Because I went out drinking with a surprise-coworker-friend-from-out-of-tow
There are no words.
And I'm still a bit drunk.
They do this Argentine Tango and I'M TELLING YOU just close your eyes when they start to fucking slo-mo her neck getting crunched in the rehearsal footage because OF COURSE they had to show that shit TWICE but seriously they dance and it's amazing and would be the sexiest thing ever if I wasn't so worried that she was going to fall and somehow Kym doesn't die and then they're both crying and he tells Brooke that he loves Kym and it's just I CAN'T EVEN:
I would watch it again for the squeee but the angst and pain might KILL ME. Then they do a salsa or something I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S BIZARRE:
And the judges are completely overcome by them and really, they know Kym and love her and probably the 10s across the board tonight are sort of because they're glad she didn't die but look, let's ignore that and just focus on how ridiculously Hines and Kym adore each other as they well should. If they don't hook up after this show it's a crime, I swear to God. Hopefully Hines' awesome mom will smack him and be like Go buy that girl diamonds seriously. And thank God Kym learned her lesson: even if you love him and think he can do no wrong, he would seriously prefer to lose the mirrorball trophy if it means not freaking killing you in dance rehearsal.
And there's some cha-cha shenanigans after that because this episode is ridiculous, and the dancing is sort of not that stellar, and you can tell Kym is sort of like "fuuuck, we have to dance again" when they win the first round. And then in the second round she's awesomely like "Yeah, no, I'm not returning to the studio tonight." And I'm going to just assume Hines takes her home to her mom and then goes out and buys her ice cream or something and LET ME HAVE THIS FANTASY:
I love Brooke, but she struggles with simple things like coin tosses. It's a good thing she's supernaturally pretty, let's just say that.
I love that Mark has his arm around Kym during the judge's scores. He's a total scenery-chewing douche most of the time, but he really does seem to love his fellow dancers, and he earns a lot of points for that.
Ehhnnngggg if she doesn't get diamonds and many years of orgasms after this I'm going to be SUPER IRATE on her behalf.
I really need to stop drinking.
I'd basically write really drunken porn all night except I need to pick up my coworker-in-crime tomorrow and every now and again I remember that my boss found this blog once and I'm posting this unlocked but look, this is like a super important occasion. They can't lay me off for just having no sense of scale when it comes to importance of ship-related issues as opposed to real life.
Really, going to bed.
LOVE YOU ALL.
Morning After Edit: Post-performance interviews. These are basically live-action fanfic.
And this interviewer can't contain herself from just flat-out telling them to go get married and have babies (NOTE: this interviewer actually not me):
I... just... ALL THE DIAMONDS.