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21 April 2009 @ 06:37 pm
... kind of.

"What Are Little Girls Made Of?"

Roger Korby's Cavern of Horrors: Guest Character of the week Roger Korby is notable for three things. First, being Nurse Chapel's fiance, estranged due to missing-presumed-death after his ship crashed on an iceball of a planet five years earlier. Second, for creating human-imitating, completely insane androids. Third, for being a human-imitating, completely insane android. When you put together note #1 with note #3, you can understand why this episode kind of sucks for Nurse Chapel.

Nurse Chapel: Christine and her eyelashes get some backstory in this episode, in addition to some serious scenery to chew. My love for Majel Barrett knows no bounds, and I think we can all just put our hands together and applaud the decision to not give this storyline to Janice Rand. Chapel handles redshirt deaths, an android pretending to be Kirk, and the discovery that her lost love willfully put himself in an android body with far more aplomb than Rand typically handles Captain Kirk's dinner order. Her best moment of the episode comes when Korby asks Christine, "Do you really think I could love a machine?" and she's all "Well, did you?" Chapel's last moment with her former fiance is watching him make out with Ondrea, who promptly vaporizes him. I'm sure this won't leave any lasting psychological scars whatsoever. At the end of the episode, Chapel thanks Kirk for "letting it be my decision," and tells him that she's decided to remain on Enterprise. Huh? Where, exactly, was she going to go if it wasn't her decision?

Her eyelashes will pwn you.

More Macho Than Macho Cheese Doritos: KIRK GETS HIS FIRST CRAZY ALIEN KISS! He's probably not writing it up on his myspace, though, because it only happened because Crazy Android Roger Korby ordered Crazy Android Ondrea to kiss Kirk. His second crazy alien kiss happens when he orders Ondrea to kiss him. Lest you think this reflects negatively on his crazy mojo of machismo, he then forces the android chick into full-on-makeout mode, completely frying her logical circuits, pretty much exactly as Kirk knew it would. When Lieutenant Kirk taught at Starfleet Academy, I'm pretty sure he held master's classes in the benefits of tongue-kissing to deep space exploration, if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-think-you-do. Very little of Kirk's plan of action in this episode makes any sense. He keeps sneaking off into the caves, trying to escape A GIANT ANDROID who has lived there for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. At one point, he rips a bigass stalactite OUT OF THE CAVE CEILING like, I don't know, it's not made of rock, and the whole thing would have seemed much more manly if the prop didn't look like a giant pink dildo. For those of you keeping track at home, we're still rocking a 50% shirtless-Shatner-to-episode ratio, as we get not one, but two nearly-naked Kirks in this episode. Ha-cha!

I do not make these things up.

Rock: The giant android who has lived on the planet for hundreds of years is pretty awesome -- definitely a better feat of makeup and casting than the salt-sucker costume. However, his awesomeness is no match for Kirk, who talks him out of all his computerized programming in less than two minutes. Rock dies in the first phaser disintegration effect of the series, so his sacrifice will at least be noted for something.

"It's a cookbook." Das Boy thought he was the dude from To Serve Man, but he's actually Lurch. And THE GORN. And the voice of Balok's scary-ass puppet in THE SCARIEST STAR TREK EPISODE EVER MADE.

Ondrea: I think Ondrea is the first of many female guest stars on this series who will make me feel horridly chaste and proper for thinking "I can't believe they could show that much skin on TV in the 60s!" (And then I recall how short the skirts were that the daughters wore in The Brady Bunch, so I guess it was a different time.) Kirk's lip love blows Ondrea's circuits so thoroughly that she sees the android version of Kirk in the hallway, orders him to kiss her, and then kills him immediately when he refuses. (Perhaps this is why Kirk never refuses advances from a lady, just in case?)

Going where 107 other alien space babes will go, but going there first.

Spock: Spock gets the short straw in this episode. He doesn't get to go on the away mission. Nurse Chapel mocks him for never having been engaged, and then keeps talking before he can be all "only since I was SEVEN, Miss Quick-to-JudgePants." Then Kirk sends him a secret message that something is wrong... by calling him a halfbreed. At the end of the episode Kirk promises never to do anything like that again, until the next time they're in a similar situation, and Spock smirks, because of course they're never going to encounter a planet full of androids again.

Also Starring: Of course, Spock doesn't get the shortest straw. Sulu, Scotty and McCoy don't even show up in this episode, not to mention some other yeoman stewardessing the morning coffee onto the bridge. And then there's Rayburn and Kirby, who might be our first genuine redshirts. Rayburn and Kirby, we hardly knew ye.

WTF Prop of the Episode: You know, the competition was thick in this one. There's the padd in the first scene which is totally wrapped in cellophane, like those things you got as kids where you'd draw on it, then lift the cellophane, and the writing would magically disappear. On a grand scale, there's the giant centrifuge of android creation. However, nothing beats the Command Packet. Android Kirk goes up to the ship, opens the safe (THE SAFE) in Kirk's quarters, and pulls out a LEATHER FOLIO with printed destination cards inside. It's not like they DON'T HAVE CELLOPHANE PADDS, you guys! Spock kind of freaks out at the idea that Kirk would take the all-important Command Packet off the ship. I can only assume that when Uhura gets these instructions from Starfleet Command, she prints them using the HP deskjet underneath her console on very outer space, futuristic cardstock.

"It's not paper! It's some kind of metal!" "No, sir, that's paper." (MST3K the movie)

Poll #1387732 Since it's not actually answered...

