The Man Trap:
Das Boy is kind of convinced that this episode was written entirely because someone found the salt-sucker costume out back of a B-movie soundstage and went "Is it cool if we take this for that new space show we're doing?" This episode has two parts: McCoy being angsty and having plot, and everyone else being BATSHIT CRAZY for no reason at all.
McCoy: Before McCoy was "Bones," it appears his nickname was "Plum." It's not explained. I'm going to pretend it's because Professor Plum is his favorite piece in Clue. He also had an ex-girlfriend Nancy who left him, married a crazy old archaologist, and got killed and replaced by a salt-sucking body-snatcher. Like you do. McCoy spends the episode dividing his time between mooning over the ex-girlfriend-salt-sucker, and getting into remarkably heated arguments with Kirk. Surprisingly, none of those arguments were about how McCoy couldn't shoot the salt-sucker even as it tried to kill Kirk and Spock, because it looked like Nancy when it didn't look like a costume someone found out back of a B-movie soundstage. In the end, both Nancy and the salt-sucker are dead. ... Yay closure?
Kirk: He tells Bones: "Stop thinking with your glands." Good advice, man. Good advice.
Uhura: Basically every single one of the junior officers and crewmen on this ship had some serious crazy flakes for breakfast this morning, but Uhura has to be the craziest. Spock tells her that she made a typo in a report she turned in, and she retaliates with a threat of waterworks: "If I hear the word 'frequency' one more time I'll cry!" Spock points out that, well, she is the Communications Officer, and as such, her only job is opening hailing frequencies and then informing people that they are, in fact, open. Her answer: "Tell me I'm an attractive young lady or ask me if I've ever been in love!" HOLY CRAZYFLAKES, UHURA.
I Dream of Janice: Janice Rand and her hair are extra sassy in this episode. We learn that she and Sulu are best buddies, or she's now his yeoman, or something, because she brings him a tray of celery and eats half of it on the way there. We also learn that every crewman on the ship totally wants to do her. She tells one of them: "Why don't you go chase an asteroid!"
Sulu: Sulu is now, officially, the weirdest character on this show. He has a room full of moving, purring Little-Shop-of-Horrors plants, who all have names and personalities. At one point, Gertrude-the-plant freaks out and hides in her pot until Sulu coaxes her out with gentle petting and consoling. Janice is, quite reasonably, afraid that these plants will eat her. As if that weren't weird enough, when Janice brings him his lunch tray, he thanks her by saying, "May the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless your planet!"
Quartermaster From Hell: First of all, this quartermaster needs to get his colors straight -- three crewmen died in this episode, and none of them were wearing red. Get on that! Das Boy pointed out that some of the crewmembers running around in the hallway during the General Quarters scenes were wearing The Cage-style baggy uniforms. I didn't notice, because I was distracted by the guy running around in a beekeeper's helmet.
The Naked Time:
Awesome: This is totally the one where everyone gets drunk on water and gravity. I saw the TNG version, "The Naked Now," before I saw this. They're actually the exact same episode, but this one is one thousand times better, because Sulu runs around with his shirt off, and Kirk slaps Spock about seventeen times in the face.
Sulu: Oh, my god, Sulu! He enters the episode with Navigator Riley bitching that Sulu wanted him to try botany last week (careful, those plants might EAT JANICE RAND) and now he wants him to try fencing. Sulu demonstrates why fencing is awesome by hilariously taking his shirt off and chasing crewmen around the ship with a rapier. This is pretty much what Sulu is remembered for, and that's okay, because it's AMAZING.
Spock: Spock initially diagnoses the Psi 2000 virus as "Some form of space madness we've never heard of," which indicates to me that there are many kinds of space madness they have heard of. (Cue Fry from Futurama: "Every time something good happens to me, you always say it's some kind of madness!") His emotional meltdown after being exposed is awesome, and sets up pretty much every Spock fanfic ever written -- he feels ashamed for feeling friendship for Kirk, he has spent his whole life struggling to repress his emotions, and he never even told his mother he loves her. *wibble*
SHIP > EVERYTHING: Kirk's reaction to the virus is basically to declare his undying hot, sweaty love for his ship. "Now I know why it's called 'sheeeee'!" He mentions how Janice Rand is hot in an offhanded way, but mostly to illustrate that the Enterprise is such a ball and chain that Kirk isn't even allowed to look at other women. The best moment of all of this is when he passionately tells the ship: "Never lose you. Never." KIRK/SHIP STAR TREK OTP 4EVA, amirite? All of this scenery chewing snaps Spock out of the crazy and back to being in control. Clearly Shatner's acting > Psi 2000 virus.
The Quartermaster Hates You: This is why the quartermaster has to dress people in beekeeper's outfits -- he spends all his damned time fixing Kirk's shirts. At the end of this episode, McCoy rips Kirk's shirt open as Kirk is WALKING PAST, shoots him in the arm with a hypospray, and we all proceed as though nothing odd has just happened.
Scotty: "I can't change the laws of physics! I've got to have thirty minutes!" My Star Trek viewing experience is now complete.
NURSE CHAPEL: YAY!! Majel is on the set, looking totally awesome in a custom-made uniform-dress-thinggy that looks totally different than everyone else's (my guess? it's the female version of the goofy male crewman jumpsuit). Her drunken come-on to Spock makes me UNENDINGLY HAPPY! She loves him JUST AS HE IS. The one weird part is that she hints that galactic rumor has it that Vulcan men are cruel to their women. If by that she means only giving them sex once every seven years, then maybe?
Navigators Suck: We are now 4 for 4, gang. 4 navigators, and every single one of them goes crazy, is stupid, or otherwise can't push their own damned buttons. Riley is totally awesome in this episode as the drunken Irish-pride ice-cream-obsessed mutineer, but still. Sulu is always leaning over and setting the course himself. Why do we have navigators again? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HIRE WALTER KOENIG SOON??
How You Know It's Worse Than You Thought: Kirk tells Janice Rand to take the helm. At the very end, she pretends to not know what's going on as Kirk stares longingly into her eyes... before remembering that, eh, it's not like he'd kick her out of bed, but she's no Enterprise.
The Department of Temporal Investigations Thinks Kirk is a Menace: At the end of this episode, for no plot-related reason at all, they go BACK IN TIME by three days. No one is concerned about the ramifications of this even a little bit. The Vulcan Science Directorate has clearly gotten over themselves in the past 100 years.
While drunk with the virus, Riley anounces a "formal dance in the bowling alley." The Enterprise:
has a bowling alley.
does not have a bowling alley.
will have a plot next week in which Sulu organizes league nights every Tuesday.