• Mood: *fevered*

fandom and Sachi is a basket case and joy

Er... post back by popular demand. I have fever. It is high. I'm not making much sense or typing straight. You have been warned.

*deep breath*

I'm a bad (fandom) person and haven't been doing the Author Appreciation Day/Week meme and don't actually think I'll be able to pleasedon'thateme.

The reason for this is that I'm tired, I'm still sick, and I don't want to start panicking about how my brain's not working but I'm really having a hard time remembering *anything*, so I know I'll forget people (if not, you know, forget EVERYONE). You should feel proud that your coolness has overwhelmed me! I know too many awesome people! :-P But, fuck, I LOVE you guys and I feel horribly inadequate and stupid for this and I wish I could do better because you all deserve MUCH much happysqueee! So here's the deal. I'll have totally RANDOM appreciation days. I'll adore you all with feedback on fics and squeee about you in joy sadhana and love you madly on SURPRISE days. :) (Those of you who are just now receiving my Christmas presents should not be surprised when I say that this random-day thing suits me better!)

I also totally cheated on the SJFA voting thinggy because I didn't have time to read all the fics and so I just voted for people I LIKE (which is all of you) but you deserve it. CFIDS HAS THWARTED THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS! Another reason to kill it.

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And now, to make my non-participation in this meme somehow much worse, as my joy sadhana #1... I got appreciated all over the place, by lots of people, and I'm totally totally overwhelmed. My real-life friends (hi guys) will possibly find this kind of ridiculous as, yes, I *also* wish I was out doing More Important Things Like Writing Trashy Romance Novels (hee!), but... ack. It's just blowing my mind that I've managed, in some small way, even when I'm (weak) (isolated) (notquiteSachi) like this, I have been able to still affect people in some kind of positive way and create something worthwhile (in that it affects people in a positive way, not making any sort of claim about Fanfic As Literature). I'm really not feeling well today (probably obviously!) and so am explaining it badly, but it's just... really cool. :) And coming at an amazing time. And there's part of me that wants to mock myself and say "you're letting FANFIC define your self-esteem" and there's part of me that says that I'm a vain and ungodly person for liking being praised and wanting to really believe it's true... but there's also part of me that wants to print it out and put it in the little Depression Bomb Shelter I'm building for myself and read it over and over and over again until I start to feel worthy, and start to feel that feeling worthy of that is not a bad thing. (because I love you and I respect you all and so should believe you, and if you *said* it, you wouldn't hate me for believing it. right?)

(And no, that probably *didn't* make any sense. If it still makes sense to me when the fever breaks, I'll try to explain it in complete sentences then.)

And joy sadhana #2 -- msraven929 (who would so be on my list, if I was doing this meme, for is UNDERAPPRECIATED as a writer of teh cute awesome fluff, yo, and all the Shep/Weir folks should friend and fangirl her) made me a wallpaper in answer to the above ridiculousness. *squeees*

3. My parents agreed to watch "Before I Sleep" with me!! And they were all sucked into it, too. *happy* And that episode is just as awesome on subsequent viewings and NICE on the TV. My parents both decided that Weir/Janus is to be the Big Epic Romance of the series... and... I really didn't have the heart to go "no, wait! Sheppard!" ... because, YES. IT SO SHOULD BE.

4. I can't now remember what they were, but I think there were fun conversations on LJ today. *admires holes in brain* Oh! Yes. LJ spamming is fun.

5. My dad let me watch the TV this afternoon, and there was Enterprise-y goodness.

3 things I did well:

1. Knit madly on Tammy's neckwarmer! (This is more exciting than just knitting, as I am playing around with my phobia of DEADLINES by giving myself silly deadlines to meet, and this was Practice Deadline #1, and I might actually make it, and without having to be scraped off the ceiling in hysteria, too)

2. Survived the worst day of winter driving yet this year, with my mad winter driving ski11z and the fact that I am LUCKY. And went to Tae Kwon Do.

3. Ate food and vitamins, and (at time of posting) have kept it down.

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*posts this in spite of better judgment*

I swear, I'll be sane again soon, guys.

I just. want. to not. feel. sick. and before pi day.