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21 December 2005 @ 09:27 am
*flailing distress*  
I caused a car accident last night. No one was hurt, but I scratched and crunched a bit someone else's car and totally ruined her week all because I was too sick to drive and drove anyway. I changed into a turning lane at an intersection, her car was in my blind spot, and I was feeling dizzy and sick and I'd already gotten lost about twice in streets I'm actually familiar with because of the dizzy and sick and I didn't see her car.

I've never been in a car accident before (I've never even gotten a speeding ticket before, hence having had "I am a good driver!" on my list of reasons to like myself). The policeman was the nicest person ever and stopped the woman from yelling at me and only fined me for an "unsafe lane change" rather than, like, "being a human reject" or something (apparently one must actually go to court for traffic violations in Oregon, though, so that'll be another new experience come January).

I managed to sleep for a few hours and feel slightly less like I Do Not Deserve To Live For I Have Screwed Up, though I still wouldn't blame an errant lightning bolt/monster truck/rampaging ocelot for striking me down. The woman whose car I sideswiped called me this morning to apologize for yelling at me at the scene (apparently she had recently been the victim of another car accident, so I am part of a larger curse) and then yelled at me some more.

Anyway, my dad is all insisting that I get out and drive, omg, because I will otherwise be Scared Of The Roads, but I am all "I am scared of the roads!" There are MILLIONS OF CARS out there, omg! I don't like city driving in the dark and the rain and the whatnot, kthanx, and I am missing a front turning blinker until insurance things happen. Unfortunately, because I am a moron, I decided that I could move across the damned country and live on my own in the hopes that it would make me un-sick, and so even though I got sick anyway after burning the candle for a month, I'm kind of stuck taking care of myself. I know, I know, Oh Poor Me. I just really hope that nothing bad happens to anyone else because I thought I could handle this, though. My being sick (and stupid above that, since I can't really help the sickness) has never impacted strangers (at least, no comment on family) this badly before.

As far as cosmic news goes, before the crash, I had pulled over because I was lost and feeling sick and so wanted to reorient myself and wait till I felt less awful, and was all distressed because of feeling sick and general self-hatred and had been thinking about Dark Evil Things like how I wanted to starve myself to get back in control of something and how hard it is to keep from injuring or killing myself when my body starts to slide downhill and my brain goes with it, and then the crash happened. The non-cosmic lesson here is to not leave the house when I'm feeling sick and to fucking pay attention to the world. The cosmic lesson is something about negative energy bringing on negative things. Maybe this can be a wake-up call, although I'm not sure that I'm cosmically entitled to get anything good from bringing something bad on someone else, you know? I might go hide in a theory of a predestined universe for a while.

Oh! Oh! And after being woken up with the yelling (about which I have no right to bitch, as I should have thought of that before I hit someone else's car), I go to the intarweb to learn that JOHNNY DAMON IS A YANKEE NOW. Noooooooooo!!

The good news is that my dad apparently has enough points on his credit card to get me a free plane ticket to come home for Christmas! However, he said that I can also cash in the points and take the $300 instead to put towards this unexpected expense, and I think he would find that the Responsible Thing for me to do, so I'm not sure this is actually as good of news as I thought it was (I mean, I'm not looking free money in the mouth here, but I'm now not sure if I'm a total baby for wanting to go home especially even after I screwed up and stuff). My family doesn't care nearly as much about Christmas as I do -- they haven't even put up the tree in my absence -- so they were okay with me not going home before, though they find it cute that I care so much. *shrugs*

What should I do?

Go home for Christmas!
16(53.3%)
Stay in Oregon, because you don't deserve to get what you want after causing damage to someone else's property.
0(0.0%)
Stay in Oregon, because money will be helpful, and make the job search less urgent after this.
8(26.7%)
Stay in Oregon, because there's always the outside chance that Nike will spontaneously beg you to work there in the week before New Year's!
0(0.0%)
Go home, because you must be in Massachusetts to properly mourn the passing of your beloved Red Sox.
1(3.3%)
Death is always an option.
0(0.0%)
Other - to be explained in comments.
2(6.7%)
omg, a poll!!1!
3(10.0%)


P.S. Ah, dammit. I just got so dizzy that I fell out of my chair just sitting here. I'd freak out about OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEE? but I suspect that having CFIDS and not being able to sleep is enough of an explanation. *WHINE! WHINE!*

P.P.S. Requisite gleee: I got presents in the mail from roothekittycat! I have not yet opened, for are wrapped, but yay shiny wrapped things!

