All right, I'm admitting it right here: I never wanted to make a granny square.
Which is strange, given my love of handcrafted kitschy things, and granny square trivets / kleenex box cozies / overalls for completely grown-ass people to wear voluntarily are about the kitschiest handmade things imaginable.
Crochet means never having to say you're kidding.
But seriously, everything I ever encountered granny-square-related was a) hideous, b) scratchy, and c) not particularly useful, given that I dislike non-solid fabrics for anything that's supposed to provide warmth otherwise what is the point, you know?
But since it's THE defining element of crochet, I couldn't let Learn To Crochet month go by without trying it. I spent a few days trying to get my will up to do any of the awesome(?) patterns in my vintage pattern books and just... look at that crocheted shortall up there again and understand why I couldn't commit to bringing something like that into the world.
Then! I found online a granny square pattern from 1891. Obviously! The granniest of them all! Before anyone had ever heard of combining orange and gold and predigested green!
This is what "Long-Suffering" looks like.
She takes it, because she knows it could be worse.
So I have granny squared! I didn't think I was sold on it. I mean, just thinking about all the yarn ends Mrs. 1891 Granny Square had to weave in after her recommended 156 squares to make an afghan strikes terror into my heart. I was juuuuust about to count my blessings and move on to the next item on my Crochet Musts when it occurred to me.
This is awesome.
I should make more of these. Make an afghan. And matching pillow! And a kleenex box cover! I could UPHOLSTER MY COUCH! I could actually just GRANNY SQUARE FOREVER!
GOOD GOD, ALL THOSE AWFUL PATTERNS LOOK AMAZING NOW.
I WANT TO BE THIS WOMAN, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL:
I WANT TO WEAR THIS OUTSIDE MY HOME.
WHAT UNHOLY MAGIC DOES THE GRANNY SQUARE POSSESS?
I have 40 tabs open right now because I need a granny square poncho and they're all kind of terrible but I'm convinced that if I just start something magical and full of granny square crack fairy dust will EMERGE and be THE GREATEST THING EVER MADE.
Like this or like one of the other 45 tabs I have open researching midcentury poncho styles!
Look, if you need me for the next REST OF MY LIFE, I'll be in a van on my way to Woodstock and I probably need gas.