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08 April 2009 @ 06:33 pm
Where to begin? Oh. "Where No Man Has Gone Before."  
Megatrekathon blogging is back, thanks to my boyfriend's insistence that Enterprise, while hilarious, is not in as dire need of blogging as CLASSIC STAR TREK.

We finished up Enterprise on Monday, by the way, with "These Are The Voyages." Das Boy's wonderful Riker-dream-sequence fix-it notion kind of neutered the worst of the mind-rape-iness of that episode, so it felt less like Paramount had just shot my dog and more like Paramount had just broken into my apartment and intentionally unplugged my fridge while I was away for the weekend. I could even appreciate some of the good parts of the episode, because at least a few people were acting their little hearts out in an attempt to salvage a totally insulting script. So... yeah. I'm kind of tempted to write fanfic where I figure out exactly why Riker is having this historically incorrect dream. Best moment of the episode is totally when Riker freezes the program to kiss T'Pol on the cheek, and I'm all, I KNEW IT! William T. Riker does not waste time in the holodeck on programs that don't involve nookie.

But last night: the BRIGHT BRIGHT future of Classic Star Trek! We will have SHATNER FOR MONTHS, guys! :) The greatest hurdle so far in our megatrekathon for my boyfriend (greater than getting over my unabashed love for Mayweather's arms) has been deciding which order to watch the classic Trek episodes in. Airdate order? DVD order? STARDATE order? (Stardate order would require extra-dimensional math for the old series, since they sort of made them up as they went along.) He ultimately decided on filming order, did some research, and was very pleased. This means we start with the beige-velour-coutured wonder that is "Where No Man Has Gone Before," because his Complete Star Trek DVDs do not include "The Cage" anywhere in their completeness.

This episode is awesome. The characters were all in pre-production stages, and actually, the only ones of them who are even there are Kirk, Spock, Scotty and Sulu. The uniforms are actually velour, which makes me laugh a lot because of Zapp Brannigan's requirements for captaincy (boldness, daring, and a velour uniform). They're also all beige. Redshirts wear a lighter shade of beige. ("They have some blue shirts!" Das Boy corrects. So we're just waiting on the red velour shipment, I guess.)

Kirk: OH MY GOD, I love Shatner. Like crazy. His shirt gets ripped open, he pontificates about God and the essence of man, and laughs condescendingly at Spock. We see the first iteration of Kirk's Law: Ship > Everything. Things that are especially awesome: Kirk forgetting his yeoman's name, which he has obviously done about six times already since breakfast by her reaction. Gary Mitchell being all "Oh, I totally set you up with that one chick when you were my professor so you'd get off my case," and Kirk all "I almost married her!" Kirk being so flawlessly, stereotypically Kirk in pretty much every way, right from the first scene. Things that are especially incorrect: his headstone reads James R. Kirk. His middle name is ROCKSTAR.

Spock: Someone needs to adjust his hearing aid, STAT. He hilariously yells his lines at random moments, when no one else is yelling, and you can just imagine Kirk being all "I'm RIGHT HERE, Spock." I'm betting the hearing aid is the first thing McCoy does when he eventually shows up on the show.

Scotty: SCOTTY!!! Totally fabulous. They don't have an engineering set yet, so Scotty runs the transporter. I was rather irritated that Scotty was in dire need of a shave (and so was Spock, actually), but my boyfriend defended them with some sort of something about men and shaving and when the hairs are long enough to cut and... WHATEVER, what kind of slacker Starfleet are we running here!?

Sulu: Sulu is not the navigator. In this episode, he's the head of astro-sciences. He got that job because of his superior knowledge of third-grade math problems ("It's increasing geometrically. That's like, if you have a penny and double it every day, by the end of the month you'll be a millionaire.")

Props: In the future, everything will be stored on microfiche. Hilarious WTF Prop of the Episode: the desk lamp that Kirk uses as a P.A. microphone on the bridge.

Effects: We're watching it without the new, improved effects. The effects of crossing the galactic barrier were pretty darned cool, though. The craziest thing was the tin foil contacts or whatever they got those actors to wear. I have no idea how they did that back then. The actors obviously could not see AT ALL, but the effect was great, and somehow creepier than the CGI way it would certainly be done now.

