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16 May 2011 @ 10:59 pm
I HAVE FAILED IN MY MISSION  
AS SHEPHERD OF THIS SHIP

Because I went out drinking with a surprise-coworker-friend-from-out-of-town and MISSED IT ALL and then I saw on tumblr that he apparently cried because of how much he loves her OR SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN KNOW and then I literally just camped on youtube for half an hour clicking REFRESH REFRESH REFRESH and-

There are no words.

And I'm still a bit drunk.

NO WORDS.

They do this Argentine Tango and I'M TELLING YOU just close your eyes when they start to fucking slo-mo her neck getting crunched in the rehearsal footage because OF COURSE they had to show that shit TWICE but seriously they dance and it's amazing and would be the sexiest thing ever if I wasn't so worried that she was going to fall and somehow Kym doesn't die and then they're both crying and he tells Brooke that he loves Kym and it's just I CAN'T EVEN:



I would watch it again for the squeee but the angst and pain might KILL ME. Then they do a salsa or something I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S BIZARRE:



And the judges are completely overcome by them and really, they know Kym and love her and probably the 10s across the board tonight are sort of because they're glad she didn't die but look, let's ignore that and just focus on how ridiculously Hines and Kym adore each other as they well should. If they don't hook up after this show it's a crime, I swear to God. Hopefully Hines' awesome mom will smack him and be like Go buy that girl diamonds seriously. And thank God Kym learned her lesson: even if you love him and think he can do no wrong, he would seriously prefer to lose the mirrorball trophy if it means not freaking killing you in dance rehearsal.

And there's some cha-cha shenanigans after that because this episode is ridiculous, and the dancing is sort of not that stellar, and you can tell Kym is sort of like "fuuuck, we have to dance again" when they win the first round. And then in the second round she's awesomely like "Yeah, no, I'm not returning to the studio tonight." And I'm going to just assume Hines takes her home to her mom and then goes out and buys her ice cream or something and LET ME HAVE THIS FANTASY:



I love Brooke, but she struggles with simple things like coin tosses. It's a good thing she's supernaturally pretty, let's just say that.



I love that Mark has his arm around Kym during the judge's scores. He's a total scenery-chewing douche most of the time, but he really does seem to love his fellow dancers, and he earns a lot of points for that.

Ehhnnngggg if she doesn't get diamonds and many years of orgasms after this I'm going to be SUPER IRATE on her behalf.

I really need to stop drinking. You know I'm like this anyway.

I'd basically write really drunken porn all night except I need to pick up my coworker-in-crime tomorrow and every now and again I remember that my boss found this blog once and I'm posting this unlocked but look, this is like a super important occasion. They can't lay me off for just having no sense of scale when it comes to importance of ship-related issues as opposed to real life.

Really, going to bed.

LOVE YOU ALL.

Morning After Edit: Post-performance interviews. These are basically live-action fanfic.



And this interviewer can't contain herself from just flat-out telling them to go get married and have babies (NOTE: this interviewer actually not me):



I... just... ALL THE DIAMONDS.
 
 
feel: indescribableTHERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THIS
 
 
 
peanutbuttererpeanutbutterer on May 17th, 2011 06:12 am (UTC)
I WATCHED IT FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOOU.

And man, if this was scripted television people would be yelling at the writers because they're being so obvious omg where is the suspense? OF COURSE they're doing it.

And the coin toss was lolarious.
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 06:15 am (UTC)
I'M NOT ACTUALLY IN BED. (Well technically yes, but sleeping no.)

OMG OMG. I still kind of wonder if they're not doing it but YOU KNOW HE TOTALLY GETS IT NOW because she almost died (well kind of) and came through for him and just. just. *FLAILS*

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN is all I can really say about this.

