knows that he's never felt anything like it before.

He feels like he's tumbling down a steep hill, picking up speed, and he has no idea what will happen when he hits the ground.

She smiles, letting him see her rare and offbeat sense of humor, and it can bring him back from the horrors of the day like nothing else ever has.

She's injured or endangered, and he feels like he can't breathe.

She tells him she's proud of him, and he believes her.

He wants to be better for her all the time.

It's two full years before he sleeps with her, two years of stops and starts and superficial violations of a deeper trust. He never thought he'd make it this far with her. There were a series of disasters, of losses and dangers and sleepless weeks that helped lead them to this point, but all that seems very far away.

Elizabeth settles down to face him in the sheets as their breathing slows to normal in her otherwise silent cabin. "What are you thinking?"

He isn't. There's too much emotion in his chest all at once. It takes a moment to pin it down amid the fear and hope and hormones and everything else crashing around inside him, but he thinks this overwhelming feeling is the same one he always has for her, just more so. He gently pulls on the end of one of her curls and watches it spring back into shape, giving him a chance to think.

He wants to be here forever.

It's the only thought in his head, but he manages not to say it exactly that way. "I don't want this to be a one-night stand," he says, and feels his heart clench as the words hit the air.

Her expression melts into a smile, one he hasn't seen before, and she kisses him before answering. "I think that can be arranged."

He touches her, gently, learning her body and the unique feeling of her skin. She's doing the same, tracing his muscles and scars, hand stilling on the rough patch of skin on his right thigh from when he fell off a bike at age five.

He curls himself around her, memorizing the points of contact. He runs a hand up and down her arm and thinks he can hear her smile.

"I want to tell you something," he says.

She catches his fingers in hers just long enough to kiss his thumb. "Okay."

He doesn't say he loves her, but he will.

John opens his mouth and tells her about him.


*end*


Author's Note: This was another iTunes challenge fic (fic inspired by first song that comes up on "random"). Given that the song was Nat King Cole's "When I Fall In Love," you're lucky it's not even sappier than it is. :)

Edit: Late entry beta efforts added, with help from the gallery. Thanks!
 
 
hear: Nat King Cole - "When I Fall In Love"
 
 
 
icarus: Temptressicarus_abides on October 8th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
Aww, that's too cute! *imagines Little John with his first 'grilfriend'*

I'm not usually a fan of Sheppard!fic but I really enjoyed this one :)

And dude, I loved this line:

"It's two full years before he sleeps with her, two years of stops and starts and superficial violations of a deeper trust.

That is so good. The 'superficial violations of a deeper trust' is... an awesomely perfect way of putting it.
Little Red: sga - sw lost without - ethelineshermanmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 12:46 am (UTC)
It's so easy to picture John as a little kid somehow. ;)

The 'superficial violations of a deeper trust' is... an awesomely perfect way of putting it.

I'm so so glad that worked, and came across like I wanted it to! The Elizabeth section was the hardest -- it's difficult to wrangle their relationship into just a few words. :)
pellucid: S/W no place like homepellucid on October 8th, 2005 10:48 pm (UTC)
Lovely!!! I especially loved five-year-old John with his first girlfriend! I will have to re-read, though, when I'm not in full-on Farscape mode, though, because I had my Johns way too conflated for the first three sections to the point where I had to read the last section again in order to do the "yes, this is the one with Elizabeth, not the one with Aeryn" thing... *cannot fandom multitask*

But I love fics that capitalize on the idea of John being head over heels for Elizabeth and feeling like she's way out of his league, etc. That's totally how I've seen them, and the stark reversal of their roles in "Conversion" totally threw me! But I'm not sure it's exactly a role reversal in terms of the show--it's just that my idea of John and Elizabeth (and especially John) has been so influenced by your fics! (and other people who write in the same vein)

Anyway, yay for John backstory!!! (but do you really think he's only 32? just curious--I would have pegged him older...)
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
*snuggles baby!John* Everyone loves him the best. ;) I'm sure he was a total hell-raiser, though, when he wasn't being smitten with the next-door neighbor. :)

I can't fandom multitask either! It's a curse! I'm pleased that you're still reading 'lantis fic, at least. :)

But I love fics that capitalize on the idea of John being head over heels for Elizabeth and feeling like she's way out of his league, etc.

