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07 March 2007 @ 11:26 pm
for aj -- voyager ficlet, of a sort.  
Okay, this is complete and utter space crack. Here, allow me to get you up to speed with the following Cliffs Notes version.

Little Red: "OMG Voyager used to be SO HAPPY and then it gets all CRAZY-PANTS AND ANGSTY and altogether WTF!"
A.j.: "There should totally be an A.U. where Chakotay and the Doctor lock Janeway up for being crazy so she can get sane-"
A.j.: "... right! And Kathy fixes Engineering things sometimes and bonds with B'Elanna!"
Little Red: "OMG YAY."

This isn't quite that A.U., but that's where the this does not actually need to suck for everyone! idea came from. Oh, and aj wanted discussion of romance novels.


Five years ago, B'Elanna Torres would absolutely, definitely, completely never have thought that she would ever be discussing romance novels with Captain Janeway.

Actually, five years ago, she hardly ever discussed anything with the captain if it didn't involve the Warp core, or something important that was broken, or the word diagnostic. Janeway existed in a world of authority figures and chains of command and those Starfleet protocols that B'Elanna was always tripping over, and it took five years and a rather brazen suggestion of Chakotay's to change all that.

B'Elanna wasn't present for the closed-door discussion, but rumor has it that Chakotay said something along the lines of "hand over your ship to me two months a year," and Tuvok praised the possibility of a more democratic system for their lifelong journey home as opposed to a strict military heirarchy and the Doctor said... something about something... and Janeway -- according to rumor -- agreed.

No mutiny, no phasers, just, "Let me think about it," and three days later, a ship-wide announcement and Janeway turning up in Engineering with a toolkit and calling it a vacation.

She has been recalibrating power relays for almost eight hours, but she's smiling and was laughing with Seven of Nine (well, the Captain was laughing, anyway), and she certainly seems like she's on vacation, power relays or otherwise.

B'Elanna's still not entirely convinced that this isn't some kind of practical joke on her. Even after five years, the captain has the ability to make her... nervous, in a way no one else on the ship can. Having her in Engineering looking over her shoulder all day isn't B'Elanna's idea of a vacation at all, and she's gone from being frustrated to stressed out to just plain ornery. And yet, she has to keep her temper in check because, well, the captain is there, even if she's pretending not to be the captain for some reason that, surely, only Chakotay could think of.

In all fairness, Janeway has been stuck under terminals and inside Jeffries' tubes most of the day, seeming to be making a conscious effort not to micro-manage anyone, but B'Elanna's still not ready to let her guard down.

Something beeps on the console Janeway's working at, and there's a bit of coolant steam.

B'Elanna goes and hovers over her shoulder.

"I've got it, Lieutenant..." Janeway says, grasps above her head for a hyperspanner, and the steam and beeping stop. "There. Good as new."


Janeway smiles up at her from under the diagnostic terminal. There's a smudge of something on her cheek and her hair is flying a little wilder than usual with all the electrically charged power relays she's been around. She looks so relaxed that she almost seems like an entirely different person.

B'Elanna doesn't mean to think it, because it's got to be wrong to wonder that about her captain, but the pleased, calm look on Janeway's face makes her wonder just what other brazen suggestions of Chakotay's she might have taken under advisement lately.

B'Elanna blushes at the thought -- she can't help it, and is fortunately blessed with a half-Klingon complexion that does a good job hiding it -- and busies herself examining the closest workstation. Environmental control, apparently. Whichever.

Janeway says, "If I'd known you were keeping all the fun to yourselves down here, I would have let Chakotay borrow my chair years ago."

B'Elanna isn't sure if she's supposed to laugh or not. She thinks this is probably the captain's way of trying to put her at ease with the situation. "Well, feel free to recalibrate power relays any time you like," she answers diplomatically.

