Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red
mylittleredgirl

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boring, boring, boring

I will get my act together.

Things will remain okay.

(I always get self-critical when I'm feeling too sick to sleep. Nothing's actually wrong beyond there being clothes on my floor and the fact that I seem incapable of forcing myself to take my damned meds three times a day and eat food and be polite to my father's billion friends when I'm not feeling 100%. And a lack of self-discipline to just lie in bed at 9 pm no matter how much I want a distraction. It'll all be fine tomorrow, whine whine whine.)

edit: never mind! I just remembered that I went on new herbal meds today on a pretty high dosage, and that life was actually delightful and rosy up until 6 pm when they started. I always forget that changing stuff like that makes me bonkers for a while. *tables this bit of angst, then*

I did watch a lot of Babylon 5 tonight, though. And then proceeded to wax endlessly and nonsensically about it. I've spared you all most of my scattered B5 rambles until now by keeping them in a Word Document of Fear-Inducing Geekiness, but I'll post two of them here unedited just so this isn't just me whining. Spoilers all the way through, but thoughts came from watching the beginning of season 2. (I do actually advise you don't read them, since they're long and probably quite inane, and I don't feel up to editing. My sudden desire to communicate with the internet demands that I post anyway.)

I started thinking about the layers and layers of secrecy on B5. No one really trusts anyone completely. I mean, Delenn and Sheridan are the OTP and I'm pretty sure they will never, ever tell each other The Whole Truth about what happened during the Minbari war, above and beyond whatever other Minbari secrets Delenn is sitting on. I doubt Sinclair ever told Catherine about the hole in his mind. Given the characters and situations established, it's almost impossible, even in fanfic, to get characters to the point where they could trust each other that much. Susan and Talia? I doubt it. They're both far too paranoid, and have been conditioned to keep secrets since childhood, which extends to any other pairing involving either of them. Susan/Marcus? She'll melt, but she'll still keep some things close to her. Zack/Lyta? No way. No matter how well it worked out, in theory, Lyta would keep the extent of her screwed-up-ness to herself. My beloved Talia/Garibaldi OTP? Not a chance.

Unlike Star Trek and Stargate, where emphasis is placed on how much like a family everyone is and how close they are, the characters on B5 are remarkably alone, even when they're working (or sleeping) together.

Now, this didn't sit well with me when I was a teenager and writing B5 fic. My solution was to put Talia and Lyta in a deeply telepathically codependent friendship (after, of course, rescuing Talia from the Psi Corps. I set out to make B5 a real happy-ever-after, which is no small challenge on that show), so that these two exceptionally isolated characters could have someone to share the true depths of angst with regarding all their telepathic alterations/violations and whatnot. (This was before Byron showed up -- Byron/Lyta is the one romantic exception to this problem. I think. It's been a while since I've watched season 5.)

So... on the series itself, the only two sets of people that I think really trusted each other that much are Sinclair and Garibaldi, and then Sheridan and Ivanova. Neither of these are canonically romantic pairings. I'm not sure I really have a point, except that this show is VERY SAD.

****

I'm thinking about Talia/Garibaldi in a slightly more rational and less "omg squeee!" way, now that I'm rewatching this season, and I'm realizing the problems inherent in that relationship. leyenn has been pointing out that she can't get Talia to want him, and I'm starting to see why. Being in a truly loving, committed relationship would mean opening herself up to how deeply erratic and emotional Garibaldi is, which is a lot to ask of a telepath, especially one as... delicate as Talia. Some of the most explosive outbursts we see from him in the first two seasons happen when she is put in danger, so she's well aware of this. (Also, squeee.)

There's something strange about the UST in this pairing. I have no doubt that Michael really, really likes her. She's ridiculously hot, she's kind, and he connects with her in a way that -- he indicates in "Soul Mates" -- he's never really experienced with anyone else. However... she's out of his league, and he knows it. He's incredibly dorky around her in his flirtation, which is adorable, but the real way he shows his affection is in how he protects her. I'm noticing something halfhearted about the way he flirts with her, and how he's surprised (but delighted) when she banters back. I don't think he really expects anything more to come of this beyond her letting him hang around as security guard to be called upon when necessary.