I know! Squeee! OMG! I've read the reverse, and it just annoys me. Elizabeth has a self-confidence that John lacks. I really can't see her flailing about Not Being Good Enough for someone, at least not in that situation.

I've seen them, and the stark reversal of their roles in "Conversion" totally threw me!

I know!! Except... it still kind of works for me, even in that episode, because this whole season has been about he is one of hers. She takes care of him, and frets about him, and maybe even loves him, but it's not in a way that is necessarily romantic. And he's pushing her away as much for her sake -- and possibly out of embarrassment, too -- as anything else. ("It's better for both of us" OMFG!) And the fact that he really has other things to think about right then than Elizabeth. But you're right about the difference between show and fanon. I'm actually having trouble now remembering why John fell so easily into the smitten!puppy role... there must have been a reason!

(but do you really think he's only 32? just curious--I would have pegged him older...)

No! I really don't! I would have thought he was older, too, so I don't know why I wrote that. He could've been 32 in "Rising," though, but he could easily be a few years older. Errr. *dunno* My brain is goo.
(no subject) - pellucid on October 9th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - stef94 on October 9th, 2005 02:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
you're thinking of mr wizard: dear buddhacleverocity on October 8th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC)
There's too much emotion in his chest all at once.

I likes this bit.

I never have anything thinky to say about your fics because you always make my brain all melty with the awesomeness.

*loves*
Little Red: sga - shep would-be hero - ethelineshermmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:16 am (UTC)
Aww, yay! *snuggles you wif great love*
elliejane: pretty babyelliejane on October 8th, 2005 11:28 pm (UTC)
Oh this was lovely :)

At the beginning I was thinking 'Oh yes, this is sweet, Johnny with a girlfriend' and then 'Johnny as a teenager' and then, you know it goes on and on, and you realise that prior to Elizabeth, his love life has been a continuing search for something like gold and he has come away with handfuls of iron pyrites every time.

I almost feel like he's been taken advantage by all these women, who used him for what THEY wanted (got a feeling that may be too strong a reaction! But poor Puppy!Shep). For playing with dolls, for condescending sex, for a potential husband. Here he is a cocky flyboy one night stand guy and I feel so SAD for him!

She wants him to trust her. She wants him to make something of himself. He doesn't trust her, he doesn't love her and you get the feeling that she wants to make him better for "herself", to improve upon him.

Whereas Elizabeth doesn't ask for anything, she GIVES him things:

She tells him she's proud of him, and he believes her.

He wants to be better for her all the time.


Lovely fic, where you get to feel the evolution through the various stages of John and he finally fills that hollow space inside with the real deal, with love, with Elizabeth.
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
his love life has been a continuing search for something like gold and he has come away with handfuls of iron pyrites every time.

zomg! Your comment is like extra fic! With writings and literaryness and making a very good point. :)

Here he is a cocky flyboy one night stand guy and I feel so SAD for him!

*snuggles Shep!* Yes, but he really is all of those things. And I think you're right about all these women using him in some way... but then, he's not being really clear about what he wants from them, either. I imagine him as never really having let himself get attached to anyone before. Maybe he's attracted, even, to women who aren't the gold he's looking for, just to put off having to open himself up like that.

He doesn't trust her, he doesn't love her and you get the feeling that she wants to make him better for "herself", to improve upon him.

*nodnodnod* Exactly. Of course, I have no idea what *she* was thinking through all of that. Chances are she wasn't doing it because she wanted him as a trophy husband or anything so much as she genuinely thought he needed her help and should be thanking her. I can only imagine that Shep would be a frustrating person to date at times, especially before Atlantis.

Yayyyyy! I'm so glad you liked it! Your comment made me squeee all over the place. :)
Ashbarker9 on October 8th, 2005 11:32 pm (UTC)
Excellent! The usual - very well written and I love this!

