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30 September 2005 @ 01:59 am
today, the letter V  
(My mother is teaching herself Spanish. That is apparently the Spanish meaning of the exclamation "oi vey." I said I would make it the subject of my next post, regardless of content, for reasons I now forget. That's all.)

This is getting-it-off-my-chest whining, FYI. Feel free to skip.

It's frustrating to constantly have to remind my family that I exist differently in the world than they do when I am in a relapse-y phase. My father has a cold this week, and so is all, "Yeah, it's hard to be sick and still work, but I don't have a choice," which makes me think he's getting frustrated with me again. I came up with a Brilliant New Plan (all my plans are Brilliant New Plans, but I have hope that this one might actually work! Maybe!) to increase my productivity with the energy that I have, and my mother, though supportive, was all "You don't have a JOB. How can you possibly have 'all these things to get done'?" I reminded her that brushing my teeth and getting dressed and making myself a plate of food are big things that might not get done if I don't budget my energy properly. I hate having to say that, though, because then I feel like I'm reinforcing my illness by constantly saying "NO, I'M SICK, I CAN'T DO THINGS!" just to keep the expectations from being pushed too high, instead of focusing thought and energy on getting better and the things I can do.

The truth is, I should just keep these New Plans to myself, though I was hoping that bringing it up would mellow out some of the again mounting family frustration that I've been sensing (and I like to show off my organizational ski11z!). My mother asked to be left in the loop this time, but it still manages to make me feel like I should be doing MORE, when I started off the evening being pretty damned proud of even this much. How can anyone really be expected to sympathize -- or cheer when I manage to leave the house twice in one day, omg -- when all they see is that they have to work all day and I don't? (So they are legitimately tired and deserve to do things like watch TV.) It doesn't seem to be possible to get them to really imagine what it feels like. I don't know. I always want to do things, especially these things, by myself... but it's very hard to do them alone.

Hence the ranting on LJ, I suppose.

But my New Plan is sparkly! And if it works long enough to reach a day when I have energy to explain it, I may have to share my new life-organizational ski11z on here. :)

I was all relatively productive today!

5 good things about today:

1. BIG SHINY TUNES NEW PLAN.

2. Hanging out at Chocolate Springs with mystic_isles And Insignificant Other and hearing all about her exciting phone-interview-thing, omg!

3. Really pretty sky unexpectedly hidden between storm clouds.

4. Lots of new Sheppard/Weir fic still to read.

5. iCal is THE BEST PROGRAM EVER OMG, with a million thanks to spockette for tipping me off about the compulsive organizational multicolored goldmine right on my very own computer.


3 things I did well:

1. Did little things off to-do list when I had energy that seemed much less massive after they were done!

2. Went to accupuncturist and then went out again when sister called, yay.

3. Met. A. Deadline. without any flailing or tears, which might actually be a lifetime first. The fact that it is fanfic is so unimportant. I am buying myself a dorky ribbon the next time I'm at Michael's.


2 things I'm looking forward to doing (better) tomorrow:

1. More conscious evaluation of energy as part of SHINY PLAN.

2. Something else off the to-do list before Serenity with real humans!
 
 
feel: crushedcrushed
hear: "who will guard the door" - over the rhine
 
 
 
Ryuu: kate98: ffkoahkarma_aster on September 30th, 2005 09:02 am (UTC)
(snuggles)Um...I will write you fic? Do you want fic?
Little Red: sga - shep getting hot - jr_moonmylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 03:02 am (UTC)
*hugs you, omg*

You are the sweetest ever!! I have been too zonked and out of it to even reply to comments, and so do not deserve fic, but if there is ever fic to be had... I would definitely not say no. ;) (Who says no to fic, really?)

You're really wonderfully sweet to offer, and with that really hot icon, too. :)

*love*
Ryuu: kate98: ffkoahkarma_aster on October 3rd, 2005 08:35 am (UTC)
Pensive General O'Neill is pretty damn hot, innee?
Sam stepped into the living room and stopped short, staring at the scene before her with some suprise and amusement. There sat hardass General Jack O'Neill, her former commanding officer and current occasional live-in lover (when he wasn't mired at his place in D.C. and she wasn't running for her life somewhere off-world), with a beer bottle on the coffee table in front of him, a hockey game that he was currently engrossed in on the television, and a pair of knitting needles in his hands that clacked away as he expertly turned yarn into fabric.

