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22 January 2011 @ 08:47 pm
Holodeckathalon: It's Not Like We Have Anything Better To Do  
As anyone with enough time on their hands to watch all the holodeck episodes of Star Trek ever can tell you, boredom leads to some questionable escapist activities. Voyager not only had 75 years on its hands, it also had a crew largely comprised of misfit weirdos as well as a senior officer who was an actual hologram himself, so it's no wonder they have more than their share of holodeck episodes!

Voyager Season 1

"Heroes and Demons"


I cast... GLOWY OCTOPUS!


Harry Kim decides to run a holodeck program for Beowulf, but he disappears. Tuvok and Chakotay go in after him, Chakotay shows off by knowing what century Beowulf was written off the top of his head, and then they also disappear. It's somehow related to a something something outside (plasma field? subspace anomaly? subspace plasma field anomaly?). Janeway decides to send the holographic doctor in to the holodeck on his first "away mission" to try and find out what the heck is going on. He gets his first kiss, loses an arm, gets the arm back, and the girl dies. It turns out that Grendel is actually an alien entity and it all works out at the end, but none of that is as important as the crazy hairstyle Janeway is sporting in this episode:


Who green-lighted this!? WHO?



Voyager, Season 2

"Projections"


Where there's a holodeck episode, Barclay can't be far away.


After some unexplained events, the Doctor starts suspecting that he's a real person and the rest of the crew is holographic. Barclay shows up and verifies this, saying that the Doctor is actually Doctor Zimmerman (the holoprogrammer who created the EMH) and he has been running a holodeck simulation for a few weeks of how the long-term deep-space isolation would affect a mixed crew of Starfleet and Maquis crewmembers in the Delta Quadrant. Barclay does not explain why anyone would feel the need to run such a simulation, or why they would choose to play the role of the holographic doctor that can't leave sickbay, but that's not the weirdest thing about this episode. Barclay tells the Doctor to destroy Voyager so the program will end, but the Doctor has a nervous breakdown about whether he's a real person or a hologram. Turns out the Doctor was in the holodeck on Voyager when some radiation something something made him go completely insane. When it all ends, he's a little bit "yay, I'm a hologram and things are right in the world!" and a little bit "well, fuck, I guess Kes isn't my wife after all."


"Twisted"


It just ain't a Voyager holodeck episode if the Doctor doesn't get his smooch on.


This is one of my favorite Voyager episodes, and it's completely silly. A spatial anomaly is smooshing the ship, changing the configuration around, and the crew (those we care about, anyway) keep ending up back in a holodeck simulation of Sandrine's bar and pool hall, because it's in the dead-center of the ship and is the last area to get squished. They all run around like dorks for 43 minutes, squabbling with each other and the none-the-wiser holograms as they try to save the ship, and in the end everything is fine because the spatial anomaly was actually a life form "saying hello." Dear spatial anomaly life form: do they not have personal space in your dimension?


Voyager Season 3

"Alter Ego"


Working episode title: Single White Hologram.


Harry Kim, Pathetic Ensign of the Stars, falls in love with a hydrosailing teacher in a holographic beach resort. He overreacts to Tuvok by claiming to want to purge all emotion. Tuvok, Long-Suffering Vulcan, decides he has nothing better to do and goes along to meet the holographic babe, Marayna, in order to teach Harry detachment. Only one problem - Marayna turns out to be smarter than the average hologram, and also a bit of a psycho stalker. Tuvok is intrigued by how different she is by ordinary holograms, but not intrigued enough to be okay with her stealing the doctor's mobile emitter, taking control of the ship and threatening death and destruction if he doesn't stay with her on the holodeck. Turns out Marayna is actually a reclusive alien scientist who coopted the holographic character for fun and then ended up obsessing over Tuvok. The Doctor showed up in this episode long enough to get his requisite kiss:


Haters gonna hate.



"Real Life"


Leave it to Beaver: The Next Generation.


The Doctor creates a holographic family for himself to come home to at the end of the day, which is kind of fabulous. Because he's generally clueless and apparently got his source material from somewhere in the 1950s, he builds himself a submissive housewife and brilliant, reverent children. He invites Kes and B'Elanna over for dinner, who are respectively bemused and dramatically offended by the perfection. B'Elanna, who has probably the most dysfunctional family life of anyone on board, offers to make the program more "real". The wife no longer likes him, the teenage son parties and plots violent acts with Klingon friends, and daughter Belle does dangerous sports and throws tantrums. Rather than yell at B'Elanna, the Doctor decides to make it work and falls in love with his difficult kids, just in time for Belle to get fatally injured and DIE. It makes me angry that the Doctor or B'Elanna don't just fix the program to make her survive - he's pretending they aren't holograms, but they are, and he has the capacity to save her, so JUST DO IT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME, DAMN YOU. Anyway, B'Elanna killed the Doctor's kid. ALSO:


B'Elanna's interest in romance novels: CANON.


We're not even done with season 3, folks. Pull up a chair.
 
 
 
Ridiculously Fanatic: voy janeway by caffeynel_ani on January 23rd, 2011 05:05 am (UTC)
When it all ends, he's a little bit "yay, I'm a hologram and things are right in the world!" and a little bit "well, fuck, I guess Kes isn't my wife after all."

