Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red
mylittleredgirl

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Confession time!

So, I've written about twelve words for nano over the past three days. Not that I haven't spent hours with my word doc open! I switched into mindless distraction mode where I don't sleep, find some new toy to nonsensically obsess over, lie to people about how I spend my time, and avoid anything resembling emotional engagement. I even went to Television Without Pity today, which is my personal bellwether for this becoming a phase and not just "Oh, it's completely reasonable that I'm scouring the internet for Dancing with the Stars fanfic where, like, Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya make boring coffee together and do the crossword, and surely this bizarre whim will all blow over in an hour."

Das Boy gave me a pep talk about not quitting. I got mildly cross (on the inside) because he was rightly pointing out that I'm doing this wrong and called me on my bullshit, and then I went home to write and instead read Television Without Pity and watch youtube clips of local TV stations interviewing DWTS stars. Ehhhhnnng.

My excuse is that I'm detaching from emotional things - including writing - because I don't want to have a meltdown. I've been simmering on emotional stress for a while, and then worry about my mom's health is making my calm feel a little precarious.

Even if this excuse is reasonable and legit, this is still a really bad strategy (and a bit of a trope in my life). I won't sleep, I'll get sick, I'll fail at nano, I'll have a meltdown about being sick/failing at everything, and I'll spend a few weeks or months crying in bed and/or the hospital. That will suck. It sucks every time! [MYTH: BUSTED!]

So, not doing that! Besides, I can't have completely hosed myself by November 5th, right? (Happy birthday, fibonacci! Also, gunpowder, treason, plot, etc.) DAMN STRAIGHT. The vast majority of Crappy Novel Month is still ahead! And, hell, grav_ity (who is a freak of nano nature but still) wrote over 10K this week while crashing her archaologymobile into trees or whatever, so clearly I can do this from the safety of my couch. So, to make penance for the past few days:

1) I will turn off my wireless and write at least 500 words before bed. If they suck I will giggle and KEEP WRITING.

2) Then! Writing all weekend (except for other immutable projects)! Until my total breaks 5K, wireless will be off during writing bursts (which will also keep me offa wikipedia, which is a whole other problem). When I do go online, if I feel the urge to go to TWoP/hulu/othertimesink, I will do 10 jumping jacks or run around the block, depending on time of day. Then I won't go to TWoP/hulu/othertimesink. (The jumping jacks are irrelevant except that they interrupt the impulse of clicking.) [WRITING WITHOUT PITY]

3) I want to be at 10K by Sunday! I haven't done the math, but that will probably still make me behind? It's a nice round number and I'm sticking with it.

10K by Sunday! *\o/* Mars or Bust!
Tags: challenge: nanocrazymo
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