Little Red (mylittleredgirl) wrote,
Little Red

"The Tok'ra boned us again!"

I don't know about you guys, but whenever anyone says "boned" I think of "Futurama," to the extent that I kind of forget it's a saying that people ever used before the year 3000. Though we can probably all agree that "Futurama" is one of Jack's favorite shows, right? He's totally Fry in the giant brain episodes and the Asgard are the Nibblonians.

Tok'ra'thon 2012 is continuing apace:

"Show and Tell" - Okay, I skipped one and had to pop back to season 2 for a moment. This is actually the first time Jacob shows up after becoming Tok'ra, not "Seth", and their reunion goes something like this:

Jacob: "Kiddo! Daddy's home!"
Sam: "Uh... I actually called to talk to your skullmate."
Selmak: "Damn right."

You never call your old man just to chat, Sam.

Turns out, Gibson Praise has wandered over from the X-Files set. He was assembled IKEA-style by a giant invisible crab called a Reetou, and at the end of the assembly process there were still a few organs in the box they couldn't find a place for and his liver's upside-down and basically, kid's in trouble. Kid is also adorable and sweet and bonds with Jack and makes me want to do a cross-series Precocious Children Marathon. Gibson, who names himself Charlie after Jack's dead son, wants to warn SG-1 that other invisible Reetou crabs want to kill all humans. I'm pretty sure we never see them again after this episode.

We go on a Reetou hunt through the base, and Jacob gets badly injured, which is kind of his shtick. The Tok'ra offer to make Charlie a host so he will survive, and Jack promises Charlie can still come visit him. Maybe we should fanwank that Charlie's knowledge allows the Tok'ra to wipe out the Reetou rebel threat and that's why the Reetou never show up again? Anyway, we never see Charlie again either, because the Tok'ra never let Jack have anything nice.

"Jolinar's Memories"/"The Devil You Know" - Apophis Death Count: 3! It's nice of the show to always let the audience know that Apophis is still alive at the end of the episode, even while SG-1 celebrates his demise (again).

Who cares though! This episode is Tok'ra'tacular. Selmak has been captured on a mission and sent to Hell by Sokar, where he's almost dead. Jacob? We need to talk about your death wish here, because it's getting ridiculous. Martouf and SG-1 take a field trip to try and rescue him! No one has ever escaped from Alcatraz before except Jolinar, though, so Martouf sticks a Tok'ra memory recall device into Sam's brain to let her access Jolinar's memories. Instead, because, I don't know, her dad is actively burning in hell at the time, she gets stuck reliving memories related to her mom's death when she was a kid. Can we just say poor Sam? (And while we're at it, poor Jacob. He and Sam need a serious hug-out after this episode.)

It turns out, Sam's piecemeal memories of Jolinar are not the most solid basis for a rescue plan. Jolinar used her feminine wiles to break out the first time, and Netu hath no fury like a Goa'uld scorned (for about two minutes, until that Goa'uld is killed by Apophis). Apophis sucks at interrogation, so he gets SG-1 really drunk and makes them remember random moments in their personal lives. We learn that:

  • Sam: wore a horrible dress to her mom's funeral. She awesomely refuses to give up the iris codes.

  • Jack: didn't let Charlie play with toy guns, which surprises me, since he's a military man. He awesomely refuses to give up the Asgard.

  • Daniel: his memories either weren't interesting enough to make it into this episode, or weren't interesting enough for me to remember after the fact.

  • Martouf: hallucinates that Sam is Jolinar (heartbreakiiiiing!). He out-awesomes everyone else by saving Sam's life and feeding Apophis disinformation at the same time, because the Tok'ra are badass.

In less badass Tok'ra news: Aldwin, a Tok'ra random, goes with Teal'c to rescue SG-1/blow up Netu, and then Teal'c locks him in a closet. Aldwin's mannerisms and use of contractions are very human, so I'm going to pretend that we kept up our bargain with the Tok'ra from "Tok'ra Part II" to offer some terminally ill Earthlings the chance to live on as Tok'ra hosts.

In the end, Sokar is dead, Apophis is not, Sam and Jacob go on an Alaskan cruise, and Martouf probably goes off to have an emotional breakdown somewhere because he learned that Jolinar was tortured, Jolinar had to have sex with a Goa'uld to escape Netu, and Jolinar is still dead. Oh, Martouf. :(

"Upgrades" - The Tok'ra take a break for the rest of season 3 (I think - if I forgot something please shout out!) and then come back all, we're the super sexy Tok'ra now! Super Sexy Tok'ra is Anise, who wants to juice up SG-1 with some fancy armband technology. Her even sexier host, Freya, spends most of her time playing good cop to Anise's rude cop, much like Martouf does for Lantash. The life of a Tok'ra host, I tell you. At least Freya gets to wear cute dresses instead of the bathrobe kilts the other Tok'ra are stuck with.

The Tok'ra plan to get SG-1 hopped up on armbands and then slyly tell them that oh, Apophis is totally not dead and he's building a badass new ship. Jack, Sam and Daniel fall into the trap and sonic-the-hedgehog their way into the ship, and then there's off-camera shippiness we don't see until "Divide and Conquer," and I don't even know why I'm recapping this for you because if you haven't already seen this episode twelve thousand times then what have you been doing with your time? Anyway! Freya is really sorry that SG-1 is stranded off-world with busted armband technology. Anise is not at all sorry, which is why Freya doesn't let her talk for a scene or two. As I said, the life of a Tok'ra host. At the end, Anise/Freya hits on Jack and then stands there looking hot. I love her.

No Jacob in this. The Tok'ra probably sent him off on a milk run or something so he wouldn't get wind of their plan to throw his baby girl into the maw of danger.

"Crossroads" SPIES EVERYWHERE! Again! Teal'c's ex-girlfriend Shaun'auc, temple priestess and Harry Kim's glowy-sex girlfriend from Voyager, has convinced her larval Goa'uld to join the Tok'ra and give them all the up-to-date Goa'uld genetic-memory news. The Tok'ra get really excited, and we learn some Tok'ra history - the Great Queen Egeria went rogue from the Goa'uld and (literally) spawned them all, before Ra killed her. There have been very few Goa'uld converts since then, so most of the Tok'ra we know and tolerate are 2,000+ years old and their population is dwindling. So yay! Fabulous problem solved!

Except... Tanith, Shaun'auc's baby Goa'uld, is actually a Goa'uld spy. The Tok'ra totally weren't planning on telling SG-1 this until Teal'c goes berserk, but then Anise grudgingly admits that they're going to use Tanith to spread disinformation to the Goa'uld, then torture and kill him.

Next up: "Divide and Conquer"! Then... "Tangent," I think? There are a lot of episodes where the Tok'ra just kind of drop by to deliver some information or Deus Ex Cargo Ship at the end, so I'm probably missing some episodes.
Tags: sgwun, tok'ra'thon

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