Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red

Where to begin? Oh. "Where No Man Has Gone Before."

Megatrekathon blogging is back, thanks to my boyfriend's insistence that Enterprise, while hilarious, is not in as dire need of blogging as CLASSIC STAR TREK.

We finished up Enterprise on Monday, by the way, with "These Are The Voyages." Das Boy's wonderful Riker-dream-sequence fix-it notion kind of neutered the worst of the mind-rape-iness of that episode, so it felt less like Paramount had just shot my dog and more like Paramount had just broken into my apartment and intentionally unplugged my fridge while I was away for the weekend. I could even appreciate some of the good parts of the episode, because at least a few people were acting their little hearts out in an attempt to salvage a totally insulting script. So... yeah. I'm kind of tempted to write fanfic where I figure out exactly why Riker is having this historically incorrect dream. Best moment of the episode is totally when Riker freezes the program to kiss T'Pol on the cheek, and I'm all, I KNEW IT! William T. Riker does not waste time in the holodeck on programs that don't involve nookie.

But last night: the BRIGHT BRIGHT future of Classic Star Trek! We will have SHATNER FOR MONTHS, guys! :) The greatest hurdle so far in our megatrekathon for my boyfriend (greater than getting over my unabashed love for Mayweather's arms) has been deciding which order to watch the classic Trek episodes in. Airdate order? DVD order? STARDATE order? (Stardate order would require extra-dimensional math for the old series, since they sort of made them up as they went along.) He ultimately decided on filming order, did some research, and was very pleased. This means we start with the beige-velour-coutured wonder that is "Where No Man Has Gone Before," because his Complete Star Trek DVDs do not include "The Cage" anywhere in their completeness.

This episode is awesome. The characters were all in pre-production stages, and actually, the only ones of them who are even there are Kirk, Spock, Scotty and Sulu. The uniforms are actually velour, which makes me laugh a lot because of Zapp Brannigan's requirements for captaincy (boldness, daring, and a velour uniform). They're also all beige. Redshirts wear a lighter shade of beige. ("They have some blue shirts!" Das Boy corrects. So we're just waiting on the red velour shipment, I guess.)

Kirk: OH MY GOD, I love Shatner. Like crazy. His shirt gets ripped open, he pontificates about God and the essence of man, and laughs condescendingly at Spock. We see the first iteration of Kirk's Law: Ship > Everything. Things that are especially awesome: Kirk forgetting his yeoman's name, which he has obviously done about six times already since breakfast by her reaction. Gary Mitchell being all "Oh, I totally set you up with that one chick when you were my professor so you'd get off my case," and Kirk all "I almost married her!" Kirk being so flawlessly, stereotypically Kirk in pretty much every way, right from the first scene. Things that are especially incorrect: his headstone reads James R. Kirk. His middle name is ROCKSTAR.

Spock: Someone needs to adjust his hearing aid, STAT. He hilariously yells his lines at random moments, when no one else is yelling, and you can just imagine Kirk being all "I'm RIGHT HERE, Spock." I'm betting the hearing aid is the first thing McCoy does when he eventually shows up on the show.

Scotty: SCOTTY!!! Totally fabulous. They don't have an engineering set yet, so Scotty runs the transporter. I was rather irritated that Scotty was in dire need of a shave (and so was Spock, actually), but my boyfriend defended them with some sort of something about men and shaving and when the hairs are long enough to cut and... WHATEVER, what kind of slacker Starfleet are we running here!?

Sulu: Sulu is not the navigator. In this episode, he's the head of astro-sciences. He got that job because of his superior knowledge of third-grade math problems ("It's increasing geometrically. That's like, if you have a penny and double it every day, by the end of the month you'll be a millionaire.")

Props: In the future, everything will be stored on microfiche. Hilarious WTF Prop of the Episode: the desk lamp that Kirk uses as a P.A. microphone on the bridge.

Effects: We're watching it without the new, improved effects. The effects of crossing the galactic barrier were pretty darned cool, though. The craziest thing was the tin foil contacts or whatever they got those actors to wear. I have no idea how they did that back then. The actors obviously could not see AT ALL, but the effect was great, and somehow creepier than the CGI way it would certainly be done now.

I'm so distressed that my boyfriend had to go have a SOCIAL LIFE or whatever tonight, so we can't watch "The Corbomite Maneuver." Though the alien in that one is freaky. I had nightmares about him for weeks as a child.
Tags: megatrekathon, star trek: classic

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