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12 February 2011 @ 12:11 am
Time Travel! OMG!  
Time Travel won my I can't make independent decisions so let's have a poll for what marathon I should have next poll! Temporal mechanics 101 is now in session.

Starting off (*ahem* please take one copy of the syllabus and pass the rest down the row), I figure there are three basic plots that can happen in a time travel episode:

1) Our people travel to the past/future, wear costumes & have shenanigans!
2) Someone from the past/future (usually the future) visits us to have shenanigans in our time.
3) An outside force, an accident, or magical science somehow alters the past, usually destroying all we hold dear, with Our Heroes being the last line of defense between us and OBLIVION.

The Temporal Cold War, or whaaaaa I'm watching Enterprise and I think I need a calculator and WHERE DID THE ALIEN NAZIS COME FROM (spoiler!), is mostly #2, which is problematic because people from the future are often assholes. My first task in my Time Travel Marathon (Chronithon? y/n?) is to figure out what the heck happens in this bizaaaarre plot arc!

Enterprise, Season 1:

"Broken Bow"

Makeouts in the pilot episode! Bless.

OKAY! There's barely any time travel in this episode at all, but the Temporal Cold War is introduced, and it's the pilot and it's fabulous so of course I'm going to watch it. Key players are introduced! Like Captain Archer, seen above getting his integrity evaluated (no really, that was the excuse) by a secret Suliban named Serin. He has no clue at this point that he is somehow the temporal lynchpin of the universe. Other weavers of this nonsensical tapestry:

Keckler at twop named this guy Temporal Shower Man and I can't think of him as anything else (the producers apparently call him "future guy" which, come on now, this is a TEMPORAL COLD WAR and EVERYBODY is from the future, let's try to be a little more specific). Temporal Shower Man skypes instructions from the future to The Cabal and wants to destabilize our time and make everyone go to war, or something. Everything near him gets all wavy and timewarpy. He's kind of a royal douchebag.

This is Silik. He's a Suliban. He works for the Cabal. He has freaky genetic enhancements. From what we can tell, he has no real agenda other than to do whatever Temporal Shower Man tells him to do. The way he says Jon is spectacularly creepy and sexy at the same time. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Oh, and that chick the captain was exchanging vital telepathic data with up there?


Oh, and the ship is launched. That's important too. (Other ships that are launched: Trip & T'Pol pretty much have naked decon sex meet.)

"Cold Front"

Duuuuuude, are you, like, seeing the future right now?

I love first-season Enterprise. They basically bound across the sector going up to alien ships and saying "HI WE'RE FROM EARTH! Whatcha doin'? Can we hang out with you? Want to come see our ship? It's new and goes Warp 5!" This time, they invite some pilgrims on board. One of them is Silik in disguise, and he saves the ship from blowing up. Earlier, Temporal Shower Man stole some of Silik's enhancements (there's a gross scene where other Suliban literally bleed it out of him, showing that the Suliban do whatever this guy wants them to). Why he wants them to save Enterprise is anyone's guess. Temporal Shower Man works in mysterious ways.

We have a new player! Daniels, shown above getting high with Archer using 31st-century technology. He's a human "temporal agent" sent back in time to capture Silik, and he's been masquerading as a steward on the ship. It's pretty much the crappiest assignment ever - he spends four and a half months as a waiter, hanging out with a crew who spends their movie nights watching Night of the Killer Androids, and then Silik "kills" him. At least the Star Trek Rules of Time Travel specifically state that a dead time traveler is probably not really dead. Archer nonsensically orders Daniels' quarters locked up with the mysterious future stuff still inside, while foreshadowing music plays to the tune of I'll bet this will be relevant again in the season finale cliffhanger.

And this has nothing to do with time travel, but Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis have ACTUAL SCENES with ACTUAL LINES and there's some serious adorable while Hoshi and Travis wonder aloud what it's like to sit in the captain's chair and it's so cute I might die:

(I ship them so hard.)