What ARE little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and everything nice.
Flesh and bone.
Android circuitry.
A gaping hole in their existance that can only be filled by SHATNER.
Back by popular demand: OMG, a poll!!1!

NEXT ADVENTURE: A beaker full of death. For the two of you who guessed what episode that quote is from: oh yes. That crack is about to happen.

Edit: I had time, so found pikshurz. All are from tos.trekcore.com which, seriously, go there and make me icons.

EDIT #2: HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS, THEY HAVE ALL THE COMPLETE EPISODES OF TOS FREE ON THE IMDB. You now have officially no excuse for not partying like it's 1966.
feel: happyhappy
AC: milliecheekygal on April 22nd, 2009 11:59 am (UTC)
OMG. The space rock dildo. I will never look at Kirk in the same way again. I already knew he was chock-full-o-ham, but this? ACK!
Little Red: trek - mind meld - lemonrocketmylittleredgirl on April 22nd, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
I KNOW! Major hilarity brought to you by the propmaster in this one. I just... OMG.

I'm just counting my lucky stars that Spock didn't have to mind-meld with it.
Havochavocthecat on April 22nd, 2009 12:54 pm (UTC)
I LOVE THESE POSTS. You are made of win. Trek is totally made of more win. Not to mention crack.
Little Red: trek - fandom shirt - distress_callmylittleredgirl on April 22nd, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
So much crack!!! Oh my god. These episodes did not seem nearly so ridiculous when I was a kid. Star Trek is the best.

I'm so glad that you're reading these posts! :)
Samin_parentheses on April 22nd, 2009 02:57 pm (UTC)
OMG the stalactite! I am losing my shit at work.
Little Red: trek - ani headdesk - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on April 22nd, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC)
That thing is SO CRAZY, I can't even cope. I giggled my face off during that scene, I swear.
Samin_parentheses on April 22nd, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
Seriously. It's not even like, "Oh that thing is vaguely phallic because all things longer than they are wide must be phallic." It's really more, "I am Captain Kirk and I wield the GIANT ROCK-HARD COCK OF DOOOOOOM!"

...Er, plaster-hard.
Little Red: trek - ani crazy pills - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on April 22nd, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
Opal: earth boom2oparu on April 22nd, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
I need an android body so I can devote it to reading your updates...
Little Red: trek - mccoy is not an escalatormylittleredgirl on April 22nd, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
Are you making fun of my newfound prolificness!?

*: text [star trek geek]spockette on April 23rd, 2009 01:42 am (UTC)
SPACE DILDO. No doubt, crafted from the likeness of the space penis.

Man, I need to start watching TOS again for the lulz, yes.

*clings to you with gleee*
Little Red: trek - encyclopedia - ghost_sheepmylittleredgirl on April 23rd, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)

WATCH again for the lulz, for srs!!!! It is amazingly hilarious.

Also: SPACE PENIS. Ahahahaha.
*: sga [sparky]spockette on April 23rd, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)


For true, I must find DVDs someplace. The only Trek I get on teevee at the moment is nightly re-runs of DS9, which, whilst awesome, is not filled with the insane crackish lulz of TOS.

Little Red: sga - sw kiss me - goldie_galmylittleredgirl on April 23rd, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)
Or watch on ze imdb with free full episodes!! :)


:-D Zomg, email me ur address ya? I hav sumthing for u from liek 2 Christmasses ago!

eeeeeee, youriconmakesmesohappy. :) I have not seen lantis in ten bazillion years, but they are still so prettyyyyy in those casual clothes.
*: sga [sparky is love]spockette on April 23rd, 2009 03:23 am (UTC)
I LUV U ALSO, MAH WEE RED QUEAN. is verrah scottish, omg.

'lantis is made of win. I had not seen it in ages either, but I have loaded it all onto my laptop so I can stay in bed and watch shiny teevee when I am ill. 'lantis + hardcore pain meds + valium = cracked out awesomeness. I totally forgot about the episode where they made out and then tried to shoot each other inna the face and I was squeeing madly. heh.

TOS on IMDB. YES. I must watch now!

(will email! i am moving at the end of june (but only to a different apartment in the same building, so as i do not have to live with my mother this summer! wheeee!), so you want post-june address, or current address?)

oh, Sparky. they are so pretty.
Little Red: sga - rpf <3 - valeria_sg_1mylittleredgirl on April 23rd, 2009 03:27 am (UTC)
eeeeee now I want to watch that episode!!! but it r Star Trek or Bust in my house lately. also Meerkat Manor, because omgholymeerkatcuteness.

Let's be optimistic and give me pre-June addy! :)

And yayyyyy not living wif ur mom this summer! We must CATCH UP! I am doing mostly well except that today mi therapist diagnosed me with "um, u r goin down dat path of INSANE again, rnt u?" and I was all "... is i? CRAP." But that is an aberration! Ordinarily I am doing v. well! :)
*: sga [sparky hug]spockette on April 23rd, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
Meerkat Manor! omg, that sounds like the most kawaiiest thing evar. For true, you must, at some point, renew the Sparky love. I forgot how adorable they were!

I have emailed you with address, both pre and post-June, just in case! :)

We must catch up, yes!

You doing mostly well = awesome. *is happy*

*luffs u in teh fayc*
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: trek - sisko niners - nos'mylittleredgirl on April 23rd, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)

Also: Happy 50th, Tito! We gift-wrapped the Twins for you.
Aquariusaquarius_1977 on April 28th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
Dude! Sorry 2 spam ur lj but was afraid u got abducted!