And she... well, in the first season, it's banter, and she shoots him down again and again. But in the second season, as often as not, she is the one moving toward him (inviting him to tea in "Spider in the Web" and coming to see him in "Soul Mates" and, since I'm reaching anyway, I'm going to count her very familiar and inviting "I'll see you later" at the end of The One Where She Scans Him After He Gets Shot In The Back). The thing is, I get the feeling that she's using him.

In rewatching "Soul Mates," I found the one line that really clinched it for me, and that was Matt Stoner: "Tough guy. You've surrounded yourself with tough guys, Talia." That's exactly the feeling I get watching the way Talia flirts with Michael. She likes him and/or wants him because of the strength and protection he offers her, and she manipulates him -- using his obvious affection for her -- into being even more willing to stand between her and the firing squad.

So, on the face of it, this pairing works in an arranged way much more than an omg-love! way. He adores her, and will settle for just being able to protect her and the occasional bit of affection. She likes him, tolerates him, and craves the rather unconditional protection he would offer her in the face of how much her life sucks.

But... they still totally get to be my squeee-inducing OTP, because while that's the foundation of their relationship, there are little flashes of something more. In "Spider in the Web," the tea scene is adorable, and it seems almost like Talia's surprised by how much she genuinely enjoys his company. In "Soul Mates," she comes to his quarters to apologize for being a bitch, but she confesses a lot to him, and it's more than we've seen her confess to anyone else up to that point. (In fact, the very next episode is "A Race Through Dark Places," where she is back to insisting that she looooves Psi Corps instead of fearing it and wanting out. I want to pretend that this is because she does feel safer around him -- at least in the serious ways, although certainly he unsettles her and tries her patience -- but really, I just have no good explanation for this one.) That isn't the first time she confides in him, either, since she lets him see her upset in "Quality of Mercy." She's still smooth and guarded around him... but a bit less so.

And, um, I'm not that sophisticated a 'shipper. I love them because it... well, I was going to say it hits all my kinks, but really, it might have defined most of them to begin with, so that's a bit circular.

He's tough but deeply damaged, to the point where he's convinced he's unredeemable.

She's a damsel in a very bad situation that she can't quite handle alone, yet still bounces back enough to remain collected and self-assured.

She's a telepath. And he isn't. Yes, that part of the kink seems to have been defined by this pairing for me, but I really really like that she has the upper hand in that in this pairing. This opens all kinds of fun doors -- she's the only one who can ever really understand and forgive his damaged-ness, yet she gets to remain mysterious to him.

And... he has the desire to save her from everyone else, and she has the capacity to save him from himself. There's something about how she's so far above him in his eyes (despite her status as a second-class citizen, omg, this IS a romance novel). If she can find something love-able in him, it really will mean that he's all right.

leyenn, I think, (or, hey, maybe it was me) said that she would never really be able to be herself with him because he isn't a telepath... and that's true. In all my slightly-less-fatally-angsty!verse fics where I paired them off, Talia got to run around doing Crazy Telepath Things with Lyta, so that sort of worked out. However... even without that, I don't feel like this is a dealbreaker for a real, wonderful, squeee-inducing relationship. I keep going back to that scene in "Soul Mates" where she barges into his quarters and tells him that she's tired of being a telepath, because that really is the scene for this pairing. There's a big part of her that wants to just close off some of the freaky telepathness and just be normal, and that is the other big part of his appeal to her.

Playing at "normal" won't help her develop as a telepath or as The Future, of course. Garibaldi won't really understand and will be a bit scared anytime she tried to push herself (Susan, for the record, would probably be scared, too -- if more understanding). She'd have to fight him on that, and it wouldn't be easy.

So I'm still squeeeing a lot over here, but I've started to realize the complications. :)

If anyone feels like writing me fic, you know, it wouldn't be unwelcome. ;) I still owe fic for about a billion other things, so I won't actually ask for short fic challenges involving these two, but those also wouldn't go amiss. For all my love of this pairing, it's oddly difficult for me to write.
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