She stared for a few more moments before clearing her throat. Jack looked up and smiled, getting a hand free long enough to gesture at the empty sofa cushion beside him. "C'mere. Game's just getting good."

Certainly not one to turn down a couch-snuggle with Jack, Sam walked over and curled up beside him, snagging his beer and stealing a quick sip. She leaned carefully against his side, smiling as he turned his head for a brief kiss.

"I didn't know you could do that," she commented mildly, waving a hand in the direction of his knitting needles.

"This?" He glanced up as he finshed off another row. "Haven't had a lot of chance to lately, but I noticed your scarf's getting a little threadbare." He held the half-knitted fabric up to her face for a moment, then nodded, satisfied. "Yep. I thought it'd be a good color for you."

Sam blinked. "...you're making me a scarf?"

"Yup." Jack reached over and took a swallow of beer before resuming knitting. Sam watched him work for a few moments, oddly facinated by the steady, soothing movements of the needles and yarn.

"Um...do you think you could teach me how?"

He looked at her for a moment, then grinned. "Sure. After blowing up a sun, this should be pretty easy."

"Well, I had a stargate to help there," she murmured, a tiny smile curving her lips.

Jack chuckled and carefully set his knitting down on the coffee table, then leaned over and kissed her again. "Wait here a moment, okay?"

"Okay."

He got up and returned a few moments later with another pair of needles and a ball of yarn and sat back down beside her. "Okay, first you need to learn how to make a slip-knot..."
Little Red: knitting! - melyannamylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Pensive General O'Neill is pretty damn hot, innee?
OMGEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

*flail with joy!*

Knitting and live-in Sam/Jack and sports on teevee and it is THE BEST THING EVER, OMG!

I must now read it like eighty times whenever gleeee is required!! :)

Thank you!!
Ryuu: penni_ann: Hermiodsnarkkarma_aster on October 3rd, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
Re: Pensive General O'Neill is pretty damn hot, innee?
(grins)Thought you might like it. I'm actually trying to work it into a longer fic, so hopefully there might someday be more.

Dedicated to you, of course.
you're thinking of mr wizard: Borg of Joycleverocity on September 30th, 2005 12:30 pm (UTC)
*draws sparkly hearts around you*
"You don't have a JOB. How can you possibly have 'all these things to get done'?"

That sounds familiar. As does, actually, most of what you just said.

It's frustrating to constantly have to remind my family that I exist differently in the world than they do when I

Yes. Totally exactly indeed. Sometimes I wish I had something more visibly wrong with me. Er, sort of. If you know what I mean.
Little Red: joy of borg - cleverocitymylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
Re: *draws sparkly hearts around you*
Sometimes I wish I had something more visibly wrong with me. Er, sort of. If you know what I mean.

Which I totally and completely do.

I mean, if I was missing an arm or something, people wouldn't go "OMG, why the hell can't you pick up this thing totally requiring two arms!?" *rolls eyes* I just keep reminding myself that I don't get stared at in supermarkets, yay. You know, when I make it to one. ;)

*hugs you* I want you feeling better now!! Let us make demands upon the universe that we all feel better soon!
Julie, betrayer of the literary tradition: coffee - littlekfrusplash_the_cat on September 30th, 2005 01:33 pm (UTC)
There have been occasions, when I've been having a really bad stretch and the husband is just not getting why I can't do X, Y or Z, or how I can be so tired when I've slept most of the day, that I have wished, very hard, that he could live through one of my bad days. And then I feel like a horrible person. But still. Really, reeeeaally wish it.

(On a slightly more entertaining note, my mother is, in her late fifties, developing allergies. She'll be all "OMG, what's happening to me?" And I grin with great evil and say, "Welcome to the last 30 years of my life, Mom.")
Little Red: sga - cute when sick - duckadorkmylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 02:56 am (UTC)
that I have wished, very hard, that he could live through one of my bad days. And then I feel like a horrible person.

I am SO. GLAD. you just said that, because I've also been feeling like a horrible person about this, but I've had the very same wish. It would be so useful to be able to stick other people inside your sensory experience for a while!

However, my father once put the fear of God into me about making hexes on people, so I try not to think that too hard.
señora beaverhausensombras_azules on September 30th, 2005 03:36 pm (UTC)
I wanna know what your new SHINY PLAN is! I loooove plans.

It's frustrating to constantly have to remind my family that I exist differently in the world than they do

The title of my third album. Do you ever get the, "why can't you be enthusiastic about other people?" lecture? Dude, people suck, leave me alone.