I really liked seeing the different parts of his life when it pertains to women. I liked the progression between the years. He doesn't really fall in love until Atlantis. :) Five-year old John Sheppard parts were cute.
Little Red: sga - shep would-be hero - ethelineshermmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:29 am (UTC)
He doesn't really fall in love until Atlantis. :)

I get the feeling from "Rising" that he was kind of... floating detached through life until Atlantis, so I think that'll be the beginning of a lot of things for him.
Loriel Eris: a for atlantis // sgaloriel_eris on October 8th, 2005 11:51 pm (UTC)
I like this. And I love seeing the progression thru the years.
Little Red: sga - sw don't leave - jr_moonmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:30 am (UTC)
Thank you!! :)
Annieraisintorte on October 9th, 2005 12:36 am (UTC)
Oh this is wonderful!!! I love the middle relationship. It was the perfect building block to a relationship with Elizabeth. And that last line? Amazing!
Little Red: sga - sw lost without - ethelineshermanmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:35 am (UTC)
It was the perfect building block to a relationship with Elizabeth.

I had way too much fun doing that. I wasn't even trying to make her like Elizabeth -- just tried to find a woman where a relationship would work, but not really -- but phrenitis in beta noticed how much Jill kinda shadowed Elizabeth in places. Hee. I guess I'm unable to really imagine him with anyone too different from her. *one-track-mind, oh noes*

And that last line? Amazing!

Eee! Thank you! I fussed over that last section a lot, and am really glad it ended up working out okay.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on October 9th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - raisintorte on October 9th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Luna: SGA-John&Elizabeth by ethelineshermanlunasky on October 9th, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
Aw, this is just perfect! I can totally see how his past relationships turned him into who he is, and I love how it comes full circle into his relationship with Elizabeth. And the ending is just perfect. I guess he did learn something from all of them, to let him get to that point.

Wonderfully done!
Little Red: sga - shep would-be hero - ethelineshermmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:39 am (UTC)
Awww, thank you! I have always had the thought that a Real Relationship will be something fairly new to him -- while Elizabeth has had Simon, at least, and it more experienced with it. Eee. *am so excited the fic worked, yay!*

Thank you so much!
KarenDreamerLady: Shep Hot by Jivefishkarendreamer on October 9th, 2005 01:17 am (UTC)
Sigh....so lovely. You've given a history that helps us understand John's vulnerability. Beautiful.
Little Red: sga - shep would-be hero - ethelineshermmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:41 am (UTC)
Wow, thank you! *extra eeeee!* I'm so psyched that you, especially, think it works, because you're coming from a different Shep perspective. Yay! Thanks again. :)
Blue: Shep/Weir - Unspoken (wikidwitch)bluebanrigh on October 9th, 2005 01:30 am (UTC)
This is such a sweet story, I love five year old little John. I can just imagine him there with his messy hair and a pout on his face.

Great work as usual.

Are you considering writing Elizabeth's counterpart? (Polite inquiry, not a demand)
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
I love five year old little John. I can just imagine him there with his messy hair and a pout on his face.

It's really not hard to imagine, is it? I can't wait for him to take Elizabeth home, and his mom and aunt will drag out the baby albums and then tell about all the trouble he caused. ;)

Are you considering writing Elizabeth's counterpart? (Polite inquiry, not a demand)

You're so sweet to not demand! ;) I'm... not sure! I thought of this a little bit as a companion to Blessing Way, which talks about Elizabeth's first boyfriend, but it would be interesting to see the progression. She's certainly had longer relationships, and has probably had more of them, as well. I'm fascinated by her relationship with Simon, too, but am not quite sure what to write about them.
(no subject) - bluebanrigh on October 9th, 2005 03:04 am (UTC) (Expand)
Phrenitis: in love (boutondor)phrenitis on October 9th, 2005 02:05 am (UTC)
Extending my role as beta for a mite longer... I recommend (nay! demand!) that you post this to john_elizabeth as well.

And now I can squee about a few things I didn't squee about earlier because I was afraid you'd be all "beta? pfft!" if I kept loving everything.

John tells her that girls are stupid [snip] He then spends the rest of the day ripping up magazines, because Lucy likes that stuff for paper doll furniture.

I just... *flail* ... there's is something about the way that John tells others that girls are stupid and then goes to do things for this "stupid" girl that have my brain making GLEEEE sounds.

He gives up reading for the duration, except when he's on deployment.

Yes. This just totally works.

and no one else gets to see that side of her.