I'm so distressed that my boyfriend had to go have a SOCIAL LIFE or whatever tonight, so we can't watch "The Corbomite Maneuver." Though the alien in that one is freaky. I had nightmares about him for weeks as a child.
 
 
 
ljc: all sonic'd uptaraljc on April 9th, 2009 02:40 am (UTC)
I re-read Strangers from the Sky a month or so ago, and it made me realise I probably haven't actually see Mitch, Denner, or Kelso in 20 years. Yet I have this really strong memory of them, from reading the book for years. Ditto Pike, Number One, and Boyce, from Vulcan's Glory.

ETA: also, Denner being Hotlips Hoolihan is still bizarre.

Edited at 2009-04-09 02:44 am (UTC)
Little Red: trek - gowron :O - stargatermylittleredgirl on April 9th, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
Can you believe I call myself a Trek fan and I have never actually seen "The Cage" in its entirety!? I just thought of that.
ljc: steve (the happy alien) sez zomgtaraljc on April 9th, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
OMG YOU HAVE TO. *flails*

When TNG premiered in 1987, I actually rented TOS from Blockbuster, like, a tape at a time, for about 6 months. I'd never seen Trek unedited before, having grown up with it in syndication. It was this insane experience. Then myf riend Chuck got me hooked on the tie-in novels, back when they were good (and also cracky). Also, Vonda's novelisations of the movies are at times better than the movies, and also gave me the Saavik/David Marcus romance I craved.

I never realsied how much Trek I'd assimilated until a) Enterprise first season where I turned off the telly half-way through due to MASSIVE VULCAN FAIL and b) two nights spent doing a TNG RPG with friends, where McMillan and I started geeking out over Jellico's armistice and the Klingon occupation of Cardassia, and what that meant for the Maquis alive in work camps (I refuse to believe Tom Riker didn't SO TOTALLY GET AWAY when the Klingons took Cardassia).

This may be because I wrote VOY fanfic at one point.

*whistles innocently*
Little Red: trek - t'les & t'pau - lovetruthbellamylittleredgirl on April 9th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
HA.

I, um, might have a DS9 novel kinda lingering on my hard drive where Tom Riker smuggles a defective Vorta with important knowledge out of Dominion space... by sending a message from prison to the Federation hidden in an electric toothbrush.

The Vulcan Unfuck Trilogy in season 4 of Enterprise is a BEAUTIFUL THING, I tell you. It makes me feel like all the hair I pulled out watching the first three seasons of Vulcan asshattery was NOT IN VAIN.
ljc: innahed (kurt & neil)taraljc on April 9th, 2009 03:04 am (UTC)
I love Manny Coto. For many reasons (chief among them, Odyssey 5), but fixing ENT is very high on that list.
tarkheena lizzeeen: st [teach me to read good]liminalliz on April 9th, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
omg i love EVERYTHING about this post.
Little Red: trek - ani jazzhands - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on April 9th, 2009 03:18 am (UTC)
I think that watching a lot of classic trek and then THE ANIMATED SERIES in a row is going to somehow reformulate the neural pathways in my brain into something CRAZY. Hehehehehe.
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Little Red: sox - fenway - stealingsecondxmylittleredgirl on April 9th, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
Oh. My. God. GIRL. *clings to you and explodes with newbaseballseason gleee*

I really would like to spend money I don't have on MLB.tv's premium package of HOLY AWESOME, and then take a 7-month leave of absence from work life EVERYTHING and watch about two thousand games of baseball because, omg, watching the game with radio sync!?!???? I HAVE WANTED THAT FOREVER. And this sort of hints that they might have actual NESN game coverage...!?

You should totally rewatch!!! :) I am sooooooooo excited for the movie. But also very excited for my general hilarious marathon of classic trek, hehehe.
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Opal: c/p kissoparu on April 9th, 2009 10:21 am (UTC)
OMG I could run off with you and give you a tribble.

So so funny. I love the tin foil contacts and the genuine creepiness of the whole damn episode.