The Dancing With the Stars Finale Part I is on tonight! While I'm waiting to watch it LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE [this program was previously recorded because you live on the west coast and you suck], I put some thought into what a Dancing With the Stars Finale drinking game might look like:

- Drink for perfect scores! (Bonus crankiness rule: drink twice if the perfect score is undeserved!)
- Anybody says “The freestyle wins the competition!”
- The couple makes a fake-grab for the trophy during a routine.
- Anybody makes out.
- Brooke is visibly confused by a line/coin-toss/her own name/etc.

Just that in a one-hour period should be plenty to get you alcohol poisoning, but you can also look into some bonus categories:

Pros:
- Maks goes shirtless.
- Kym rocks the fringe.
- Mark in short pants.

Memory Lane:
- Past winner seen in the audience.
- Marie Osmond reference.
- Kenny Mayne. Always drink for Kenny Mayne.

Please Please Love Us:
- Mark or Chelsea mentions Mark’s birthday.
- Someone asks Kirstie how much weight she's lost.
- Any mention of Hines’ mom.

The Judges:
- Carrie Ann cries.
- Len rhymes.
- Bruno actually solicits sex from one of the contestants. (It's important to set the creeper bar high for him - no dice if he just strips on the judges' table.)

This isn't going to happen but if it does we will SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN:
- Mark gets through a dance without pulling focus.
- Kirstie does aerials.
- KYM GETS HER DIAMONDS.

I'll be back at 8 for liveblogging and drinking. Bring it on. If you East Coasters spoil me ahead of time we're not talking anymore. What am I saying, none of you watch this show. EXCEPTION: IF KYM GETS DIAMONDS OR MAKEOUTS, YOU CAN AND MUST SPOIL ME RIGHT NOW.