Janeway shoots her a raised eyebrow and a smirk, like she can tell B'Elanna's squirming. She probably can tell. Janeway has always been eerily good at that, and usually -- when she's not on vacation, that is -- she tries to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

On vacation, apparently, she instead chooses to egg her on:

"Tom suggested I ask you for some reccomended reading while I'm banned from the bridge... something about... Klingon romance novels?"

Item one: B'Elanna's pretty sure Janeway isn't exactly banned from the bridge.

Item two: The fact that Janeway would say that, even in jest, means that she's either not totally okay with it or not totally used to it, and B'Elanna should try to be sympathetic.

Item three: She's going to kill Tom Paris. Kill him. If she doesn't sink through the floor and die first.

"He said what?" Her voice actually breaks with anger, and -- insult to injury -- sounds a lot more like an indignant squeak than a burst of Klingon fury. "On the bridge he said this to you!?"

She's never going to hear the end of it from Harry Kim. Or Tuvok, for God's sake, with his looks and superior Vulcan commentary. Or Chakotay, and she's still busy never hearing the end of it from the last ten embarrassing things that man found out about her.

Janeway watches her little fit with open amusement. "There's nothing shameful about a little escapist reading, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna narrows her eyes, willing her to stop this line of inquiry, biting her tongue to keep back any unintended threats. Janeway looks undaunted. She's eerily good at that, too.

"I've never read a Klingon romance novel, though. Are they at all comparable to Terran novels?"

B'Elanna darts a few glances around Engineering to see who's within earshot, and whose bodies she might have to hide later. Joe Carey is remarkably good at making himself scarce when she's on a rampage, but Vorik has made a masterful art of being underfoot at the worst possible moments for her pride, ever. The Vulcan is nowhere in sight, though, so she leans closer to the captain's workstation and answers her:

"They are, actually. There's more violence, of course. Less self-pity." When she's in a self-pitying, less violent mood, she prefers the human versions, and has been known to lock herself in her quarters with warm blankets, hot chocolate, and what the captain calls 'escapist reading'. Not that she'd ever admit that to Tom Paris. Actually, she's strongly considering never admitting anything to him ever again, but that's another story.

"Interesting," Janeway says. "I'm not sure you could call it a romance novel, per se, but the Bolian Epics are pretty passionate. If... a little bizarre." She goes back to poking at the underside of the terminal with the hyperspanner.

B'Elanna isn't quite sure what to say to that, but is surprised to find herself enjoying the conversation, and the captain's company. She never really thought of them as being friends -- for all the authority-figure, chain-of-command, Starfleet-protocol-tripping-over reasons -- but that doesn't mean they aren't friends, exactly.

Besides, she really doesn't have anyone else to talk about romance novels with.

"Are you considering a cross-cultural literary study, Captain?"

She can just see Janeway shrug, still elbow deep in machinery. "Well, I do have the time. Could you hand me the microlitic inducer?" She reaches up a hand, then says, "Thanks. Did you know that Risian literature is actually remarkably dull? They don't even have any native poetry."

"Well, they probably don't need fantasy lives." B'Elanna has actually never been to Risa. Not surprisingly, it's Tom Paris' favorite planet, so she's heard a lot about it. If they ever make it back to the Alpha Quadrant, she's making a special point not to go there.

Janeway wriggles out from underneath the terminal and dusts her hands off. "You may be right."

The captain's still sitting on the floor in a rather uncaptainly position, and that's probably the reason B'Elanna can't stop herself from asking, "Are you... okay? About all this?" When Janeway doesn't answer, she backpedals, "I know it's not my place to ask, Captain, but..."

"Chakotay and Tuvok didn't push me into anything, if that's what you're thinking."

"Believe me, Captain, I wasn't." She has actually attended staff meetings before, after all. As far as battles of will go, Janeway has been running the table on both Chakotay and her security officer since they landed in this quadrant.

