But now, BUT NOW, love is actually dead because my Dancing With the Stars protp Anna Trebunskaya and Jonathan Roberts are untying the knot after 9 years of STUPID CUTE PERFECTION.
NNNG. THEIR LOVE
Even their divorce announcement was ADORABLE. "We have enjoyed more than a decade of a very loving, loyal and happy relationship, but after much soul searching, we have decided to end our marriage. We are committed to staying friends and dance partners." WHAT IS THAT? HOW DOES YOUR DIVORCE ANNOUNCEMENT MAKE ME MORE CONVINCED OF YOUR OTP-NESS. UGH. TAKE IT BACK. TAKE IT BACK RIGHT NOW. GO ADOPT A KITTEN AND LIVE IN LOVE AND HARMONY FOREVER, MAZEL TOV.
The level of OTP love makes unexpected children's choirs just HAPPEN. Not even kidding.
In my desperation for "BUT THE OTPNESS WILL PREVAIL" I remembered adorable Canadian pairs skaters Jamie Salé and David Pelletier, who were actually broken up during the 2002 Olympics of Skaterjudgescandalpalooza, but due to irresistible OTP-ness they later got married and had a baby that will save Canada and it was meant-to-be EPIC CUTENESS.
The one and only time I ever bought TIME magazine.
Aaaaand I just learned they got divorced 2 years ago in a tangled web of skating-related cheating scandals involving the 2010 Canadian Olympic pairs skaters and a married hockey player from the Edmonton Oilers. The latter was Jamie's partner on Battle of the Blades, which is the Canadianest possible variation on Dancing With the Stars: Manly Manly Hockey Players have to figure skate with professional skateristas for what's probably a glittery zamboni trophy or something, and it's clearly the GREATEST SHOW IN HISTORY, and I can't even enjoy it now because love is dead so nothing matters.
Me, and also, the weather outside from now until July.
If this were regular TV, we could just blame Martin Gero. But SADLY these are actual humans with complicated lives and petitions will probably not help! I have no fandom contingency plan for this! I could be writing RPF to fix this, but that would be even more reprehensible than regular RPF (I'm thinking some kind of secret spy plot requiring a staged divorce/alien impersonation/possibly time travel considering the 1980s picture below of baby Anna in a bonnet looks like it was from the 1880s).
TIME TRAVEL IS CLEARLY THE ANSWER. Or Soviet fashion.
Can we just get a mulligan on Celebrity Love: 2012? I'd appreciate it. And seriously, Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, I don't even want to hear it. You're officially our last hope.