I think this is an aspect of his relationship with Elizabeth that he enjoys as well. That somehow his relationship is special, that he has somehow done something right to be allowed access to this side of her.

"I don't want this to be a one-night stand," he says, and feels his heart clench as the words hit the air.

And I LOVELOVELOVE how this is almost his "I love you". Because it's exactly how it comes out when your thoughts get all twisted and you try to say it, but it comes out in a completely different tangent and yet still means the exact same thing. EEE!

Much Squee! MUCH SQUEE!
Little Red: sga - sw lost without - ethelineshermanmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 02:22 am (UTC)
I recommend (nay! demand!)

OMG, I am so bad at that! Yes, I will. I still haven't crossposted my announcement of "err, I updated my website and stuff" which I really should have done. Or crossposted my ficathon fic. I need an agent. I am, like, the worst fangirl ever.

I was afraid you'd be all "beta? pfft!" if I kept loving everything.

Bwahahaha. Err. I'll never say that. ;) I get worried about betas when they say nothing at all, because then I'm like "OH MY GOD THEY HATE IT AND ME FOR MAKING THEM READ IT!" and/or "are they even checking to make sure I spelled things right!??"

something about the way that John tells others that girls are stupid and then goes to do things for this "stupid" girl that have my brain making GLEEEE sounds.

He'll be the best boyfriend ever once Lizzie tames him. It'll be like a relationship rodeo there for a while, but then he will be THE BEST EVER. She'll totally be able to make him give her shoulder massages whenever she wants.

I think this is an aspect of his relationship with Elizabeth that he enjoys as well. That somehow his relationship is special, that he has somehow done something right to be allowed access to this side of her.

YES YES YES. I think he is totally beaming with pride that he is SPECIAL to her. Totally. And I think he's probably a little disappointed -- though he'd never say "jealous" -- when he sees her hanging out and relaxing with anyone else. And then he'll sort of squish that and refuse to entertain why he feels that qay, but she'll totally notice and have to try not to grin.

Because it's exactly how it comes out when your thoughts get all twisted and you try to say it, but it comes out in a completely different tangent and yet still means the exact same thing. EEE!

Oh, and he's probably trying to hard not to say it, because he's never been this exposed with a woman before (at least not voluntarily, and probably not at all), and she could totally just crush him if he's not careful.

Here's a BETA QUESTION, OMG while you are still tenured as such -- Isabelle pointed out that John's probably older than 32. Should I make him 34 or something and edit it here before I cross-post?
(no subject) - phrenitis on October 9th, 2005 02:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 03:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
L: [sga: elizabeth]pinnacles on October 9th, 2005 02:30 am (UTC)
*squeee* Aww, I love your backstory!

It's two full years before he sleeps with her, two years of stops and starts and superficial violations of a deeper trust.

I really like this line. Such a great way of describing that part of their relationship.
Little Red: sga - shep would-be hero - ethelineshermmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 03:57 am (UTC)
Awww, yay! Thank you!! :)
miera_c: always lookingmiera_c on October 9th, 2005 03:43 am (UTC)
aww. 5 year old John is such a fun image isn't it? I'm sure his hair would be exactly the same.

I loved Elizabeth's new smile and the reference to his bike scar - such a lovely way to tie it all up together. :)

One tiny nitpick: why he can't quite toe the army line even when it's in his best interest. He's Air Force. That's canon as of "Intruder." If you meant it as kind of a general riff on the military you might want to put "toe the army line" in quotes to indicate it (cause otherwise some other person who's as annoying as me will probably mention it).


Little Red: b5 - corps is mother - thatfangirlmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 03:51 am (UTC)
omg, aaaaaa, I posted fic with all these errors! *flails an unnecessary amount*

I definitely know he's Air Force. :) I meant it more the latter version, and that the girlfriend doesn't get the distinction quite as clearly as he would, although the truth is that I just didn't think about how it would come across. I'll put it in quotes if that'll make it more okay for you. :) If you still thank that doesn't work, let me know. It will be tag-team editing. :) Thank you for the warning!!
(no subject) - miera_c on October 9th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Melody: ElizabethJohnpellmelody on October 9th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
This was just wonderful!!