Janeway stands and pats her shoulder. Still Janeway, still the captain, even if she's on vacation. "I do owe you an explanation, B'Elanna. Chakotay made some good points and, in the interest of science, I'm willing to try this on for a while." She searches B'Elanna's face in that intense way she has. It always manages to unnerve B'Elanna, like the captain can read her mind. "You'll let me know if you have a problem with this."

"I'm sure we can handle it, if you can."

Janeway smiles. "We'll see about that too, I guess. It's only for a little while. A nice vacation. I promise not to spend too much time in Engineering."

B'Elanna realizes that she has sort of forgotten to be annoyed about Janeway's presence. "You're always welcome, Captain."

"I'll try not to overstay that welcome," she says, nodding her head graciously. "Besides, I don't know how long this little exercise will last."

"Maybe it's a good thing," B'Elanna suggests. "You do seem... happy."

Janeway pauses for a long moment, like she hadn't actually considered that.

"Do I usually seem unhappy to you?"

B'Elanna can't think of a way to answer that that isn't damning, so she tells the truth. "Lately, yes."

Janeway doesn't comment, and doesn't tell B'Elanna what she's thinking. The chief engineer suspects it'd take longer than a day's vacation full of power relays to convince Janeway to open up too far.

"Those novels," the captain says instead. "May I borrow them?"

"They're in the database," B'Elanna replies. "But I still have the PADDs. I can bring them by tonight, if you like." Her quarters are a mild disaster, but she should be able to find them. Plus, it's probably better that the captain not venture into the library of Klingon romance without a guide. She might actually enjoy the over-ritualized ones, the ones with obscure ceremonies of honor that had B'Elanna turning to the computer for references every page or two, but B'Elanna would just rather the captain didn't read some of the more ridiculous ones. She vividly recalls a matchmaking targ in one of the stories she put down almost immediately.

Definitely best to spare the captain that.

"No rush," Janeway assures her. "I can reccomend a Bolian Epic, if you're interested, but..."

B'Elanna can only guess what Tuvok's reaction would be to the idea of the captain starting an interplanetary romance novel book club. Or Tom's. She can't wait to tell him about this conversation-

-except for the part where she's still killing him the next time she sees him. Right.

Tuvok, though, that would be a sight to see.

"Do Vulcans have romance literature?"

Janeway makes a mischievous face. "I doubt they call it that. I'm all done here, B'Elanna... I'm going to go check on Commander Chakotay."

"I thought you were on vacation, Captain."

Janeway opens her mouth, closes it, and then shrugs and corrects, "So I am. I'm headed to the mess hall, then. Thanks for letting me borrow your power relays."

"Thanks for an... interesting conversation."

She's still not sure what to make of all of this, but the captain does seem happier. She double-checks the work on the power relays and, finding no errors, decides that this experiment isn't completely insane, just... a little bizarre.

And she still doesn't know what precipitated it. It's been obvious, even down here in Engineering, that the captain has been under unusual stress for a long time... but she honestly would never have considered a consensual mutiny the most likely solution. She'll have to corner Chakotay and shake him down for the information later.

After she brings the captain some Klingon romance novels, of course.

Weird, weird day.

Joe Carey pops out of nowhere, as he is wont to do. He's been in some conduit or other most of the day, according to the work log, only ducking in and out for parts and eavesdropping. "Is the captain gone?"

B'Elanna rolls her eyes. "Yes. You can come out now."

Carey rolls his eyes right back. "What were you two talking about, anyway?"

B'Elanna contemplates actually telling him, then decides against it. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she says instead. "Now, about those impulse reactors..."


OMG A.j.! We should totally do a pants!verse, but ON VOYAGER, and possibly without pants.
feel: giddygiddy
ex_spockette108 on March 8th, 2007 08:18 am (UTC)
Okay, I totally haven't read this yet because I'll be late for school if I do, but the idea sounds AWESOME & I am saving it on my laptop so I can read it in my ten minute break between teaching, yay! And also, there should be a pants!verse in every fandom, because pants!verse, even if they're not wearing pants, is ridiculously fabulous.

