*dies of laff*
I put off talking about my Star Trek reaction on here, because everyone was talking about theirs and I didn't see it on opening night so I'm sure it has all been said, but if anyone has possibly been pining away without my two cents:
The moviegoing experience was something like this: Opening weekend. Me & Das Boy drive up to Seattle and hate on traffic. Sister and sister's fiance drive us the sold-out IMAX theatres, and then hate on IMAX. We go to a regular theatre, and sister and I spend the movie clinging to each other and throwing our hands in the air in the second-to-front row and applauding a lot because STAR TREK on BIG SCREEN! I didn't know anything about the movie going in aside from a few cast pics and the bridge set, and I love doing that, because surprises are EVEN BIGGER on the big screen.
We all liked it, to varying degrees. Pretty much no one in the theatre liked it more than my sister and I did, because we went in there DETERMINED to love the heck out of it (other things we love the heck out of, for scale: Insurrection, Britney Spears, The Voyager Episode Where Aliens Put Them Into Comas And B'Elanna Pretends To Jump Chakotay). The menfolk wanted to dissect things and talk about what was bad. Our decompression convo went like this:
Das Boy: IT WAS STAR WARS.
Me and Sis: IT WAS GLEEEEEE!!
Fiance-in-law (can I call sis's fiance that? Now I can): It was the BEST FUCKING STAR TREK MOVIE EVER. I don't know, but I hope in the next movie someone goes and kills all of Berman and Braga's future descendants so they can't be involved.
Fiance-in-law: Also, ALL OF STAR TREK NEVER HAPPENED NOW.
Sis: They said right in the movie that this is an alternate universe.
Das Boy: Yep. As soon as Spock and Nero went back in time, it created an alternate universe.
Me: But wait...! That means that in OUR universe Romulus is really gone!?
Fiance-in-law: Time travel in Star Trek DOES NOT work that way and you know it! It changes the current universe EVERY SINGLE TIME IT HAPPENS.
Me: I'm pretty sure the whole thing has to be an alternate universe. How else can you explain Budweiser being the ONLY BEER to survive the third world war? And wtf, NOKIA!?
Das Boy: AND ROBOCOP FROM STAR WARS. THIS WAS NOT STAR TREK AT ALL.
Me: HAHA. Enterprise's lack of canon is now THE ONLY CANON.
Das Boy: I'm pretty sure the rest of Star Trek canon can still happen. I mean, it's not like Vulcans EVER get any airtime anyway. The only Vulcan on DS9? A SERIAL KILLER.
Fiance-in-law: HA. And the Vulcan ambassador on TNG was really a Romulan.
Sis: Everyone was so pretty, though.
Das Boy & Fiance-in-Law: HEY.
Das Boy: Where did they find that canyon in IOWA!? Should've been in FLORIDA. In the XINDI SWATH.
Me: OMG. I just realized that Uhura was doing her professor. HA!
Das Boy: What, you thought she just randomly went up to him in the turbolift?
Me: ... that sorta thing happens in fanfic ALLATIME. Oh, man, someone must have written fic explaining what happens in the regularverse after Romulus.
Sis: They all moved to Remus.
Fiance-in-law: THERE IS NO REGULAR VERSE. IT NEVER HAPPENS.
Me: See, actually, I think it's not even really RELATED to our universe at all. Star Trek is like Shakespeare now! People are just redoing it in strange settings! You know, like Othello set at a dinner party?
Das Boy: Or Romeo+Juliet.
Sis: I LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Me: Yes, this is now Star+Trek!
Das Boy: Though clearly their intention was to make this an alternate universe based on Spock from ours-
Fiance-in-law: No. You just have to accept that this movie means Picard and The Sisko NEVER HAPPEN.
Me: But... but...! *literally starts to panic a bit that I will get home and my DVDs will be GONE because they NEVER EXISTED and I will be the ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS*
Sis: It's already happened. IT'S A TV SHOW. You have no idea how much it pains me to say that, by the way.
Fiance-in-law: Screw the effing movies. They need to make a TV show out of this shiz.
Das Boy: No, they should do another show set in regularverse, after the Dominion War.
Fiance-in-law: THERE IS NO DOMINION WAR. WHAT YOU JUST WATCHED JUST ERASED IT.
Me: Sis? Next movie we're going alone.
Yep, so that was that. Hilights: McCOY, of freaking course, and how everyone is SO GOOD LOOKING especially THE ENTERPRISE, and love for new!Scotty and baby!Chekov (in Russian, he can be Chekovechka), and CHRISTOPHER FUCKING PIKE. My love for Pike is pretty ENDLESS. Also: LEARNING PITS. And AMANDAAAAAA! Amanda was sadly sacrificed so I could get my much-needed quotient of SPOCK EMOTIONALLY LOVING HIS MOM. <3 Also, I <3 Sarek liek crazy. OKAY, I basically loved everything, except: VULCAN. WTF. NOOOOOO. And ROMULUS. WTF. NOOOOOOO. And also, this is a crew of Romulan miners and they spend 25 years with no one going "look, fuck it, let's be over this Romulan Ahab thing because if we DESTROY VULCAN it's not like they will SAVE US FROM THE SUPERNOVA ANY FASTER and go back to Romulus and give them our bitchin drill technology and let them create an ARMADA to PWN this quadrant."!? WHY didn't that happen!? They should've gotten sucked back into the time warp for 25 years or sumthin. The new uniforms look kinda like the mesh shirts you wear in middle school sports scrimages. Also, THE FEDERATION IS A POLICE STATE NOW. Pike is all "Yep. The Federation is a PEACEKEEPING ARMADA" (not "Starfleet" even, THE FEDERATION) because that doesn't give any hints AT ALL of fascism, no way.
Most obvious thing they left out: JANICE RAND AS UHURA'S ROOMMATE GETTIN' DONE BY KIRK.
I'm only forgiving them because this is an alternate universe.