No Big Dark Evil Bad Sickness Or Depression Or Freaking Out caused the spending-all-day-in-bed and then totally-losing-track-of-where-it-went, though. Just not feeling well of the normal variety and it being a day off and decidinig to try just... staying in bed rather than staying in bed and being mad at myself for it. I can't tell you how much BETTER that approach is, and I really kind of enjoyed my non-day.
How obnoxious is it to post a zen-y quote in my journal? Don't care. This has been my Quote Of The Month, and it's rocking my world. She's talking about meditation, but I've been thinking about it in terms of life in general, and it's pretty freaking cool:
"But how [it] is is how [it] is. And how it is for you right now is miserable. So you get to experience feeling miserable. And if all you're being is miserable, miserable is not bad. It's only when you're miserable and hating miserable that it's really hell." -- Cheri Huber (er, zen buddhist monk for the majority of the universe who has never heard of her), from the awesomely titled 'there is nothing wrong with you: going beyond self-hate'
I was in pain, which kinda sucked by definition, but was actually a good thing because it seemed to keep my brain from spinning too far in any direction. Had some really deep thoughts that might rock my life in a good way, though, and had them in short sentences, which made Deep Introspection much easier to tolerate. The details of all that probably belong in another post... saying those things is one thing, saying them out loud might take a few minutes.
Basically, along with my usual Cheri Huber love of late, I was playing around with some of the new psychospiritual
And now for the main attraction:
5 good things about today:
1. Didn't have anywhere I had to go, including most other rooms in my house.
2. I have a laptop that can come into bed with me! It does not mind if I don't actually ask it to *do* anything. My desktop is by anr and it is pretty to stare at for many hours.
3. Music vids! Which took up ten minutes of my lost day, but they were a very happy ten minutes. azarsuerte's Seige-based vid which is Garth Brooks and makes me go squeee. SQUEEE. And "Mad Mission" by... er... phrenitis? Maybe? I forgot to save the vid authors' names along with the filenames. At any rate. ROCKS and makes me happy. And mspooh's vids, as always. (Query: do you now need to make a vid to Our Lady Peace's "Superman's Dead" to go with your set of Superman vids? Can you really make an Atlantis vid to teen angst music?)
4. Chatted with Claira and rosewildeirish! Oh, yeah. I may have become a slasher and a potential Lee/Kara 'shipper all in one day. (Apparently all it took was a fever and a good fic for me to get slash. Oh! Straight women like cock! And so having more cock in a scene is more of the better!)
5. My pillows and sheets and down comforter are soft. OMG! YAY! The sheets I hated all last summer for the scratchiness finally got soft! *surprised*
3 things I did well:
1. ... ate a good dinner.
2. Er... didn't have dramatic panic or tears even though I suppose I could have?
3. Don't hate myself for not having gotten ANYTHING DONE TODAY. Took like
p.s. am worried for er... people. *was less subtle but realized that things that made me worried are f-locked* I totally get that real people are needed sometimes. I wish I was a Real Person in this case. :)