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05 December 2004 @ 10:17 am
angst for breakfast  
More fic-like things :)

Title: Solace
Rating: PG
Category: Sheppard/Weir, angst
Summary: Not all missions end well.
Author's Note: Another entry for the Lyssie School of Fanfic Writing. (unbeta'd, random, etc... blame it on Lyssie and Liz and Allie and everyone who was all "just write randomness and spam it at us! 'Tis fun!")
Dedication: driftingatdusk wanted angst, smut, and fluff. ... one out of three ain't bad?

***

Her bed is warmer than his.

John needs that, after a mission. Needs it in a way he's not comfortable with, in fact, but he knows that once he's there, once he's got her hair against his cheek and her arms around him and the smell of her in the bedding keeping him warm, he will feel more than comfortable. He'll feel okay. He needs that.

Usually he waits for an invitation, but not tonight. He still hasn't figured out what, exactly, went wrong in this mission, but he can't think about it anymore. He needs sleep. He needs to get away, for a few hours, from the screams of an alien village torn completely apart by Wraith darts and the sick knowledge that he led them there, somehow.

Two of his men are still in critical condition in the medical bay, and he stood vigil as long as he could stand it. He just wants Elizabeth's arms around his body and her hands on his head, like silent absolution, comforting him his weakness and his mistakes.

Instead, she speaks. "You did the best you could."

He shakes his head into her shoulder, her nightgown. He doesn't want the pep talk, can't stomach hearing trite words over something so unforgivable. There were children lost. Babes practically in arms.

The Wraith came because of him, because he looked like an Ancient to scanners left behind. And McKay knew it could happen. Scanned the relics. Made his recommendation.

And he, John Sheppard, had deemed the risk acceptable.

McKay got by with a broken ankle only. Pierce didn't even make it back to the 'gate. Beckett thinks Markham and Healey will both pull through, but Healey may end up mostly blind from repeated Wraith stun blasts to the face and it will be a miracle if Markham regains full mobility in his hands.

Teyla is back home with her people already, sick with the memories of their old homeworld brought back by seeing this strange land torched. Ford is okay, keeping watch in the medical bay like a good soldier, not thinking about the death toll in the hundreds or, if he is, comforting himself with the refrain that he was following orders.

"No," Elizabeth says. "Look at me."

The wraith were after him, wanted him, and ironically he walked away without a scratch.

He looks up at her.

"You did the best you could," she says again, with conviction.

He has the evil thought that this is because they are sleeping together, that she's dismissing his obvious faults so easily because of blind favoritism or because she can't bear the thought that she has touched him so intimately if he is really that bad. He wants to blame her because he can't stand the determined compassion in her eyes.

She didn't see what happened. She only sees him.

"You did the best you could," she repeats. Her voice breaks a little.

He feels like he's crumpling, like paper, as he folds into her.

She holds him when he starts to shake.
 
 
feel: artisticartistic
hear: Cowboy Junkies - 200 Miles
 
 
 
Jo. R: SW John - voice by ladyofemynarnendriftingatdusk on December 5th, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
*sniffles*

So unbelievably angsty and sad but at the same time, the Shep/Weir shipper in me loves it. *hearts broken!Shep and comforting!Elizabeth*

Thank you lots. I *heart* this story and I *heart* you. So, so, so glad you're back!
Little Red: b5 - all alone in the night - thatfangirmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:03 am (UTC)
My heart totally jumped at your icon. Squeeeeee!

*hearts broken!Shep and comforting!Elizabeth*

Oh, I *really* heart them. But... it's not me that does it to them! It's the show!! I... give them each other as bedwarmers to make the angst of being on a sci-fi war show easier! *nods*

I'm so glad I'm back, too! :) And thankyouthankyouthankyou for The Defiant One (which I now have to burn and send to people...)! I'm still hunting for a way to watch other eps (since .avi stuff won't play on my computer, silly mac) but hopefully I'll find something soon!

*clings*
Jo. Rdriftingatdusk on December 7th, 2004 07:15 am (UTC)
I'm currently downloadin a .mpg of Before I Sleep so if you need that, I'll send it to you via yousentit.com when I get home tonight.

and if you're having no luck getting Hot Zone as a .mpg, I'm happy to download a version for you?
Little Red: sga - gimme hope lizzie - nostalgiamylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:10 pm (UTC)
Ooooooh. *squeee!*

I'm heckling Tammy right now to see if she already has mpegs of Hot Zone and Sanctuary (since she is also .avi-challenged, but has bittorrent capability where I do not)... if she doesn't, I will come back to you with cute pleading puppy eyes and fic.
anranr on December 5th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
Her voice breaks a little.

He feels like he's crumpling, like paper, as he folds into her.


Wow. Now that's angst.

*rubs chest*
Little Red: b5 - all alone in the night - thatfangirmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad that line worked! I was worried I was getting too metaphor-y ;)

I feel like I now owe Sheppard and Weir squeee in some form, but they don't seem to be done angsting. *sighs at them*
anranr on December 7th, 2004 09:35 am (UTC)
Worked perfectly.

I feel like I now owe Sheppard and Weir squeee in some form, but they don't seem to be done angsting.

Oh yeah. Totally hate it when that happens. ;)
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: sga - wet!john/lizzie - shewaselectricmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:05 am (UTC)
Hehehe. Wraith suck! *amuses self*

Shep/Weir are the perfect pairing because they are naturally both fluffy and angsty.