I can't say I totally agree with John's character here in his early experiences with women. While I don't see Sheppard as any kind of "cocky," posturing guy, and/or with any kind of "God's gift to women" attitude, I don't picture him quite that inexperienced, or that shy (though I do believe he is emotional and a bit of a romantic...more than Elizabeth). He was probably very good looking in his teen years, and esp. into his college years. He has charm, and he knows how to use it, esp. on Elizabeth. I'm guessing he had more than his pick of girls, esp. since I have a suspicion he was on the football team in high school, if not also college.

I think he does have self-confidence. If he didn't, he wouldn't be an effective leader of his team, or head of the military. He comes across as more of a guy who hasn't come to terms with the possibility that his people may have to die under his leadership. He'd rather go in, gung ho, by himself and do "the job" than put anyone else to risk (which makes me wonder what has happened in his life, and military career, to be this way).

I love how you have him with Elizabeth. To me, though, he comes across as a guy who's been either burned once too often in love and is wary, or is simply afraid of getting close because of his job and the danger involved.

I believe I also see them a little closer than you do. There's too much there to see him as pushing her away (I didn't interpret, in "Conversion," the "It's better for both of us" like you did, for example) or her just thinking he's simply one of her "boys" in Atlantis. There is hesitation. There is wariness. There is probably even some concern about protocal and how others will perceive their relationship (which Caldwell already suspects is more than simply a leader's concern for her people). While I don't see them as intimate, in terms of a sexual aspect...yet, I do see them being more than just friends or colleagues.
Little Red: sga - love of a hero - lizmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 03:19 pm (UTC)
Hee! I'm glad you like it a little, even if you disagree. :)

While I don't see Sheppard as any kind of "cocky," posturing guy, and/or with any kind of "God's gift to women" attitude, I don't picture him quite that inexperienced, or that shy (though I do believe he is emotional and a bit of a romantic...more than Elizabeth).

Well, I had a bit mentioning all his one-night stands and brief relationships. I have always figured that, hey, he's quite sexually experienced, but has probably always kept women at an emotional distance. Any relationship with real, emotional closeness will probably be fairly new to him. So -- I think he's probably good at getting the girl (although his omgcute awkwardness in a few Atlantis episodes suggests he's still got some bugs to work out), but less good at keeping her. Or, probably, at even wanting to keep her.

As far as "self-confidence" goes, I... hrm. He totally has a professional self-confidence, or he wouldn't endanger his life so willfully or so often. He knows exactly what he can do in the field. However, we haven't seen anything to suggest a real confidence in interpersonal relationships, which is very different.

To me, though, he comes across as a guy who's been either burned once too often in love and is wary, or is simply afraid of getting close because of his job and the danger involved.

See -- I would never have thought that. I always thought he'd have used his job more as an excuse than anything else. However, now that you mention it, I can totally see that possibility. It's weird -- usually I don't like the fandom idea that so-and-so's FIRST love is the OTP (if anyone ever said that about Elizabeth with all the on-screen evidence to the contrary, I'd scream), but somehow the idea that his first real real relationship is with Elizabeth just works for me. But now I really like the idea that he's been burned a few too many times (and with John, really, it'd probably only take once, the way he hangs on to guilt and angst).

And I actually also see them as very close -- professionally codependent in a way that really bleeds into a personal relationship. I don't really know what I was saying last night. I guess... I'm doing my best NOT to look at this as a romantic relationship yet, and trying to see it from the other side. :) Don't ask me why! I should embrace the Sparky gleee!
(no subject) - pellmelody on October 9th, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 04:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pellmelody on October 9th, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
w0lfstar: sga - shep shut up by mumbly_mumpyw0lfstar on October 9th, 2005 05:49 am (UTC)
as always: omg amazing yay!

for some strange reason I liked the second girl section best (not so much the girl, but it pretty much is the section that I could see the best, since it is the one that I've actually heard before on people who sort of turned out simiarly to John except without the coolness factor!)

*loves*
Little Red: sga - shepwhore kirk - lizmylittleredgirl on October 9th, 2005 03:25 pm (UTC)
since it is the one that I've actually heard before on people who sort of turned out simiarly to John except without the coolness factor!

*nods* Yes! It's really hard to find his coolness factor in others. ;) But yay, I'm glad you could see that! It was fun trying to remember high school and everyone's high school stories...

*love*