Did I mention these ants are really really small? Like, small even for ants? And not even anywhere near my kitchen? SHUT UP.
Sister invited an ex-boyfriend who she's now friends with to fly across the country to visit us, only since he got off the plane she realized that she kind of hates him on the grounds of his being an asshead, so there's a whiny emo boy on my couch. He stares at me all creepy and emo-y whenever I go get a glass of water or something. However, he has a phobia of mayonnaise (get me the latin word for that one, pellmelody), which makes the ant thing seem totally sane and manly by comparison.
My attention span has shrunk to the point where I no longer read fanfics at all, but am reading an awful lot of headers.
Thus, the following poll. The first question has radio buttons for the betterment of SCIENCE.
Which of the following Common Fanfic Header Occurances makes you click your back button the fastest?
Misspelled words in the summary.
The author's screen name contains any word you'd expect to find in a heart in bathroom graffiti (i.e. luvs, 4ever, etc) or more than 4 numbers.
The summary begins [substitute last names from fandom of your choice]: "Jennifer Janeway, Ally Paris and Ryan Kim..."
There are more people in the "dedicated to/thanks to" section than there are characters on the show.
The fanfic is dedicated to the actors or characters on the show.
The length of the author's note requires you to actually scroll down, perhaps more than once, to reach the fic.
The phrase: "This is my first fanfic!"
Begging, demanding, or threatening passive resistance action for feedback.
In the pairing section of the header, every. single. character. you know is paired up, and there are a few pairings you don't even recognize.
The phrase: "The wonderful song belongs to the Backstreet Boys, of course!"
THOSE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TICKYBOXES.
... are you talking about me?
Dude, I read fic *for* the above reasons. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I am a better person than you and do not judge fic by its headers.
YOU MISSED MY FAVE, which I will tell you about in comments!
OMG!!1! A poll!
For the record? I'm probably guilty of every single one of these. Well, except for the Author's Name one. I actually don't moonlight as sparkyishawt4141.
EDIT: I wrote this post last night. I woke up this morning and... no ants in sight. Have they taken pity on me!? Are they all convening somewhere in the walls for a final assault?