Little Red: "Star Trek Online has BONUSES if you pre-order! Like playing a JOINED TRILL in a CLASSIC TREK MINISKIRT! It's truly, truly the greatest thing ever to happen in a computer game, ever. But I have to do it before February 1st."
Technology Demons: "Star Trek Online does not have a mac-compatible version so you can't play it. NYAH."
LR: "No problem! That's why they created Boot Camp on intel macs, which I have, which can totally let you partition your drive and install Windows!"
TD: "You don't have enough space on your drive, SUCKER! Try owning less crappy music!"
LR: *shells out $80 on external hard drive to hold media*
TD: "FAIL! Your computer will not partition because it is FRAGGED. And I don't have a defrag button!"
LR: "AHA! But I have an external drive now! I can clone my operating system and files to my external drive, reformat my hard disk, and reinstall everything. Result: YOU ARE SO DEFRAGGED."
TD: "... okay fine, I will let you partition your drive now."
LR: "Excellent! Now to install Windows."
TD: "PSYCH! Your internal optical drive has suddenly and terminally busted!"
LR: "... I WILL BUY AN EXTERNAL CD DRIVE IF I HAVE TO AND THEN RETURN IT THE NEXT DAY."
TD: "Too bad! You can't install windows from an external drive! Nyahhhh."
TD: "It's a Windows thing."
LR: "OK, OK, I got this one. I will take my BOYFRIEND's macbook, defrag it using clone/wipe/reinstall system, partition it, install windows on THAT, use winclone to clone THAT windows operating system, AND THEN INSTALL IT ON MY COMPUTER."
TD: "That will work! Except then you'll need to insert your Mac OS install disk to install the drivers needed to recognize the USB ports."
LR: "... so you're saying that before I install the drivers, using an external drive connected by USB, it will not be able to read external drives connected by USB."
TD: "Yes. The internet suggests you fix your freaking internal drive."
LR: "How much will that cost?"
TD: "Eh. $400."
LR: *surrenders very sadly to future with no Star Trek Online*
Except, instead of a conversation, this took all week. I MIGHT CRY.
ETA: Because the sunk cost fallacy is a lie, we're now considering trying cloning the Windows partition from Das Boy's computer and the drivers. Why do I feel like I'm being had?