That was the gleee. This is the reality. I don't know if I can handle it (and if I can't, I won't come). My parents think I can't, and they have good reasons for thinking so, and when, like today, I can't eat anything and get overwhelmed by having more than one yahoo window open at a time, I also don't know that I can hack it. I've been fairly sensory-deprived, and even thinking of the TV being on all the time feels exhausting, let alone the idea that if I'm there I will want to go to meeting, go to the house, see people... (hell, *getting showered and dressed* has been a major accomplishment I haven't managed every day, so you can imagine what the prospect of driving to Providence, putting sheets on my bed, shopping for groceries and *cooking my own food* feels like).
I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, though, and while my father can drive me both ways before he has to go to work, when I'm not actively feeling exhausted, I *want* to dip my toe back into the real world to remember that it's still there. I can't stay too long, because I have other doctor's appointments in my parents' neck of the woods, but it would be nice, for a few days, to feel like a grown up person again.
So I might be home for a few days soon, but I make no promises about being any fun. I really do look fine and can seem like I have normal energy from the outside, but the more energy I put out the harder I crash when I do crash and the more I, apparently, screw stuff up for myself in the long run. And I've been down the road before, for the past two years, of thinking "hey, I'm fine!" only to... well, end up not fine. I *am* getting better. It's just taking an annoyingly long time, and right now I need to be *especially* careful not to jump the gun. Know that I love you and that I *want* to see you and that maybe *maybe* I will be able to! Let me know if you have the time and desire to see me sometime in the days around this weekend... and maybe we can do something lowkey :)
In other FREAKING AMAZING news, I had my exit interview with the Brown Loan Office today over the phone, and I owe *substantially* less money than I thought I did, and that the grace period I thought had been eaten up by my *last* medical leave is still intact. This is a good thing. A very good thing. It's nice to know that I have the time to deal with getting myself completely well before I have to deal with money stuff. It does my little Cancerian heart good.
-- Little Red, who is feeling strangely ungleeeful for all the gleee that is afoot, but is sure there is something medically annoying she can blame :)