AND YOU WATCHED IT! AND! AND! He was up all night worrying about her and... just... *sputter*

THIS WILL BE THE EPIC STORY THEY TELL THEIR KIDS AMIRITE.
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
I added post-performance interviews. NO SUSPENSE AT ALL. ACTUAL FANFIC ON MY SCREEN. OMG.
peanutbuttererpeanutbutterer on May 17th, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
OH, INTERVIEWER!

It's like his whole world is zeroed in on Kym. Contest? What contest?
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 08:41 pm (UTC)
RIGHT? RIGHT? I seriously think that if they don't win, neither of them will give a single fuck. You know? After all of this, they're just going to be swanning around in the mutual bliss of her being fine and how he was there for her and the fact that they can now hook up without worrying about ruining their partnership and really, contest, what contest INDEED.

Kym, girlfriend, if you don't spend your off-season in his bitchin' mansion in Georgia you are out of your mind. (We can just assume that he's going to totally invite her after this, right? His mama raised a smart boy I hope!)
Pooh: gahh! (by raelala)mspooh on May 17th, 2011 11:54 am (UTC)
GRRRR. Seriously. I am no longer using that stupid LJ iPhone app anymore. This is the third consecutive time my replies HAVE NOT posted from that thing. GRRR.

Anyway -- *deep breath*

DAMN GIRL! Watching this first thing when I get home from work (late -- booo!) tonight. First thing. Unless you want me to wait and watch with you andholdyourhand or maybeyouneedtoholdmyhandidunno. LOL
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 03:55 pm (UTC)
Oh no!!! :( Yeah better to just comment in Safari, bleh. So tragical! I WANT ALL OF YOUR SQUEEE and am forced to share it with app gremlins! ;)

OMGOMGOMGOMG you might need to watch it right away because I promised my friend's son I'd come over after work today and he's a child so I can't really be like "LOOK, I JUST, THE INTERNET IS MORE IMPORTANT." ;)

I'm adding some post-performance interview videos to the post above where Hines is mother-henning her like crazy and talking about how he's just so grateful to be dancing with Kym again and how he doesn't want to dance with anyone else and at one point the interviewer can't contain herself and literally tells them to go get married and have babies, and Kym laughs and Hines goes "That's the next story" and dude, he was so shaken up by all of this that she will be getting ALL THE DIAMONDS. ALL OF THEM.

And then Kym posts to twitter that Hines is her "perfect partner" and it's like THIS ISN'T EVEN FANFIC BUT IT'S EXACTLY LIKE FANFIC.
Pooh: Clerks - sexy talk (by graphicalrum)mspooh on May 17th, 2011 06:31 pm (UTC)
DUDE. I JUST - I DON'T - OMG - YES. Just YES.

HEE! Oh man. This is the BEST pick me up EVER. I'm just taking a break from participating in an all day customer audit, where I have to talk about our SOPs and stuff (and really annoyingly, help rescue R&D every time they open their mouths and say something stupid, and I'm done, I'm completely done with being their savior just cuz they never prepped for this shit like they were supposed to). And I'm taking a break and I see this and... OMGWTF I can't stop heeing and squeeing and smiling now. Which is bad. Because I need to go help answer more questions now.

But seriously. I'm just... yeah.
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 08:55 pm (UTC)
They are like our PERSONAL CONVEYERS OF JOY. I am totally using this to escape from coworker stupidity (uhhhnnng, I haven't even figured out how to make a comic out of some of the crap they were saying to me yesterday). I don't even know what I'm going to do when the season ends and the internet is no longer full of constant news clips reinforcing my OTP shipping here. This is seriously as good as it gets. Hines and Kym are such perfect squeee! And it's... it's Kym! She's just basically America's Australian Sweetheart. I doubt there's a single person who watches this show who doesn't wish her endless hearts and flowers and diamonds, because she's always so sweet, and just watching her light up this season with him is just... &hearts

