Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red

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the more things change

Get-together with the old shop crew. The tone is the same -- still talking about the same firings and hirings, but the substance is different. Two divorces have gone through since I left, new people, new Big Issues being faced. But the same people are still upset about the same things. It's like we're all moving at different speeds.

I also ran into one of my high school "friends" -- someone I liked, respected (*gasp!* weird in LMHS, that's for sure) but only tangentially associated with. He's taking time off, too (he called it the "seven-year track through a four-year school"). His friends are differently weird like my friends, but I felt at home in the conversation, as much as I *didn't* feel at home because I wondered whether or not I was still, somehow, on a Lenox social ladder I've since lost track of.

And my darling, darling, sweet little nineteen year old friend from work this summer is pregnant. I probably have no right to feel anything about this, but I feel a lot. We spent all summer in a shared baby-swoon, and so I'm happy for her, but also sad because I know she has her own mysterious-ill-health syndrome, gossip says she doesn't have her parents' support (although she does have her boyfriend's), and because this will be so, so hard even if it's so, so good. And I'm selfishly sad that this is going to change our friendship, that I might lose her totally. And I'm jealous, too, because I want this -- GOD, do I want this -- but I don't have it I know, I know it's both "just the way it is" and for the best.

I hate that I heard this from the grapevine and not from her. I hate that I lost her contact info and that everybody tells me she has "missed me so much" and that she went through it so far by herself, although I KNOW she's more than capable of it. I'm going to find her tomorrow if I have to drive all over the damned county, though, and then I'll find out the real deal and that'll be good.

Well... that's all. I have no idea whether using livejournal as imood-style journal space is acceptable, so if people are irked by the random thought-y way I'm posting, tell me and I'll flee(e) back to imood. I don't know things about das internet.

-- Little Red, who is the only person in her household to remember her parents' anniversary tomorrow. Which, incidentally, means today is Beethoven's birthday (married on such a date so my dad would "never forget" -- weird stock I spring from!).

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