ETA: Okay, I wasn't going to do a recap, because it was AWESOME, and I'm kind of only funny when things suck. But. THE AWESOME. I MUST TELL YOU IT.
1. SANTANA. Santana wins the night by absolutely all sane accounting. In a night of completely epically awesome numbers, she's in all the best ones. And she's evil. And she has sex without one ounce of shame, and goddammit I love her. And her VOICE! Someone give this chick a solo. (I'm looking at you, SUE SYLVESTER.)
2. SUE SYLVESTER. How does she manage to be so utterly ridiculous and so note-perfect all at the same time? Best moment of victory: stealing Kurt and Mercedes, of course, although I somehow feel like this might end up backfiring on Sue eventually (noooo). And she's top of the "wait, she can sing?" list for the week.
3. Kurt and Mercedes. "I'm gay. She's black. We make culture." Yes, yes you do. And "4 Minutes" was AMAZING.
4. CHEERIOS NUMBERS. "4 Minutes" was great, and "Ray of Light" was awesome. Damn. I love seeing Brit and Santana in the group Cheerios numbers, too. I'm all "My girls! Yay!"
5. "Like a Virgin" - sign Miss Pillsbury up next on the list of "wait, she can sing?" (actually, there's a brain-twinge going on saying that we heard her sing in the 1st half of the season? did we? if so, I suppose it wasn't that memorable). And Santana was amazing. This whole number was awesome, awesome, awesome, and at the end of it, I'm glad at least SOMEBODY got some, because I was gonna be hella pissed if no one got laid after that.
6. "Express Yourself" - this might be my new favorite Glee number. I wish Quinn had rocked fantasy-land pregnant instead of not-pregnant, but that was the only imperfect thing. I was all GO GIRL POWER!!! throughout this entire episode, and this number looked great, sounded great, and was just... GO GIRL POWER.
7. Tina and Artie. I don't particularly care if they get/stay together, or whatever, but they're both great in their moments of glory. Tina, the righteous gleek of equality, and Artie, appropriately chastised.
8. Brittany must always make the list of awesome. I love her, and I'm pretty sad that she wasn't more involved in Santana's hijinks this week, but I'm sure she was happily playing My Little Ponies with her seven year old boyfriend. Every word out of her mouth is hilarious.
9. Will and Emma - SHOCKINGLY NOT BORING! Not exactly thrilling, either, but I'll take it!
10. Rachel and Finn. I kind of 'ship them? As in, I want the show to continue to 'ship them? And if we could get Quinn back into this love triangle, that'd be swell, too. Awww, I love those crazy kids.
11. EVERYONE. Really. EVERYONE. Every character seemed to be having an absolutely fabulous time (well, except Puck, but he's low on my list of priorities since we didn't even get a scene of him making amends for no doubt being a tool to Quinn, HAS MADONNA TAUGHT YOU NOTHING, PUCK!?) and that's when I love this show best -- when it's a gleeful romp (dammit, I did NOT mean to make that pun) with adorably painful teen angst moments and everyone being complete dorks and the Cheerios dancing a lot. So basically, THIS EPISODE.