I can't get over any of this! And her fall is so awful but he totally takes care of her on the clip and then after (I love him telling her she has to put her neck brace back on and her totally taking his word for it that he's paying more attention than she is). And they so obviously adore each other the most and don't even care about the trophy because they just love dancing together. Nnngdlkajg;alkjh; how could they not hook up now. How could they not.
Pooh: SN - freaky cute (by frostedmagnolia)mspooh on May 18th, 2011 02:44 am (UTC)
Ok. Watching the episode. First: Hello, Kym! That was a pretty short white skirt she was wearing in rehearsals. Heh. Second: Why are you trying things you've never tried with me before? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND TRUST YOU AND LOVE YOU AND HEARTS AND BUTTERFLIES AND STUFF! Haha. Third: Oh man. That was like... ugh. I know exactly how Hines feels. I totally teared up. And Kym worrying more about wasting a day of his training -- yeah, I... yeah. TEARS, DAMMIT. *bawls* Fourth: HOLY MOTHER ARGENTINE FREAKING TANGO. WTF. DAMN. That was like post-injury, passionate, wanna make sure we're still alive, end of the world hello apocalypse sex. DAMN. Just... damn. Also, MOST APPROPRIATE SONG EVER. And OMG THE CRYING. Big manly football players DO cry! HE TOTALLY LOVES HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. And Len's right -- THAT was a tango... and the best case for never ever doing anything BUT the Argentine Tango again on this show. Yowza. And OMGHAHAHAHA. Even Kym's boob was so in lust with Hines, it tried to pop out of its dress while they were hugging. HEE!

Edited at 2011-05-18 02:51 am (UTC)
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 18th, 2011 03:14 am (UTC)
EEEEEEEEE!! I know! I know! I know! There are NO WORDS right? It's just ALL OF THE ALLCAPS THAT YOU PUT IN HERE AND MORE. There was so much crying and so much love and just omgzzzzz all he was thinking about was dancing with her and didn't even notice the scores and she totally almost lost her dress haha.

Also, I KNOW re: her little mini-outfits. I mean, it's entirely possible Kym was out of laundry or something, but she's pretty much just wearing that stuff to drive him crazy, right? (Or maybe to try and train him with it so when she comes out in her mini-costumes he doesn't flip out).

THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE. I have watched it like four times and just hide for the actual fall, which I still haven't actually watched with eyes open because OMG. THEY BROKE KYM. :( But she's fine now! And he freaking cuddled her on the floor and you just know him being in the hospital with her made her feel better. *spaz*

I'm watching the 2 hour results show rock block so we're both DWTSing it out. Warren Sapp is making fun of Tom right now. And he might have just laid smack to Hines about how Warren would never drop Kym. And he's doing a play-by-play of Kym and Warren's freestyle. I forgot how ridiculous Kym's outfit was for this. And those lifts were insane. And Warren just blasted the show for giving Chelsea 15 free points last night, LOL.

This champs returning to dissect their own freestyles is... weird.

AHAHA THEY ARE ALL KYM'S PARTNERS. Warren and now Donnie Osmond. Ahahaha. Donnie Osmond is so irritating, I must say. Bless Kym for not slapping him for his sheer ego on his season.

Edit: It's important to note that since they're all Kym's partners, this has basically been a nonstop narrative of all the times she has ever been dropped in rehearsal. *headdesk*

Edited at 2011-05-18 03:17 am (UTC)
Pooh: SGA - Liz heeee! (by samjack-girl)mspooh on May 18th, 2011 03:25 am (UTC)
Hahaha. Warren was a hoot in his season. I haven't even gotten to the cha-cha-off yet, and I already agree with him about giving Chelsea the free points last night. I heard she got the encore, too, which after that ridiculously awesome AT from Kym/Hines is kinda like WHAT THE WHATTHEFUCK. Well, at least if they're doing a narrative of all the times Kym's ever been dropped in rehearsal, that means that they feel confident enough in her health to tease a bit. But Hines should definitely man up and be the only one to shower her with a ridiculous amount of diamonds and sex. Yes.

