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25 January 2012 @ 10:57 pm
2012 update: That Time I Crocheted A Granny Square  
I think I just figured out how the 60s happened, you guys.



All right, I'm admitting it right here: I never wanted to make a granny square.

Which is strange, given my love of handcrafted kitschy things, and granny square trivets / kleenex box cozies / overalls for completely grown-ass people to wear voluntarily are about the kitschiest handmade things imaginable.


Crochet means never having to say you're kidding.


But seriously, everything I ever encountered granny-square-related was a) hideous, b) scratchy, and c) not particularly useful, given that I dislike non-solid fabrics for anything that's supposed to provide warmth otherwise what is the point, you know?

But since it's THE defining element of crochet, I couldn't let Learn To Crochet month go by without trying it. I spent a few days trying to get my will up to do any of the awesome(?) patterns in my vintage pattern books and just... look at that crocheted shortall up there again and understand why I couldn't commit to bringing something like that into the world.

Then! I found online a granny square pattern from 1891. Obviously! The granniest of them all! Before anyone had ever heard of combining orange and gold and predigested green!


This is what "Long-Suffering" looks like.

She takes it, because she knows it could be worse.


Pattern available!

So I have granny squared! I didn't think I was sold on it. I mean, just thinking about all the yarn ends Mrs. 1891 Granny Square had to weave in after her recommended 156 squares to make an afghan strikes terror into my heart. I was juuuuust about to count my blessings and move on to the next item on my Crochet Musts when it occurred to me.

Wait.

This is awesome.

I should make more of these. Make an afghan. And matching pillow! And a kleenex box cover! I could UPHOLSTER MY COUCH! I could actually just GRANNY SQUARE FOREVER!

GOOD GOD, ALL THOSE AWFUL PATTERNS LOOK AMAZING NOW.

I WANT TO BE THIS WOMAN, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL:


I WANT TO WEAR THIS OUTSIDE MY HOME.

WHAT UNHOLY MAGIC DOES THE GRANNY SQUARE POSSESS?

I have 40 tabs open right now because I need a granny square poncho and they're all kind of terrible but I'm convinced that if I just start something magical and full of granny square crack fairy dust will EMERGE and be THE GREATEST THING EVER MADE.


Like this or like one of the other 45 tabs I have open researching midcentury poncho styles!

Look, if you need me for the next REST OF MY LIFE, I'll be in a van on my way to Woodstock and I probably need gas.
 
 
 
teh nos'nostalgia_lj on January 26th, 2012 07:18 am (UTC)
CROCHETTTTTTT
a universal sighnaushika on January 26th, 2012 08:07 am (UTC)
Oh god, a granny square.. we've lost you!

;)
(Deleted comment)
entertaining in a disturbing way: Whoops!lyssie on January 26th, 2012 12:59 pm (UTC)
THAT DRESS IS ACTUALLY KINDA AWESOME. Even if a bit eye-searing.
Havochavocthecat on January 26th, 2012 03:35 pm (UTC)
I love the shape of it. But the bulls-eye granny square on the chest is just plain wrong.
Nenya Kanadka: [fandom] Uhura heartsnenya_kanadka on January 27th, 2012 07:46 am (UTC)
Yeah, all of it except the GRANNY SQUARE on the front is pretty awesome. Hee.
Havochavocthecat on January 26th, 2012 03:34 pm (UTC)
Hee!

My shawl pattern tells me to put a row or two of crochet atop the edge after I bind off. SHOULD I FEAR THE CROCHET BORG?
Julie, betrayer of the literary traditionsplash_the_cat on January 26th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC)
SOLID COLOR GRANNY SQUARES. All the awesome and a fraction of the end tucking.
Nenya Kanadka: [fandom] My Little Pony Rainbow Dashnenya_kanadka on January 27th, 2012 07:46 am (UTC)
This is what I was going to suggest too! :D Less eye-searing as well.
-a.frog/gorf.a-froggoddess on January 27th, 2012 03:17 am (UTC)
O god I am loving Learn to Crochet month!!!!
Brona WinceBrona Wince on February 2nd, 2012 11:53 am (UTC)
Honestly I love this dress and would love to have the pattern. Please, please, please tell me that you either have it or know where I can get it. Thanks so much. A Crochet Partners fellow member, Brona