Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red

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*flailing distress*

I caused a car accident last night. No one was hurt, but I scratched and crunched a bit someone else's car and totally ruined her week all because I was too sick to drive and drove anyway. I changed into a turning lane at an intersection, her car was in my blind spot, and I was feeling dizzy and sick and I'd already gotten lost about twice in streets I'm actually familiar with because of the dizzy and sick and I didn't see her car.

I've never been in a car accident before (I've never even gotten a speeding ticket before, hence having had "I am a good driver!" on my list of reasons to like myself). The policeman was the nicest person ever and stopped the woman from yelling at me and only fined me for an "unsafe lane change" rather than, like, "being a human reject" or something (apparently one must actually go to court for traffic violations in Oregon, though, so that'll be another new experience come January).

I managed to sleep for a few hours and feel slightly less like I Do Not Deserve To Live For I Have Screwed Up, though I still wouldn't blame an errant lightning bolt/monster truck/rampaging ocelot for striking me down. The woman whose car I sideswiped called me this morning to apologize for yelling at me at the scene (apparently she had recently been the victim of another car accident, so I am part of a larger curse) and then yelled at me some more.

Anyway, my dad is all insisting that I get out and drive, omg, because I will otherwise be Scared Of The Roads, but I am all "I am scared of the roads!" There are MILLIONS OF CARS out there, omg! I don't like city driving in the dark and the rain and the whatnot, kthanx, and I am missing a front turning blinker until insurance things happen. Unfortunately, because I am a moron, I decided that I could move across the damned country and live on my own in the hopes that it would make me un-sick, and so even though I got sick anyway after burning the candle for a month, I'm kind of stuck taking care of myself. I know, I know, Oh Poor Me. I just really hope that nothing bad happens to anyone else because I thought I could handle this, though. My being sick (and stupid above that, since I can't really help the sickness) has never impacted strangers (at least, no comment on family) this badly before.

As far as cosmic news goes, before the crash, I had pulled over because I was lost and feeling sick and so wanted to reorient myself and wait till I felt less awful, and was all distressed because of feeling sick and general self-hatred and had been thinking about Dark Evil Things like how I wanted to starve myself to get back in control of something and how hard it is to keep from injuring or killing myself when my body starts to slide downhill and my brain goes with it, and then the crash happened. The non-cosmic lesson here is to not leave the house when I'm feeling sick and to fucking pay attention to the world. The cosmic lesson is something about negative energy bringing on negative things. Maybe this can be a wake-up call, although I'm not sure that I'm cosmically entitled to get anything good from bringing something bad on someone else, you know? I might go hide in a theory of a predestined universe for a while.

Oh! Oh! And after being woken up with the yelling (about which I have no right to bitch, as I should have thought of that before I hit someone else's car), I go to the intarweb to learn that JOHNNY DAMON IS A YANKEE NOW. Noooooooooo!!

The good news is that my dad apparently has enough points on his credit card to get me a free plane ticket to come home for Christmas! However, he said that I can also cash in the points and take the $300 instead to put towards this unexpected expense, and I think he would find that the Responsible Thing for me to do, so I'm not sure this is actually as good of news as I thought it was (I mean, I'm not looking free money in the mouth here, but I'm now not sure if I'm a total baby for wanting to go home especially even after I screwed up and stuff). My family doesn't care nearly as much about Christmas as I do -- they haven't even put up the tree in my absence -- so they were okay with me not going home before, though they find it cute that I care so much. *shrugs*

What should I do?

Go home for Christmas!
Stay in Oregon, because you don't deserve to get what you want after causing damage to someone else's property.
Stay in Oregon, because money will be helpful, and make the job search less urgent after this.
Stay in Oregon, because there's always the outside chance that Nike will spontaneously beg you to work there in the week before New Year's!
Go home, because you must be in Massachusetts to properly mourn the passing of your beloved Red Sox.
Death is always an option.
Other - to be explained in comments.
omg, a poll!!1!

P.S. Ah, dammit. I just got so dizzy that I fell out of my chair just sitting here. I'd freak out about OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEE? but I suspect that having CFIDS and not being able to sleep is enough of an explanation. *WHINE! WHINE!*

P.P.S. Requisite gleee: I got presents in the mail from roothekittycat! I have not yet opened, for are wrapped, but yay shiny wrapped things!

P.S.S. Yes, the Fanfic For Whining clause still applies for this journal. ;) I will pay up later.

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