::huggles::
Little Red: b5 - lyta touched - ruugermylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 02:54 am (UTC)
YES! I must remember to post THE SHINY PLAN! later this week, or something, if it's still working. I also love plans, in that I love making them! Following through is a much lesser love.

Do you ever get the, "why can't you be enthusiastic about other people?" lecture?

Not often, but only because that's really the last thing to go with me. I've been nagged at lately for why I'm not seeking out my high school friends (now that I'm back in this area), but on the whole I try and maintain a facade of cheerfulness at least enough to keep people off my back about it. *sigh* I'm sorry things are sucky for you, too. :(
Bitch-extraordinaire!: Amanda looks happy!sakuracorr on September 30th, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC)
Is it a good thing that my current OT3 project has somehow made me think, "Maybe there is something to writing this whole Sheppard/Weir thing". Then again it made me think the same thing about McKay/Weir (though to a lesser extent!).

Well either way, Sheppard/Weir dominates the beginning, and that's a small step towards umm... het. Yeah, het.
Little Red: sga - lizzie slightly evil - lilwitchymylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 02:51 am (UTC)
Bwahahahaha. Yay for your brave forages back into the het world!

Though, to be honest, I'm no longer evangelistic about this. *has given up on you in a zen way*

And I totally prefer Sheppard/McKay to McKay/Weir, though it's a little bit of a "death is not an option" thing for me. I know, I know, I'm deprived.
Bitch-extraordinaire!: film!Jennifer Bealssakuracorr on October 3rd, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
Aww, I feel kind of sad about the being given up on. But considering I have made new slash friends, this is probably wise on your part.

I still look back on Alantis!het fondly, as this was where I was "raised" in terms of the fandom.

Though to be fair, am I a slasher if I only accept like one slash pairing? *goes off to puzzle this question out*
Little Red: sga - ronon cup of sex - jainamsolomylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 03:04 am (UTC)
You'd rather I heckled you until you either relented or started filtering your slashy posts? *ponders* Huh. I wonder if that works.

I think you get to be a slasher if slash is either your primary pairing or takes up the majority of your pairings. But that's probably one of those fandom questions that will require a poll.
Bitch-extraordinaire!: Cameron Mitchellsakuracorr on October 3rd, 2005 03:12 am (UTC)
Would it be odd of me to say I'd probably enjoy being heckled? Well if you were going to wait until I started filtering the slashy posts, you'd have to wait for me to be suddenly organized and not lazy (which, btw, my mother has been waiting for for 19 years).

Maybe secretly I want to be talked into writing the het fic. I love venturing outside the OTP, you know, just most of the time I get all weird and start picking people at random. It'd be something like, "Hey, what about Teyla and umm... Zelenka!" (and no, no, no, I wouldn't do that, it was just the most random example I could think of). I'm just not comfortable enough with the fandom to do it yet.

Which, mostly why I shy away from writing anything for the Atlantis fandom, at this point, is I missed a bit of the first season, and I am a canon whore, and I hate being called out on canon facts (which I worry obsessively will happen)!
רותם שחר (Ro): beliefroothekittykat on September 30th, 2005 05:28 pm (UTC)
*snuggles you and your shiny new plans*
elliejane: Me?Nahh!elliejane on September 30th, 2005 10:17 pm (UTC)
I missread that as "shiny new pants.

Which somehow made just as much sense. Hee.
רותם שחר (Ro)roothekittykat on September 30th, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC)
LoL, shiny things are spiffy! plans, pants, or otherwise:)
elliejane: duckyelliejane on September 30th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
Huggles and displays Ducky icon to promote gleeful feelings.
Little Red: joy of borg - cleverocitymylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 02:48 am (UTC)
OMG Ducky yay!!!! I somehow missed this comment earlier, but am now gleeefully promoted. :)
geekgirl76geekgirl76 on October 3rd, 2005 02:40 am (UTC)
Wow, and I thought my family was bad for not "getting it". Hang in there.
Little Red: sga - cute when sick - duckadorkmylittleredgirl on October 3rd, 2005 02:47 am (UTC)
Yikes! I thought I had friends-locked this, as I usually try not to subject random passers-by to all of my carrying on and bitching. ;) But thank you for the thought! My family is actually quite wonderful and supportive -- they're letting me stay at home rent-free while I'm too sick to work, even though I'm 23 -- but sometimes it gets to them.

*snuggles* Hopefully your family will get better at it, too!