Without further ado, Things Not To Do:
1) Run dog in high heels in below-freezing temperatures. Collisions, injuries, general physical damage may occur. (There's probably more than just one Thing Not To Do in that one. Consider it a bonus, much the way I consider it a bonus that I didn't break anything. My first thought upon hitting the ground full-force was Thank God I'm not 80!)
2) While a post-injury bath with epsom salts to relax strained muscles may be a Thing To Do, it is not a good idea to get into salted bath water WITH OPEN WOUNDS. Apparently the thing about pouring salt in wounds is actually not just a figure of speech.
3) Once all the yelping has stopped and while still in salted bath water, don't START SHAVING.
This is all the wisdom I will impart to you now. I could go on with subjects like jaywalking and taking jobs at start-up companies, but it's probably best not to overwhelm you with knowledge. Go. Reflect. If I continue to work these long hours, I will surely have more dumb for you later.