*luffs you a zillion*
Little Redmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 08:43 am (UTC)
Eee, it is totally not at all that speshul, but GOOD LUCK in class, and YES, pants!verse would be SUPER RAD. That will be my NEXT plan. Pants!verse is the best gimmick ever and should be applied to all fandoms equally, I AGREE. <3 <3
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Little Red: oh peanut - josephidesmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
YAY! I totally wasn't sure if I should post this or not, because it seemed so utterly ridiculous and unlikely and shameful last night, but really, there NEEDS to be more Voyager gleee. HAPPY VOYAGER PROJECT FOR THE WIN! ;)


Is your back feeling any better, honeybunny? (The more in pain someone is, the more ridiculous the terms of endearment. It's a rule.)
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(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 06:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 07:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
babylil on March 8th, 2007 11:21 am (UTC)
Oh, this is awesome! I love it when people let Janeway be happy, and relaxed, and a lot less of the mental basket-case she sort of is in the tail end of the show (and definitely is in fandom, in general). Yay!

You should definitely do a pants!verse type thing, but TOTALLY WITHOUT PANTS! (Not in the sense of no pants ever... but you get the idea.)
Little Red: trek - jc float on - daygloparkermylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHA. No pants ever would be HILARIOUS. "Captain's Log... we have been forced to resettle on a wonderful planet with generous people... who have the oddest requirement that NO ONE WEAR PANTS, for it offends their gods. Attempts to come to a diplomatic solution are proceeding apace."


OMG, that is JANEWAY in your icon!? I totally didn't know that until I just read the caption! I figured it was some actress I didn't know. Apparently, it is THAT unusual for her to be laughing. Errr.

There needs to be more happiness on Voyager, because it was ridonkulously supper happy for 3 years, and then things started to IMPLODE. It works better with the happy.
(no subject) - babylil on March 8th, 2007 11:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 11:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - babylil on March 11th, 2007 09:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 16th, 2007 11:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - babylil on March 11th, 2007 09:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 16th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
pellucid: Inigo Montoyapellucid on March 8th, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
I love how I read fics for fandoms I know almost nothing about when it's you writing them! Apparently, though, the one episode of Voyager I've ever seen--randomly, in the week or so before Rogers figured out we weren't paying for the Space channel and canceled it--was some kind of Big Shipper Ep where Janeway and Chakotay were stuck on some planet with a monkey. And that's really all I know about Voyager... ;) But I still like this fic, even if I don't know who these characters are, really!
Little Red: xf - drr breath apart - _juxtaposedmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
You know, fandom would have you believe that's all you NEED to know about Voyager, so... you might be okay with that! At least you will now get any and all bathtub references made on my flist.

And you totally don't need to know the characters for this fic, as they are only vaguely parallel. :)

A.j.: evilaj on March 8th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
AHAHAH! OMG! YOU WIN! *throws confetti at you* It's got B'Elanna and Kathryn bonding over romance novels. I officially love you more than twenty minutes ago!

And you know, as soon as I read the outside bits of your post the line "All of their bad ideas start out this way." ran through my brain. <3 <3


(And ahahahah, Chakotay totally propositioned her. Oh, MAN, I love them. Sadly, I could totally see Tuvok suggesting sex as a stress reliever.)
Little Red: sga - lizzie slightly evil - lilwitchymylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
I totally started writing this before you wrote your little comment!spam conversation yesterday, and almost stopped because you'd basically written it already, but I had to keep going, because, OMG, Janeway being ambused by Chakotay and Tuvok and the Doc, and then actually TAKING a vacation before they have to lock her up for being bonkers!

And Chakotay totally propositioned her. Or she propositioned him, more likely, because it's Chakotay.

