I said it all again, too, but I think that post can be summed up thusly: For those of you keeping track, I still hate this disease.
The joy sadhana looks something like how the internet is amusing me with passive joy, as it is wont to do, and how I accomplished calling Verizon and telling them not to turn off my phone, and answered comments from my *last* post, and made myself eat twice so far. And got out of bed at all. Imagine that was in bullet-point format. :)
It's not Too Much. It just really feels like it is. But I haven't quit my job or dropped out of anything permanently or otherwise given in -- longterm -- to the desire to hide in a small, dark room until I feel better. This is good. If I could stop weeping from exhaustion for random hours things would seem much less crappy, and that would be better. I went for so long without crying, and it was awesome. I suppose things are better now -- I'm trying to do more, so I am doing more, but on the bad days of the week the stress of that suuuuucks. (And yes, I *am* that stressed about, say, picking up the phone, or answering the door, because what if I have to SAY something or take down a message and run out of energy before I can say "goodbye"? On the internet, at least, I can disappear and blame it on a modem or something. I *really* hate how fucked-up that all makes me sound, especially because on good
But Sarah was happy I called her to wish her luck on her gig tonight even though I got off the phone right away. (I was going to go, but can't deal with getting dressed and driving and the risk of someone asking me how I am, and must rest up for work tomorrow.) So I am not use-less. Just... less useful than I'd like to be. That's good.
Anyway, stuff I owe you -- emails, fics, feedback, snailmails, marriage applications, whatever -- will happen when and if it happens. I miss a bunch of you and want to talk and know what's going on (aj, lifelongfling, liminalliz, besyd, people whose lj-names I have forgotten, ETC).
Thanks to melyanna who (probably unknowingly) kept my entertained and cheerful for most of a bad night. Apologies to amilyn for cutting out on you -- my brain would totally have exploded if I had tried to explain and I suspect you understand.
w0lfstar? Fear not (or FEAR!), I'm still coming to visit. With a VCR. I'll have to figure out how to get to you on the Garden State Parkway, though, when I dig out a map. That'll be so awesome. :)
Links to Sheppard/Weir fluff, vids, other cuteness would be a welcome distraction. :) (Or other shows that I watch, as long as you're not upset if I don't read it right away, especially if it's long. Er... ignore me.) I think I need Voyager-watching tonight. And I am so totally buying the Lois & Clark DVDs this summer for weeks just like this one. :)