P.S.S. Yes, the Fanfic For Whining clause still applies for this journal. ;) I will pay up later.
 
 
feel: distresseddistressed
 
 
 
Fallon Ashfallon_ash on December 21st, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
Because I could never move across the country far away from my family. *shudder* I find contemplating moving across town scary... But uhm, *doesn't wanna influence, because, well, I don't know what it's like to have to earn my livings just yet*.

*HUGS - of the unconditionally friendly kind*
Little Red: trek - naomi wildman - jen717mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:03 am (UTC)
OMG I KNOW. It is most skeery! I guess it's an Important Thing for me to do, and being at home was making it difficult to get out of my rut. Alas! And now I am all "MOMMY! DADDY!" and they are all mocking me for missing them, but in a very cute way.

*hugs you madly*
KarenDreamerLady: Other Tattoo Pickarendreamer on December 21st, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC)
Oh Red, please don't consider yourself in a bad way because of this. Life happens, really, that isn't just a throw away phrase. I rear ended someone in commute traffic one day, causing that car to hit the car in front of it and causing a huge traffic jam. I was going through a divorce and just let my mind drift away. The car I hit was responsible for the damage to the car in front of it. The people I hit tried to sue me. DO NOT PANIC IF THIS HAPPENS. I was barely making my bills and I had no money or anything to take, so I never responded and it just went away.

I voted "other option," but I really meant that you should stay in Oregon. This is really just my thoughts,the reason is that you are very vulnerable right now, and I'm afraid that if you go home it will be harder to leave to go back to Oregon.

I know you have lots of friends, but I'm going to email you my phone number. If you need to talk to someone just call me, and I'll call you back to save your money. You are working so hard to make a life for yourself. I'm really proud of your courage.

Hugs, good thoughts and prayers......
Little Red: LC - sanctuary - alexia88mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:07 am (UTC)
*hugs you so so much*

It is really, really good to hear that people that I love and respect have done similar things, and yet I am so sorry that had to happen to you!!

I voted "other option," but I really meant that you should stay in Oregon. This is really just my thoughts,the reason is that you are very vulnerable right now, and I'm afraid that if you go home it will be harder to leave to go back to Oregon.

I actually thought about that, and almost made it an option. Thing is -- there's no way I'm NOT coming back to Oregon, as I am dug in here a bit now, but I agree that it will be very hard to leave my parents' house after this. Part of it is just that I'm a little on overwhelm from so many new things happening, so it'd be nice to have something familiar. I'll talk to my parents about it in a few hours and hammer it out, because I really can't decide. I think I'll feel bad about either choice at this point, so I just have to decide which I'll ultimately feel better about!

Thank you so much for this comment. You've made me feel so much better and so much more human again. I really appreciate it. *love*
A wild and untamed thing: Lupinrebeccasama on December 21st, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC)
Hey, you're from Mass? I'm from Mass! Where are you from? *G* I think you should go home for Christmas...Christmas alone might just make you feel worse.

*hugs* About the accident, I know how you feel. I was a stellar driver right up until a bad lane change some months back. I thought I deserved to be shot. I don't think I've ever felt so bad about anything in my life. That, and it scared the HELL out of me. But, believe me, it does get better (and there are very few people who have not yet been in an accident of their own making at some point in their lives).