Theyaresoperfect!! They really are getting scarily OTP on me. *loves them madly*
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: sga - s/w season 2 - A.j.mylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:16 pm (UTC)
... apparently "OTP" is the wrong word, because I ALSO love the idea that both of them should slut up the Pegasus Galaxy for as long as they can resist each other :)

I just meant that at this point I care more about them getting together at some point (and not on-screen, because I don't really care about that, but IN MY HEAD) than I do anyone else.

Man, I make a crappy OTP-er, don't I?
(Deleted comment)
pellucidpellucid on December 5th, 2004 06:11 pm (UTC)
Oh Wow! I liked the fluff, but this is really better. I'm such an angst junkie, especially when it doesn't require characters I love actually dying.

He has the evil thought that this is because they are sleeping together, that she's dismissing his obvious faults so easily because of blind favoritism or because she can't bear the thought that she has toughed him so intimately if he is really that bad.

eeeee! That is the question, now, isn't it. *hearts* your John and Elizabeth!
Little Red: sga - wet!john/lizzie - shewaselectricmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:10 am (UTC)
YES! Down with character death!!

Although I'm shy about even regular angst... I like my angst softcore. There should be cuddling. And hope. And no death of people I care about and have paired off together.

That is the question, now, isn't it.

It really is. I'm not sure I know the answer, either, although I suspect Elizabeth can compartmentalize her brain into professional and personal better than John can. (Although, one can hope, not quite to the ridiculous extent that Sam can). Hmm.

Damn. And now Lizzie's poking my brain all "You know, I will need to have angst about this, too." *eyes her*
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: b5 - all alone in the night - thatfangirmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:10 am (UTC)
Yep. Just add orange juice and toast, and voila! Breakfast of champions.
entertaining in a disturbing waylyssie on December 5th, 2004 07:59 pm (UTC)
Ahhh, a little angst in the morning is a good thing.

Reallylike this. Especially the bit about Ford. And how John thinks Liz isn't thinking clearly 'cause it's him and they're sleeping together.

And her voice breaks. REALLY like that.
Little Red: sga - wet!john/lizzie - shewaselectricmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:12 am (UTC)
*squeees* Yay!! Lyssie liking things makes me happy :)

And how John thinks Liz isn't thinking clearly 'cause it's him and they're sleeping together.

John will totally continue to beat himself up all the time after missions and stuff and not believe her when she tells him to shake it off. It's the same thing as we have now, except *now* he blames her cheery optimism and in the future he'll blame her weak woman mind. Except he will never, ever actually think of it in those words, because she can read his mind, and she would kill him.
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: sga - wet!john/lizzie - shewaselectricmylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:13 am (UTC)
It is a mac :( Apparently they haven't released a version of quicktime for the mac that can handle .avi files. I will have to scour the internet anyway, but I trust those who tell me so.
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: sga - gimme hope lizzie - nostalgiamylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:17 pm (UTC)
... really?

I have OS 10, but it's one of the earlier versions of it (it's still Jaguar, and it's OS 10.2.3. I've heard that you can watch .avi stuff with DivX, but you need 10.2.8 .

What program do you use?
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: sga - gimme hope lizzie - nostalgiamylittleredgirl on December 8th, 2004 03:37 am (UTC)
Gah. I REALLY want panther. I should be able to download 10.2.8 for free, yes, but it doesn't actually let me. *kicks stupid site* I haven't figured out why or what to do about it. I'll give it another shot, though... thanks for the tips :)
(Deleted comment)
Little Redmylittleredgirl on December 8th, 2004 04:48 am (UTC)
I noticed that when I went to the website, but it didn't specify a release date.

Also, it'll take a while for programs to release 10.4 versions (assuming that's what Tiger will be designated)... so I might be waiting a while. At one point someone said they might have a copy of Panther lying around their workplace that I could have... *eyes besyd* I will have to ask her again!
(Deleted comment)
Allie O'N: Atlantis1alliesings on December 5th, 2004 10:14 pm (UTC)
The Wraith came because of him, because he looked like an Ancient to scanners left behind. And McKay knew it could happen. Scanned the relics. Made his recommendation.

I'm jealous now because that could be an actual plot to an actual really good fic.

or because she can't bear the thought that she has touched him so intimately if he is really that bad.

Powerful angst.
Little Red: sg - osiris knowing evil - littlekfrumylittleredgirl on December 5th, 2004 10:41 pm (UTC)
I'm jealous now because that could be an actual plot to an actual really good fic.

It's yours if you want it :)

(As a general rule, all ficbunnies associated with my fics are free for the taking, as long as whoever takes them doesn't mind if I end up using something like it somewhere myself, too. Somehow all of this being legally questionable makes it look like the public domain!)

Powerful angst.

Poor John. Scary if it's actually true. Poor Lizzie. Man! I need to start 'shipping for shows where the people, like, work in a department store, and nobody dies or kills anyone or anything...
Tammy - never give up, never surrender: SG1 - Sam Kidding - besydbesyd on December 5th, 2004 11:29 pm (UTC)
Geez. Excellent, m'dear. And you worried about spamming quickfic. Heh.
Little Red: trek - naomi wildman - jen717mylittleredgirl on December 7th, 2004 06:14 am (UTC)
*hugs you*

You know I am paranoid. But lookie! I posted to lj even without you to kick me first!