I hit the salsa portion of my DWTSing. All I have to say: HELLO HELLO, HINES'S BUTT.
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 18th, 2011 03:32 am (UTC)
Aww, man! I think they probably didn't give them the encore out of concern for her health, you know? It would have been kind of cruel to not give her a day off.

If you know who goes home, don't tell me! I'm on West Coast time!

I don't think they intended to be teasing her as much as it just sounds a little off-color to have everyone talk about dropping Kym when Hines is probably just like "fuuuuck" - but clearly they booked Warren and Donnie before her accident.

It was so nice to see Warren again! :)

Not as nice as Hines' butt. HELLO HELLO INDEED.

Am I the only one who wants there to be a "repeat your favorite dance!" bit in the finale and Hines can do the foxtrot and give her a real ring (not, like, an engagement ring - you know - but DIAMONDS AND SEX)? You know the audience would just LOSE IT COMPLETELY when he flashes the ring box before the dance.

ETA: Kind of distracted by Anna wearing a pink pleather dress right now. WHAT IS THIS EPISODE. They're just basically making pros and troupe people dance around to past competitors' freestyle songs. The dancing is great but it sounds like I'm at karaoke night.

ETA2: and now Tom is interviewing Brooke and she looks just as utterly confused by words and thoughts. I really do love her. She just told America she put a breast pad on her tailbone and goes "I have a tail!" Girl's rocking some incredible earrings though. Brooke's narrative is pretty much "oh man, this could have gone so badly WHAT WERE WE THINKING." I miss Derek too!

Edited at 2011-05-18 03:40 am (UTC)
Pooh: SGA - Shep rawr (by natushka)mspooh on May 18th, 2011 04:08 am (UTC)
I WANT A REAL RING! For Kym, I mean. Girlfriend deserves a huge one.

Cha-cha-off! Boogie Shoes! Is it wrong for me to be staring at Hines's butt all the time now? It's just so... mesmerizing. Haha.

I never was much of a Steelers fan, not since they lost a game and booted me out of my NFL suicide pool with only 5 people left in the pool. That said, I really hope they rabidly vote for Hines so girlfriend can get a mirrorball to go with the gigantic diamond she's sure to get from boyfriend. Steeler Nation can surely crush Team Douchebag, right?

Your description of the results show... hmm... now I'm a little wary about watching it. Yet, it sounds like a trainwreck that must be watched. Haha.

AND OMGWTFDITZMOMENT. Hines telling Brooke she has NO CLUE how to work a coin toss... omgpriceless. lmfao. She is just so ridiculous sometimes, you really do have to love her.

Ick. That instant cha cha was... whatever. I'm still staring at Hines's butt. Haha.
Little Red: dwts - hines/kymmylittleredgirl on May 18th, 2011 04:16 am (UTC)
OMG SPOILER - so Hines and Kym are totally in the finals (is that even a spoiler? they basically won the past 12 years of the show entirely last night) and they just announced it and you could totally hear Hines saying as he hugs her, "We did it. Just don't worry, just don't worry." AWWW. Seriously if they don't win, they will not care at all and just hug each other and there should be confessions of intentions the first time they're alone and just, seriously, Hines is so right, the competish doesn't matter at all at this point. <3 <3 <3 I COULD NOT LOVE THEM MORE. And in the clip from backstage, she's like "I told you not to watch it! How could you even dance after that?" and it's just, omg, MORE DRAMA THAN I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW AND I LOVE IT.

The pro dances make it worth watching the crackfest of the first hour ("THE FREESTYLE" I think it's called). And right now Anna is dancing with Dmitry again, which is my new favorite thing next to Hines/Kym and Jonathan/Anna dances, so that's officially worth watching too. Although I feel really terrible for Karina having to sit through this after the judges were so mean to them last night. :-/
Rose Wilde-Irishrosewildeirish on May 17th, 2011 01:46 pm (UTC)
<3
Little Red: joy of borg - cleverocitymylittleredgirl on May 17th, 2011 04:04 pm (UTC)
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3