It's such a pisser about Damon...but $52 million dolloars...I can see why he said yes. :( (At least the Pats are doing well.)
A wild and untamed thingrebeccasama on December 21st, 2005 07:20 pm (UTC)
*slaps self* DOLLARS even.
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
Rose Wilde-Irishrosewildeirish on December 21st, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
As far as cosmic news goes, before the crash, I had pulled over because I was lost and feeling sick and so wanted to reorient myself and wait till I felt less awful, and was all distressed because of feeling sick and general self-hatred and had been thinking about Dark Evil Things like how I wanted to starve myself to get back in control of something and how hard it is to keep from injuring or killing myself when my body starts to slide downhill and my brain goes with it, and then the crash happened. The non-cosmic lesson here is to not leave the house when I'm feeling sick and to fucking pay attention to the world. The cosmic lesson is something about negative energy bringing on negative things. Maybe this can be a wake-up call, although I'm not sure that I'm cosmically entitled to get anything good from bringing something bad on someone else, you know? I might go hide in a theory of a predestined universe for a while.

a) Starving yourself is not an answer, zomg. You're sick, and when you're sick you need energy, and you can't get energy if you're starving yourself. Control isn't found that way, hon. *hugs*

b) Each day is a new one, with a clean slate. You're not hiding from the responsibility of the accident and that's to be commended. Take each day as it comes; good stuff isn't an 'entitlement', it's either luck or the result of your overall person.

IOW, you are a good person and all you need is to remember to take things one at a time. *hugs more*
Rose Wilde-Irishrosewildeirish on December 21st, 2005 07:31 pm (UTC)
also *snugs* Glad you're OK!!
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
Pooh: SGA - Sparky hug (by fifmeister)mspooh on December 21st, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)
*SNUGGLES*

I'm not exactly the most responsible adult ever, since I'm still rebelling from adulthood, but... Sure, staying in Oregon for the holidays and putting the money toward the accident would be a Responsible Thing to do, but remember, it was just an accident. They happen all the time and for no good reason other than someone makes a boo-boo. That's why it's called an accident. We're all human, aren't we? Don't beat yourself up over it. Learn from it and move on. Now if you were considering vehicular manslaughter... I've got nothing. I say go home. It sounds like you need it, and I'm all about taking care of your health first.

If it helps... my second and last accident (*knocks on wood and all that jazz*) was technically an unsafe lane change. An ambulance came out of nowhere and I automatically changed lanes without thinking and without really looking first and there was a guy in my blind spot. But it could have been worse. It could have been like my first accident. Awake for 24+ hours, took a 2 hour nap, dropped off a friend at the airport. On the way back, while driving her car, had my drink tip over and while I went to reach for it... while making a turn, omg... accidentally stepped on the gas instead of the brakes, and plowed into one of those glass-enclosed bus stops -- empty, thank god. The cops on the scene made fun of me, and then one of them tried to make me feel better by telling me how he ran into a stop sign outside of his house. Then the judge at court made fun of me. And laughed. Bastard. :p

You have no idea how much I want to go to Oregon right now and mother you. And it would have absolutely nothing to do with how much I don't want to be home for the holidays. Except it does. lol
Little Red: LC - sanctuary - alexia88mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:27 am (UTC)
No, no vehicular manslaughter!! If I ever do plan nefarious evilness, I promise it will be much more... nefarious. ;)

Stupid accidents! *kick* I curse the inability to be perfect!!

OMG. I can't believe the judge made fun of you!! I suppose that is better than yelling at you or something. I kept thanking my police officer over and over for not yelling at me. I am very lucky he didn't test me for drugs or something and only suggested that I find a paper bag to breathe into. ;)

Come to Oregon!!! That would be the BEST of all possible solutions. ;) Anyway, we will mail you random baked goods through the year once we find cute boxes to mail things in (they are ELUDING us currently -- clearly no one sends cookies through the mail anymore) and then it will almost be like you're here. Gah.

I have no idea what to do about going home, and I only have a few hours to decide. I should probably suck it up and stay, not just for the money, but also so that I get to break the habit of running home every time the going gets tough. Or something. This whole bit about adulthood 'building character'? Kind of sucks. ;)
(no subject) - mspooh on December 22nd, 2005 12:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
MegTDJ: George Thumbmeg_tdj on December 21st, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC)
Meep! *huggles*

But dude... dizzy + driving don't mix. *wags finger*
Little Red: sga - lizzie fade away - kaesariamylittleredgirl on December 21st, 2005 08:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, I totally know!! The problem was that I was already away from home when I started to feel really sick, and I don't know enough people who can drive here yet to be all "come rescue me!!" I should have stopped and taken a taxi or something but I really didn't realize how bad it was until... blah. Arg. *sigh*
Sarah (aka Smish): Atlantis - Shep/Weir One Daysmishpixie on December 21st, 2005 07:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs muchly*

I once thought I was going to cause an accident because I felt so icky... I had to pull into a lay-by at the side of the road and get some fresh air before carrying on, and luckily didn't meet any more traffic the whole of the way home.

