Enterprise - "Affliction"
During the teaser, I discovered that my parents' TV both has closed captioning and that it will closed-caption KLINGON, which is awesome. I'm told that the ridges on the Klingon's forehead actually fade out, but I seriously thought my TV was just fuzzing. It was better when my TV was just fuzzing. However, the un-ridge-ified Klingons later in the episode made me squeak with old-skool joy, because I'm easy like that.
Also, I think that my sister alosersdream would probably find them hot, because they have wild hippie hair.
So. Hoshi. Apparently, that "Hoshi kicks all kinds of martial arts ass and is no longer A TOTAL CHICKEN" bit of character development that was foisted upon us a few weeks ago was because they wanted her to kick ass wearing leather in this episode. Which... I'm really torn here, because that was hot, but it still makes me mad. So I'm rewriting the backstory on this so I can appreciate the hot, okay? Hoshi did not, actually, get kicked out of the Academy for randomly beating people up with her l33t martial arts ski11z. Instead, she grew up all meek and timid and brilliant and showed up on Enterprise and was afraid of everything, LIKE WE SAW, and then, in season 3, she got taught lots of l33t ski11z by Major Hayes and the MACOs, WHICH WE SAW, and that's why she can kick ass now! (And maybe Reed even taught her some stuff back in the days when I thought they should sleep together, although guns are more his specialty.) The whole thing about the poker game was just fever-induced babbling. She saw it on a movie once. Better? I thought so.
See? If the show can rewrite things to come up with Star Trek logic for inconsistencies, like the Klingon makeup debacle, SO CAN I. :-P
Trip & T'Pol. I liked the farewell scene a lot, because I really like that Trip's fed up with her. And then -- omgwtfbbq!!??!?!? They are long-distance mind-melding or something because THEIR LOVE IS SO GREAT that they can't bear to be apart? I'm SO CONFUSED! But also delighted because this, more than anything else this show has done except maybe the time T'Pol was in heat or the SHOWER PORN, is FANFIC ON TV!! Their reactions to it were also pretty amusing. "WTF? Get out of my meditation!" "!? HEY! My daydreams about you usually involve a beach and nakedness! This is lame!" (I'm paraphrasing, but not much)
And Hoshi... is now a voyeur in their long-distance kinkymindsex relationship? Sadly, with the "I don't remember ever dreaming about Commander Tucker before" line she totally killed my longstanding hope that she used to have a girlie crush on Trip. Also, this new leaner, meaner Hoshi had pretty much zero qualms about turning Reed in, so there goes the theory on THAT 'ship. On the upside, this only confirms that she's totally with Mayweather.
Plus, Reed probably doesn't mind, because this entire episode just SCREEEEEEEAMED Reed/Archer slash. Which makes me want to scrub my brain out with steel wool, but... damn. THE BETRAYAL! THE ANGST! I SLEPT WITH YOU ALL THIS TIME AND YOU WERE MY LOYAL UNDERLING AND YOU HAVE BEEN LYYYYYYYIING TO ME! "There are obligations beyond my loyalty to you..." Aaaaughhh! Why couldn't Hoshi have been the spy? That would have indulged my Archer/Hoshi kink (shut up) AND reinstated Hoshi as COOLEST CHARACTER EVER. I mean, Weir's got nice hair and is shagging Sheppard and wears red, but Hoshi is a hot linguist who now KICKS ASS and could BE A SPY. Except she isn't. *sad*
And, okay, this is the girl who can't sleep on the left side of the ship and has boring episode-long transporter hallucinations but she would be a WAY better spy than Reed. Because NO ONE could be a worse spy than Reed unless they were reeeeeeeeally trying.
And I shrieked about Section 31. YAY YAY YAY!! It really HAS been around since the dawn of the Federation!
... er... crap. I just realized the hole in my section 31 logic. Section 31 was in the Federation charter, right? And since there's no Federation yet, they can't actually be section 31. BLAST! But... their black uniforms and treacherous ways are IDENTICAL! Not to mention their recruitment of dopey men with British accents! However, this makes me less nervous about the total likelihood that they'll be exposed in the next few episodes, because while Section 31 Must Remain A Secret Until DS9, Section Whatever-The-Heck-This-Is can totally be turned in to save Reed's honor
I missed something. Oh! Hernandez! I'm so mad that she and Archer didn't get to have a snarky and sex-including rendezvous, and deeply disturbed that she made up for it by hitting on Trip and offering to share stories of her sex life with Archer. Okay, maybe she didn't mean that, but it sounded like it. However, I'm so delighted that she has a name now that I can overlook all of that. Enterprise? Please don't take this 'she has a name now!' as a sign to kill her off next week. Thanks.
Oh. And the other thing I missed I'm trying to forget, because while I'm all about the fact that mind-melding has become the new black, just... there... gaah! There are no words for how wrong it is for Archer to sort of remote-control pilot T'Pol through her first one. I mean, I get that he held SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA (tm Television Without Pity), but shouldn't she have YEARS of training by a monk or something? I'd even have preferred it if she was all "Oh, T'Pau gave me this wicked cool knowledge about it when she bonded with me", because it's T'PAU and she can probably do that, but but but YOU'RE GOING TO FRY HOSHI'S BRAIN! And that's bad.
Er... end rambling. *goes hunts for more episodes*