You know, I've been thinking lately how rarely Tuvok is put in the role of "matchmaker" in all the gazillion Voyager fics, when really, I think he's the ONLY one who could enable Janeway to actually get into a relationship with Chakotay or anyone else. I'm also just obsessed with Tuvok Being Awesome lately, so he can do aaaanything. *needs Tuvok icon*

That could be in pants!v'ger too. Also, KES RETURNS and is not crazy and bizzonkers. YES.
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 12:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Jainabrightcupenny on March 8th, 2007 03:11 pm (UTC)
Oh, yayfulness! Happy Voyager! An actual conversation between B'Elanna and Janeway! *hugs this fic*

Pants!veeeeeerse, yes!
Little Red: trek - janeway heaven earth - kabutarmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, but is pants!verse a device that will lose its fun if we use it in more than one show?? I don't think so. I think that "Not Dating" might be my bulletproof kink, really.

I really like the B'Elanna-Janeway dynamic in this series, especially early on when B'Elanna's still settling into being a Respected Starfleet Officer. I LOVE "Prime Factors," where B'Elanna all LETS MOMMY DOWN and is totally devastated by it. And then they give me that episode where B'Elanna all hallucinates through a near-death experience and actually thinks Janeway is her mom, and I love that SO HARD. Anyway.
nanda नान्दा: muppets animalnandamai on March 8th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
Dude. You made me squee about Voyager.
Little Redmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 07:12 pm (UTC)

Especially awesome because I almost didn't post it, because I was all "nanda and other people who wrote Real Serious Voyager Fic That's Actually Rad And Serious will disown me for being ridiculous."

... okay, that looks kind of dumb now that I've typed it out. Nevah mind!

Nice icon! Animal wins.
(no subject) - nandamai on March 8th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 10:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
NEXT TIME I'M IN CHURCH, PLEASE NO PHOTOS: sga: pancake on an asgarddaygloparker on March 8th, 2007 08:09 pm (UTC)



Man, I almost miss the days when I wrote terrible Voyager epics. Oh wait-- no I don't.
Little Red: jake - diane wtf - graphicalrummylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 11:02 pm (UTC)

I am FOREVER GLAD that I did not know about the internet and didn't post them, though, because the scalding flames would have SURELY stunted my growth.

Every few years -- whenever I switch computers, really -- I'll find those fics and read a bit of them, and man, I can totally no longer write EPICS like that! How did I ever? I don't know, but it's kind of crazy to read stuff now that it's soooo long ago I'm no longer embarrassed.

Your icon is just... there are no words.
(no subject) - daygloparker on March 8th, 2007 11:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 12:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - daygloparker on March 9th, 2007 12:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 12:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - daygloparker on March 9th, 2007 01:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 01:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
stellar_dust: ST - tall shipsstellar_dust on March 8th, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC)
Hee, matchmaking targ. This is awesome! :D
Little Red: trek - kes sees - 50thousandtearzmylittleredgirl on March 8th, 2007 11:04 pm (UTC)
The targ runs from the house of a SHUNNED FAMILY to a NOBLE FAMILY and it brigns the lovahs TOGETHER, and then they regain everybody's honor and kill a lot of people! YES.
One Whose Honesty is Stronger Than Her Fear: companionamilyn on March 8th, 2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
This. Is. So. Perfect.

I am in love. Truly.

Now I wanna watch Voyager again...the early stuff, before Janeway Totally Lost It.


I miss my stupid cute fandom. I'm glad I currently have a Stupid Cute Fandom...but I wish this one had done itself justice.
Little Red: trek - jc float on - daygloparkermylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 12:15 am (UTC)
Awww, YAY!!!

I'm really glad I wasn't in actual fandom for this. My sister and her dad haaaaaate Janeway with a blinding passion that's sorta scary (though, hee, sister is really liking her now as we're watching reruns!) and so there was enough fanwank right in my very own house. ;)

I'm totally in love with rewatching Voyager. It gives a total happy high that's just unique on TV. Happy warm family gleee!!
(no subject) - amilyn on March 9th, 2007 12:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mylittleredgirl on March 9th, 2007 12:45 am (UTC) (Expand)