And with some of the nutcases I see driving around and willingly speeding/being idiots, I'd say this was a minor incident and you shouldn't worry about it. A friend at work knows someone who hit a pedestrian because they were "being silly and pretedning to run them over"! Fools!

And I voted for Go home for Christmas! Just because it's what I've done... so I guess it's down to what you want to do... But i'm always home for christmas...

*stops randomly rambling in you LJ and skips off*

*hugs more first*
Little Red: LC - sanctuary - alexia88mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:30 am (UTC)
Awww, honey. *snuggles you* I'm very glad that you were safe.

A friend at work knows someone who hit a pedestrian because they were "being silly and pretedning to run them over"! Fools!

... OMG. Okay, that is just stupid. I can't even imagine what the judge must have said!

I have always been home for Christmas before this. :) But if I don't go, it will just make next year more special. So... yes. I CAN'T DECIDE, WAAAH!

*skips off too*

*love*
(no subject) - smishpixie on December 22nd, 2005 07:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
I'm not very interestingastropoet on December 21st, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
*cuddles*

Having an accident is pishy I know I've had two. The first was when I plowed into the back of a mercedes and crunched it's boot (I can't remember what those things are called in American) (Renault Clio versus Mercedes = Clio won). Then I got my bright shiny new Toyota Yaris, took it to a singing lesson where I wrapped it round a bush. (Toyota Yaris versus bush=bush won). I'd had it THREE weeks, and drive it 563 miles. The insurance people were laughing their ass off...

You'll feel bad for a wee while and shocked, because it's horrible having an accident, but read all the others' car exploits and you'll feel better, because you are human and we all have accidents.

Thank goodness you're allright.

I can't answer your question about going home... its your call sweetie! Just remember that you've been through a lot recently and take it easy on yourself.

Little Red: LC - sanctuary - alexia88mylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
Eeeeeek!! *fears for your accidents* Boots are called Trunks in the US.

I've never even heard of a Toyota Yaris. I must look this up.

I put magic driving safety shield over your current car to protect you. *whooshes*

Reading everyone else's car exploits really ARE making me feel much better, because these are people I love and respect and therefore I feel better about myself and stuff too. Thank you!

I have no idea what to do about going home!! I will think hard in the next few hours, and I wish I had brought my magic 8 ball.
(no subject) - astropoet on December 22nd, 2005 01:37 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Abusus non tollit usumlavidaessueno on December 21st, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about the dizziness - I have managed to fall out of bed because I was so dizzy, which I think deserves some sort of commendation. Today I'm in what I call Ozzy Osbourne mode - I'm dizzy and nauseous, so I kind of lurch and shuffle from place to place rather than walking.

If you're feeling up to it, I'd go home for Christmas. You've already overextended yourself for a bit, so it might be nice to go home and recharge before heading back to Fort Awesome. The main consideration is whether being where you are now, alone, is going to make you feel worse over the short and long terms.

*hugs you*
Little Red: oh peanut - josephidesmylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:37 am (UTC)
OMG. You totally win with falling out of bed. I was so surprised this morning -- I don't think I've ever fallen off of a chair before (though I have slid to the floor on purpose, but that's no actually as impressive as losing sight of one's center of gravity enough to topple sideways!).

I really can't decide what to do about going home, so I will think about it. I really do want to go, and yet, I don't know if it will recharge me or derail me. Arg! Where is a magic 8 ball when I need one?
dark_cygnetdark_cygnet on December 21st, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
It's a novel, sorry...
First off, i'm glad and thankful you and the lady weren't seriously hurt. Red, honey, even the best drivers get into accidents, and like you said, you now know not to drive when feeling sick and dizzy. My opinion on what you are going through is this. omg, i'm old so i've been there and shall now bore you with what i think

1. Yes, get out and drive but only after you are feeling better. you may not totally get rid of the nervousness of big city driving, but the more you do it, the better it's going to get and be.