To recap:

Archer: Thinks time travel is probably legit because you can just trust someone who makes your scrambled eggs right.
Trip: Is completely sold on anything that lets him play with cool tech.
T'Pol: The Vulcan Science Directorate has found no evidence that time travel is possible.
Temporal Shower Man: Douchebag.
Silik: Still giving off weird sexual overtones at Archer.
Daniels: Dead (maybe).
a universal sigh: Ent - T'Pol - Vulcan greetingnaushika on February 12th, 2011 08:21 am (UTC)
Oh, my god. I love Enterprise. It was so great in its awkwardness.
Little Red: trek - t'pol archer classic trekmylittleredgirl on February 12th, 2011 08:26 am (UTC)
They really really really really just want to be friends with EVERYONE and EVERYTHING and are convinced that every time that anyone cheats them / shoots at them / sabotages them it will be the last time because really the universe is a happy friendly place, right??

This is why it's so crushing that the Xindi turn them all into maniacs. It's like BUT THEY WERE SUCH CUTE PUPPIES, AND THEN YOU NUKED FLORIDAAAAA.

Mmm, sexy rebel T'Pol in your icon, I love it.
a universal sigh: Ent - T'Pol - the earnaushika on February 12th, 2011 10:12 am (UTC)
THEY WERE SO CUTE. LIKE CHILDREN. No wonder the Vulcans were perpetually sighing and eye-rolling at them.


Yeahhh, I love her in those episodes. Yay alternate universes!
Clyde: simsuzvoy on February 12th, 2011 09:02 am (UTC)
Enterprise <3
Little Red: trek - quote history - speshulduckmylittleredgirl on February 13th, 2011 12:24 am (UTC)
Yessssss. I love this show. Even when it's terrible I love it because they are all so cute. <3
anranr on February 12th, 2011 09:35 am (UTC)
(Other ships that are launched: Trip & T'Pol pretty much have naked decon sex meet.)

No strikeout needed. Totally what happened. :)
Little Red: trek - enterprise porn - liminallizmylittleredgirl on February 13th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)

Das Boy was like "You know, I don't remember decon being nearly as big a deal as you made it out to be. You made it sound like people were having sex in there every other episode."

Because THEY WERE.
Raven: tinkernoradannan on February 12th, 2011 01:42 pm (UTC)
Captain Archer, seen above getting his integrity evaluated (no really, that was the excuse) by a secret Suliban named Serin.

...woah. My mind? Is blown. And fairly weirded out.
Samin_parentheses on February 12th, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
Hee! My thoughts exactly.
Little Red: trek - gowron :O - stargatermylittleredgirl on February 13th, 2011 12:27 am (UTC)
I know!! It's sad that the character was summarily killed off, because I need more recurring characters named after people I know.

There was a little Bajoran girl named Sachi in one of the last DS9 episodes (for about two seconds). It gave my life meaning.
(Deleted comment)
Little Red: trek - enterprise porn - liminallizmylittleredgirl on February 13th, 2011 12:40 am (UTC)
It's especially notable because no one else on the show really ever calls him Jon. But yes, it does seem like a name that is meant to be moaned during sex. >.>
stexgirl2000stexgirl2000 on February 13th, 2011 02:42 am (UTC)
Oh the first season of Enterprise was so FUN and awkward and it had potential! It was a new puppy to play with, and they actually gave everyone lines to speak and they hadn't introduced the Xindi (which I hated in so many, many, many ways) and it actually looked like they were going to show us the founding of the Federation--which they tried to shoehorn in the last season when it was TOO LATE because Berman and Braga had screwed things up way earlier and Manny Coto should have taken over by season two...

I really am still too angry and bitter over how it all played out and it's what, six years later? :deep breath: Gah, I need to LET IT GO!

I love the "my fandom is all about the PORN" icon, because it's SO TRUE!
redbeardredbeard on February 13th, 2011 05:28 pm (UTC)
I have one thing to say about this.