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20 May 2009 @ 08:36 pm
Everyone usually sees these things before me, but sidhefaer has abridged the hell out of STAR TREK XI and you will LOVE IT.

*dies of laff*

I put off talking about my Star Trek reaction on here, because everyone was talking about theirs and I didn't see it on opening night so I'm sure it has all been said, but if anyone has possibly been pining away without my two cents:

The moviegoing experience was something like this: Opening weekend. Me & Das Boy drive up to Seattle and hate on traffic. Sister and sister's fiance drive us the sold-out IMAX theatres, and then hate on IMAX. We go to a regular theatre, and sister and I spend the movie clinging to each other and throwing our hands in the air in the second-to-front row and applauding a lot because STAR TREK on BIG SCREEN! I didn't know anything about the movie going in aside from a few cast pics and the bridge set, and I love doing that, because surprises are EVEN BIGGER on the big screen.

We all liked it, to varying degrees. Pretty much no one in the theatre liked it more than my sister and I did, because we went in there DETERMINED to love the heck out of it (other things we love the heck out of, for scale: Insurrection, Britney Spears, The Voyager Episode Where Aliens Put Them Into Comas And B'Elanna Pretends To Jump Chakotay). The menfolk wanted to dissect things and talk about what was bad. Our decompression convo went like this:



Fiance-in-law (can I call sis's fiance that? Now I can): It was the BEST FUCKING STAR TREK MOVIE EVER. I don't know, but I hope in the next movie someone goes and kills all of Berman and Braga's future descendants so they can't be involved.

Sis: Whut?


Sis: They said right in the movie that this is an alternate universe.

Das Boy: Yep. As soon as Spock and Nero went back in time, it created an alternate universe.

Me: But wait...! That means that in OUR universe Romulus is really gone!?

Fiance-in-law: Time travel in Star Trek DOES NOT work that way and you know it! It changes the current universe EVERY SINGLE TIME IT HAPPENS.

Me: I'm pretty sure the whole thing has to be an alternate universe. How else can you explain Budweiser being the ONLY BEER to survive the third world war? And wtf, NOKIA!?


Me: HAHA. Enterprise's lack of canon is now THE ONLY CANON.

Das Boy: I'm pretty sure the rest of Star Trek canon can still happen. I mean, it's not like Vulcans EVER get any airtime anyway. The only Vulcan on DS9? A SERIAL KILLER.

Fiance-in-law: HA. And the Vulcan ambassador on TNG was really a Romulan.


Sis: Everyone was so pretty, though.

Me: YES.

Das Boy & Fiance-in-Law: HEY.

Das Boy: Where did they find that canyon in IOWA!? Should've been in FLORIDA. In the XINDI SWATH.

Me: OMG. I just realized that Uhura was doing her professor. HA!

Das Boy: What, you thought she just randomly went up to him in the turbolift?

Me: ... that sorta thing happens in fanfic ALLATIME. Oh, man, someone must have written fic explaining what happens in the regularverse after Romulus.

Sis: They all moved to Remus.


Me: See, actually, I think it's not even really RELATED to our universe at all. Star Trek is like Shakespeare now! People are just redoing it in strange settings! You know, like Othello set at a dinner party?

Das Boy: Or Romeo+Juliet.


Me: Yes, this is now Star+Trek!

Das Boy: Though clearly their intention was to make this an alternate universe based on Spock from ours-

Fiance-in-law: No. You just have to accept that this movie means Picard and The Sisko NEVER HAPPEN.

Me: But... but...! *literally starts to panic a bit that I will get home and my DVDs will be GONE because they NEVER EXISTED and I will be the ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS*

Sis: It's already happened. IT'S A TV SHOW. You have no idea how much it pains me to say that, by the way.

Fiance-in-law: Screw the effing movies. They need to make a TV show out of this shiz.

Das Boy: No, they should do another show set in regularverse, after the Dominion War.


Me: Sis? Next movie we're going alone.