2. You are right, negative energy does no good and only brings more into your life. Starving IS NOT the way to have control and will do nothing but make you more ill. You've accepted responsibility for the accident and are making amends. That's taking control of something, don't you think? You've taken control of your life by moving and starting over somewhere else. So see, you are controlling something.

With you're being ill, you've gone through a pretty big change in the last month. You've had a long road trip, you moved all your worldly goods, bought mice and have had loads of fun with your friend doing dvd marathons and such. Thats alot for a body to go through. Perhaps your body is reacting to that and you will feel better once things have settled down and a routine is established.

3. My condolences on Johnny Damon.

4. Going home for Christmas. Sweetheart, if it makes you feel better to go home, then go home. Even if your family doesn't go all whack on the holiday, you do what is going to help you out. Just seriously think about the long term picture though. Is the trip going to be worth it? And will it keep you from coming back to Oregon? You've had such a great start. But in the end,it is up to you on what you do. Don't worry, i think you will do just fine.
Little Red: sox - varitek it's okay - juniper_shademylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
Re: It's a novel, sorry...
Awww, thank you so much for your novel!! You are so incredibly sweet.

like you said, you now know not to drive when feeling sick and dizzy.

Yeah. A very important lesson, and one I thought I'd learned already, but apparently not enough. ;) Moving to a new place gave me an overabundance of confidence, it seems. However, I just wish I could have learned this lesson by hitting something *inanimate* rather than involving someone else and buggering up their holidays.

Yes, get out and drive but only after you are feeling better.

Yeah, I'm taking the day off. Sadly, this means I lose out on getting a desk for myself, but I'm not about to risk going out while dizzy again!

You are right, negative energy does no good and only brings more into your life.

It was definitely a rather dramatic indication of that. I don't quite know how to shake all these residual issues cluttering up my brain, unfortunately, but I guess maybe shaking it is impossible. One day at a time. *buckles down* Thanks for the encouragement, though. That's a good way of looking at it.

I will definitely come back to Oregon no matter what I do, because I have obligations here, but it's a good point about how it might be harder to step back into it if I left it on such a down note! So, arg. I will keep thinking about it for the next hour or two... aiiieee.
thekatebeyond on December 21st, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC)
Some times we only gain perspective on the bad things once we've had enough of the bad things happen to us. So in that sense, it's a good thing that you're blowing this out of proportion. You've had fewer instances of this particular bad thing than most people.

This was your first, but chances are it will not be your last, minor accident. No one drives any length of time without causing a few, and you had darn better reasons than most. You got sick while you were out of the house, and after trying to get yourself together, you thought you could get back home. Well, that's a perfectly reasonable course of action, and people (myself included) have cause accidents for many a stupider reason! I once caused a fender-bender because I was busy lecturing my child about the need to wear his seat belt. It happens, don't be hard on yourself for it.

I mean, really! I can't walk around a crowded mall for an hour without accidentlly jostling someone. It's amazing we don't bump into other cars more often!

Are you taking anivert or something for the dizzyness? 'Cause that sucks to live with.

*giant loving hugs*
Little Red: sga - teyla over - jr_moonmylittleredgirl on December 21st, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
I'm not taking anything for the dizziness. I didn't know there was anything you COULD take! It came up on me suddenly -- I've been without that symptom for a while, and it usually only comes on when I have a fever and with plenty of warning, so I was pretty surprised. It's definitely not something I live with all the time, thank God. Thanks for the advice on the drug, though! I will look it up.

You're so nice! *cuddles* And yes, I am very very lucky that this has never happened to me before, and am VERY grateful that no one was hurt and also that there were no kids in either car to get freaked out by it. (Though in your case, I can imagine that your child is very good about seat belts now!)

