I'm not angry. I'm frustrated, disappointed, and scared, and trying to be hopeful.
My very strange reaction to all of this has involved a desire to be a student of sorts in a conservative, religious, Republican household. I think, perhaps foolishly, that I will be less afraid if I have the chance to learn about this, to understand this part of my country that is so different from mine, if there is a way to do it without anyone feeling put on the offensive. I want to know. I don't think people in this election, on either side, voted out of ignorance; I think we all voted out of fear of the threats to our various ways of life. I am not an activist by nature -- it feels phony to me to do the things that so many of you do so well -- and I have felt useless and unpatriotic because of this.
In my happy little la-la land, I think our country wouldn't be so divided if everyone understood each other's positions better. Maybe there really isn't more to this than it appears -- maybe the ways we want to live our lives in the blue and the red states really are totally incompatible -- but I suspect we wouldn't cling so much to the extremes if we each didn't feel like the middle was going to be pulled away from us.
I can start with my extended family. Because they happen to be Canadian, they don't think that religion has a place in the government... so it's a bit different, and they didn't have to make this particular electoral choice. These are good, kind, loving Christians who I respect and love, and yet it was a big, difficult question whether they could continue to love and treat their son as their own because he moved in with his fiancee before they were married. I don't understand this. I want to. More and more, I feel like I need to.
For the next four years, I want to work on that.
Please don't tell me how stupid I am for my naivete or be offended by any accidental condescension that might be in this late-night, poorly-expressed post, for that will make me sad. I know many of you are liberals who grew up in conservative households and are probably no less scared than me for your knowledge. So this isn't a way of improving the nation, it's just a way of maybe improving myself.
5 good things about today:
1. My car is back from Blowtorch Joe's and all shiny and pretty and un-crunched! (lisayaeger? I think it really might be better than new!)
2. OMG!! LOOK at the icon maching_monkey made me!! I have a linguistics icon!
3. alliesings said something to make me feel very loved.
4. Unexpected evening watching Stargate with alosersdream :)
5. Got TWO WEEKS off work for road trip! Supervisor didn't even CARE because I am officially fill-in staff! I walked away from this conversation with a "you're so great!" instead of mutterings about my wenchiness.
3 things I did well:
1. Did "consulting" gig of setting up dad's friend's computer. Successfully did things. Received money for transferring bookmarks of Yankees fan sites and naked women. *scrubs self clean*
2. Picked up car.
3. Made brightly coloured salad.
-- Little Red, receiving much-needed hug from down comforter!