Bwa!

REAL LIFE, AHHHHHH! Damn you, episode, damn you to hell!
Little Red: trek - ani happyface - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on January 23rd, 2011 05:14 am (UTC)
SERIOUSLY, WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO US? WHYYYY???

That needs a fix-it so badly. Can you imagine the rest of the show with the doctor's family? Ha. Naomi and Belle could be friends!
Ridiculously Fanatic: voyager tom/b'elanna by vgrbabenel_ani on January 23rd, 2011 03:52 pm (UTC)
I knowwwww! Like anyone would actually do that in real life. "Hey, this person I love and adore is dying, and I can save her, but I won't, because it makes my life less real."

It's as though they would just shut the EMH down in that episode where he has a nervous breakdown because of the moral dilemma where he chose between two lives to save (WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT EP? IT IS SO GOOD!).
Little Red: trek - encyclopedia - ghost_sheepmylittleredgirl on January 26th, 2011 02:53 am (UTC)
RIGHT. RIGHT. EXACTLY. I assume you will back me when I write the epic 20-part fanfic of How Belle Survives And Saves The Ship With Her Cuteness And Jeffrey Hangs Out With Icheb I Guess.

Latent Image, I think?? That episode is so traumatizing. :( Poor everyone!
Ridiculously Fanaticnel_ani on January 26th, 2011 10:34 am (UTC)
You should write that! (And for the love of god, give the son a decent haircut.) Along with the fic where Hugh joins the Enterprise's crew and is adorable and sexy in a deborgified manner.

Latent Image, I think?? That episode is so traumatizing. :( Poor everyone!

But guh, so so good. The EMH gets the best eps, both due to RP being awesomesauce and the Doctor getting interesting storylines.
(Deleted comment)
Little Redmylittleredgirl on January 23rd, 2011 05:16 am (UTC)
They are ridiculous. I'm watching "Worst Case Scenario" now, and they are all crazy. I don't think anyone on that ship ever did any work.
(Deleted comment)
Little Redmylittleredgirl on January 23rd, 2011 06:04 am (UTC)
I know. You've got to wonder how many weeks pass with nothing to do at all except fly through space and wait to be attacked by something.
Opal: voy j gorgeousoparu on January 23rd, 2011 10:35 am (UTC)
it's so true!!! at least the Enterprise got pointless missions, Voyager had to WAIT for insanity to find them. So they could fix it.
Clydesuzvoy on January 23rd, 2011 11:27 am (UTC)
I LOVE WORST CASE SCENARIO.
Little Redmylittleredgirl on January 26th, 2011 02:54 am (UTC)
IT WAS AMAZING AS IT ALWAYS IS.
ljc: bacon!taraljc on January 23rd, 2011 05:54 am (UTC)
I am still deeply amused that the Doctor's holographic daughter (who was also in Janeway's holonovel) is now Sooki's cousin on True Blood.
Little Red: trek - ani the fuck - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on January 23rd, 2011 06:03 am (UTC)
a) OMG, you're so right that she's also the girl from Janeway's holonovel. That's awesome. The Doctor totally plucked her physical parameters from a database of available holograms, I think.

b) It's kind of mind-blowing that she's now grown-up and on True Blood, which I don't watch, but know is mostly about sex with vampires.
a universal sigh: Voy - Janeway - purple hazenaushika on January 23rd, 2011 08:16 am (UTC)
YESSS, PERFECTION. ALL OF THESE EPISODES. THE ONE ABOUT THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY IS MY FAVORITE. EXCEPT THE DEATH PART, I TOTALLY AGREE, THAT BIT ALWAYS ANNOYS ME CAUSE DAMNIT. IT'S JUST A HOLODECK PROGRAM.

Omg. Pathetic Ensign of the Stars. LOL. AND LONG-SUFFERING VULCAN. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT TUVOK IS. POOR, POOR TUVOK.

And wow. Yeah. Janeway's hair in that cap.. no.
Little Redmylittleredgirl on January 26th, 2011 02:54 am (UTC)
HAHAHA I love this comment. YES YES YES AND YES TO ALL OF THAT. SAVE THE FUCKING CHILD AND DITCH THE HAIR STAT, TY TY TY. ALSO, I give Tuvok full pemission to slap one person per day.
Opal: voy happy J heartsoparu on January 23rd, 2011 10:37 am (UTC)
B'Elanna's ability to frak things up for the Doctor is awesome and eventually makes him so much more human. Points to her, and her romance novels.

come on Worst Case Scenario. How I love thee.
Opal: voy ship pushoparu on January 23rd, 2011 10:39 am (UTC)
also? I adore Twisted for being so weird and not really having an ending. There's something awesome about that. (and delusional Janeway, and TUVOK!!!)
Jo. R: VOY JC Naughty thoughtsdriftingatdusk on January 23rd, 2011 11:44 am (UTC)
... I can't believe I didn't actually notice Janeway's hair in 'Twisted'. Am so gonna be distracted by that next time I rewatch!

Little Redmylittleredgirl on January 26th, 2011 02:55 am (UTC)
Janeway's hair is truly a marvel to behold. If only there were a clear scale of hair to episode quality, like Riker's beard!