No kidding about the crowded malls! I have decided that the holiday rush is just SCARY in populated areas!
(no subject) - lavidaessueno on December 22nd, 2005 01:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thekatebeyond on December 22nd, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: oregon trailmylittleredgirl on December 21st, 2005 10:18 pm (UTC)
Ah, but since I have discovered The Magical Thing that is dramamine, planes no longer make me hide under things! It is delightful. :) Though, yeah, a whole day of traveling on Christmas Eve might be a bit of a headache, eep. A good point.

*loves you*
רותם שחר (Ro): hugsroothekittykat on December 21st, 2005 10:25 pm (UTC)
'stuff happens' as Ford told Jinto.

I'm really glad that no one was hurt!

in the poll, I voted for staying in Oregon because of the money, but that was my logical answer, and while I think it's the best advice monitarily, I don't know if it's really the 'right' thing to do imo, which is why I almost voted for go home for christmas! cause, I imagine that going home would make you much happier than staying there for Christmas, and I think that happiness is more important than the $300 the plane ticket is worth.

*bigmanyhugehugs*
*doesn't hate you*
*doesn't think you're a bad and eeeevil person*

YEY! YOU GOT IT!!
did you get the card too?? cause I sent them seperately. LoL :)
Little Red: sga - teyla over - jr_moonmylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 01:12 am (UTC)
YES! I just got the card today!! GLEEEE! :) It is so LOVELY! Like an envelope of GLEEE! You are so delightfully sparkly.

Gah. I really don't know what to do about going home or not!! Oh well. Maybe my parents will decide for me.
(no subject) - roothekittykat on December 22nd, 2005 01:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
Allie O'N: besidealliesings on December 21st, 2005 11:50 pm (UTC)
(((HUGGLES)))

I just realized that I don't have your new address. If I had actually addressed any Christmas cards, I would have only had your old one.

I don't know what to say, hon. I have rarely given up a free trip to go home at Christmas or any time of the year, really. On the other hand, you've just put down roots, and the money will come in handy. You need to take care of yourself. Flying all day around a holiday is not fun; it is exhausting.

I've come across James 1:5 three times in the last 10 days. It says that if you need wisdom, all you need to do is ask the Lord. Whatever you decide, remember that it isn't what you do or how you do it that makes you someone you should like. You are someone that lots of people love.
Little Red: sga - lizzie fade away - kaesariamylittleredgirl on December 22nd, 2005 04:36 am (UTC)
Awwww, thank you. *hugs you* I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I will know by the end of tonight, probably, though, so my dad can actually buy the ticket with the points...

My Bible is in the other room where my roommate is sleeping, so I'll have to look up the exact passage later, but I really like the sentiment. I have to believe that God cares more about why you do things than what actually ends up happening.

You rock lots. Thank you. Reading this comment actually made me look up local churches, and I found three (three! cities are amazing) that sound like good places to explore. I feel much better about everything now that I've done that and have places to go for Christmas Eve and Christmas if I don't get to go home. :) (Your faith is such a wonderful thing for me to be around. Some of my friends and family tend to be 'mixed on the side of mockery or fear' when it comes to faith, so seeing people who get real joy and hope and love from the church make me feel much more comfortable with it. Thank you!)

*love*
ornithoptercatornithoptercat on December 22nd, 2005 12:08 am (UTC)
Relax! It's ok! I've at-least-partically-caused a car accident once too and it wasn't even because I was sick, so you are Not A Bad Person! And I think you should stay in Oregon and have your First Christmas At Fort Awesome, as travelling when you are sick is never good, especially around the holidays. And, yes, needing the money. Car repairs are not that cheap, and since you have a light out you have to get it done, and you will be paying your deductible. I don't know about the traffic court thingy, but my insurance people were really really nice, so do not panic about that. They didn't even raise my rates! And I DID have a speeding ticket already.

Do get back on the road, but not until you are feeling better. And not at night until you get your headlight fixed.

As for dizziness: while it may be the beingsick, I strongly suggest drinking a glass of water and eating something. Or just drinking a glass of juice. Dehydration and low blood sugar are both really good at causing teh dizzies. Also the way you are typing sounds like you might be hyperventilating, so deep breaths! That should help too.

And alliesings just reminded me that I should totally send you a Christmas card (I have them, I just haven't *sent* them yet), and don't have your address.