So, in response, I'm dragging out all those lovely newagesayings and other forms of rendering the world more psychologically bearable (in particular: the "playing the edge" and "being with the experience" ones). I'm calling it an experiment. I know I'm only about four feet from my bed and can flop into it and declare surrender at any point. So... I'm going to try this.
I have spent most of the day up until now trying to distract myself with livejournal from beating myself up about how it's 2 in the afternoon before I got myself through a shower (and this devolving into hysteria about all the *other* ways in which I am deeply screwed up, thank God and LJ for private entries to spare the flist). This is contrary to the joy sadhana, and generally unhelpful.
So. Emergency midday joy sadhana.
Things I Have Already Done Today:
1. Shower! Am CLEAN. Also, DRESSED.
2. Ate breakfast.
3. Had vitamins.
4. Managed to organize self to taking asthma meds
5. Did money transfer to pay for internet *right away*.
6. Burned data CD for dad of database for his computer is whack.
Okay. Now for the experiment part. My mother sort of gave me this idea because she tried timing all her least favourite chores last weekend, and reported that it made them into more of a game than a drag. (I come by my wackiness so honestly.) I will just... see how much I can get done. Just to see. (If the expectation is *nothing* I can't fail, right?) And observe what it feels like to do that when I feel crappy, in the hopes that distant-y observation (ooh! buzzword time: "self-observation without judgement") will keep me from getting so emotionally wrapped up in What I Can't Do that I become *less* functional than I actually am.
I will report back.
Also: general apology if this sort of thing pisses you off. I've been keeping a lot of my self-help-babbling (yes, there *is* actually MORE) private, but in this case I kind of wanted to state it somewhere that I could be accountable to it. If you'd prefer I lj-cut this kind of thing, let me know -- I won't be offended as this really is Just For Me. Hmm. Maybe I need a poll.
-- Little Red, who will now boldly go find food
Edit: 1. Worked almost an HOUR STRAIGHT on music ed research project without even checking email! Go me! Also, having great fun with my little 20-minute timer.