Yep, so that was that. Hilights: McCOY, of freaking course, and how everyone is SO GOOD LOOKING especially THE ENTERPRISE, and love for new!Scotty and baby!Chekov (in Russian, he can be Chekovechka), and CHRISTOPHER FUCKING PIKE. My love for Pike is pretty ENDLESS. Also: LEARNING PITS. And AMANDAAAAAA! Amanda was sadly sacrificed so I could get my much-needed quotient of SPOCK EMOTIONALLY LOVING HIS MOM. <3 Also, I <3 Sarek liek crazy. OKAY, I basically loved everything, except: VULCAN. WTF. NOOOOOO. And ROMULUS. WTF. NOOOOOOO. And also, this is a crew of Romulan miners and they spend 25 years with no one going "look, fuck it, let's be over this Romulan Ahab thing because if we DESTROY VULCAN it's not like they will SAVE US FROM THE SUPERNOVA ANY FASTER and go back to Romulus and give them our bitchin drill technology and let them create an ARMADA to PWN this quadrant."!? WHY didn't that happen!? They should've gotten sucked back into the time warp for 25 years or sumthin. The new uniforms look kinda like the mesh shirts you wear in middle school sports scrimages. Also, THE FEDERATION IS A POLICE STATE NOW. Pike is all "Yep. The Federation is a PEACEKEEPING ARMADA" (not "Starfleet" even, THE FEDERATION) because that doesn't give any hints AT ALL of fascism, no way.

Most obvious thing they left out: JANICE RAND AS UHURA'S ROOMMATE GETTIN' DONE BY KIRK.

I'm only forgiving them because this is an alternate universe.
feel: ditzyditzy
Ridiculously Fanatic: str pine by sorakinel_ani on May 21st, 2009 04:41 am (UTC)
There has DEFINITELY been pining. :D :D

PIKE! OMG! He was SO GOOD! And I was kind of surprised that he survived, actually. Surprised, but HAPPY! Oh my god, don't have an icon of him yet. *must rectify*
Little Red: trek - mind meld - lemonrocketmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 04:44 am (UTC)
When you find one will you SHARE!?!??? PIKE. EEEE.

I was sooooooo ecstatic that he survived! I thought for sure he was done for with the Wrath Of Khan Bug Thing. My boyfriend and I argued about whether or not he was also being waterboarded (I said yes, due to all the water).
redbeardredbeard on May 21st, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
You're right! There was no Janice Rand! WTF?!?!?!

(next time?)
Little Red: trek - sistine trek - lemonrocketmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
I KNOW, RIGHT!? It's not like there's a lack of young blondes in Hollywood. Das Boy guesses that maybe Janice was supposed to be younger than everyone... but really, there's just no way she's younger than Chekov.

I hope in the next movie there is Janice, and she is bringing people coffee and SPACE CRACK. :-D

*gasp* I have no Janice icons! WTF.
Ravennoradannan on May 21st, 2009 12:51 pm (UTC)
I was totally pining for your take on the movie, actually. <3 <3 <3

E is of high hopes that they'll turn this cast into a tv show as well. They are a pretty, pretty cast...
Little Red: trek - enterprise porn - liminallizmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
They are so pretty indeed. I don't want to wait years in between seeing them. Eeeeee.

Das Boy was none too pleased at the way I was obviously fangirling Chris Pine. I will have to keep that more restrained when we go see the movie again this weekend. ;)
A.j.: sadaj on May 21st, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC)

Little Red: trek - soval ears - emily_reichmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC)

A.j.: evilaj on May 21st, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: trek - kirk skillz - distress_callmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC)
*dies at your icon*

OMG. Yep. Kirk is very "I will just stand here until you decide you can't stand not having sex with me any longer." LOVE.
Samin_parentheses on May 21st, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
I want to hear your fanwanking of the Romulans' look. WTF was up with the tats?
Little Red: trek - ani my plan - rightoniconsmylittleredgirl on May 21st, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
You know, I was actually okay with that? We really never get to see non-military, lower-class Romulans... so it worked for me that maybe these people, like old-skool sailors, got a tattoo for every planet they mined or something. I mean, dumb, YES, but plausible, KIND OF.

In general, the Romulan & Vulcan ears were a little dumb-looking in this movie, though.
redbeardredbeard on May 21st, 2009 04:11 pm (UTC)
I think this implies that we are due to hear some Romulan Chanties.